


Miss Missing You

by Scraxivele



Series: Modern Faerie Tales [3]
Category: The Darkest Part of the Forest - Holly Black, The Folk of the Air - Holly Black, Tithe Series - Holly Black
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Blood and Gore, Dark Fairy Tale Elements, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fantasy, Female Protagonist, Magic, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Road Trips, Romance, Strong Female Characters, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 61,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scraxivele/pseuds/Scraxivele
Summary: And, finally, how do you go on when your world has come crashing down around you? Well for starters...you just keep breathing. After that, it becomes...a little more complicated.
Relationships: Kaye Fierch/Rath Roiben Rye, Ravus/Valerie "Val" Russell, Thorn/Nikki
Series: Modern Faerie Tales [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610254
Comments: 33
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

Baby, you were my picket fence

I miss missing you now and then

Chlorine kissed summer skin

I miss missing you now and then

Sometimes before it gets better

The darkness gets bigger

The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger

Oh, we're fading fast

I miss missing you now and then

-Fall Out Boy, Miss Missing You

Prologue

There was someone there. She could feel it. She felt the eyes studying her a little too hard. She'd been dodging glances from people for weeks but this one felt a little more intentful than the rest had. 

Or was she just paranoid? She hadn't been sleeping much after all. Her pink hair was in knots and there were bags under her eyes. It had all piled up so fast. She had never had the best decision-making skills. She made snap decisions far too often, and more often than not they got her into trouble. 

She just couldn't predict the consequences of her actions very well. She'd tried many times to see into the future and come up with all the possible outcomes of her quick thinking but each time she hadn't even come close to what would actually happen. 

The only decision she'd actually taken her time while making had thus far turned out to be her worst decision of all. The one that had haunted her day and night and tugged at her finger all those weeks and months ago. 

She could feel him at first. She wasn't sure if it worked both ways but to be sure it was an unintentional side effect of the curse she'd put on the wolf boy. She could feel him breathe, feel his heartbeat. She could even feel some of the things he felt. She wasn't sure if that was the spell or just because she'd spent so much time with her ear pressed to his chest that she could tell what his different heartbeat speeds meant. 

She knew when he was asleep, knew when he became excited or when he was happy. She could almost see the smirk on his lips when she felt those calm beats in her mind and it made her feel more empty than ever. 

The worst one though...was that she could feel when he missed her. That one made her worry more than anything else because if she could tell he missed her then...what if he could tell that she missed him. Would he be able to tell the difference between the beats of her heart? Probably not. There were no different patterns anymore after all. Day in and day out it was all the same. Her heart ached all the time. She missed him every second of every day...so how could he be able to tell the difference if it never changed? 

It had all stopped months ago though. She couldn't hear his heartbeat anymore or feel anything at all through the little red string tied around her finger. She knew he wasn't dead. That would have lifted the spell and the string would be gone by now. Maybe the magic had worn off? Maybe the spell was losing its power slowly and she would be free from it any day now. 

Maybe she would taste freedom from her own mess after all. Then all she would have to do is live with her herself. Never get attached again. 

She looked over her shoulder again and for a moment she thought that she may have made it all up. The crowds in the streets all seemed perfectly normal until she saw it again. 

She hated cars. This area of the city had so few of them that she had barely any trouble breathing out and about. Even the humans here didn't smell like exhaust or metal. She could hardly tell the stupid things apart other than by their color. They all looked the same. Big grey boxes with flashing neon lights that would make a faerie's head spin if they looked too long. 

But not that car. Not that tiny blue coffin on wheels. Not the one she'd spent hours of her life choking inside of and dying to get out of whenever he had driven her around town or to see friends far away. 

She thought she'd heard it following her before. The way the belt's squeaked. The way the exhaust chattered, not bolted to the frame properly. Or the way the engine softly wept in pain in the heat of summer. 

She'd convinced herself it was a coincidence at first. The speed limit through the city was slow and most people could walk faster than any car could go on this packed street during the day. But it wasn't day. It was twilight, and most of the humans around were packed into the bars along the strip and there was little to no traffic. 

In her paranoid state, she'd failed to notice just how close she was being followed. She turned again, just enough to see who was in the car, but she was surprised to find that it was devoid of her wolf. 

Two girls sat in the front seats of the death box and she could tell that they both wore differing amounts of glamour. There was no one else in the car. She froze in place to test the theory.

The car stopped. 

They were both staring right at her through un-glamoured eyes and the blue pair stole her attention. So electric. So vibrant. 

So full of rage and pain. 

She'd seen those blue eyes before. She knew she had but she couldn't remember where. The bags under those blue eyes nearly matched her own...maybe outdid them. Her shoulder-length platinum hair was in just as much of a rat's nest as her own pink mess and her fingers were gripped on the steering wheel so tightly that the dull-white, nearly grey, skin of them was lit up white. While she was glamoured it wasn't by much. The grey girl looked as drained as she had felt on the day she'd left the wolf. Like she'd poured every inch of her life into something and lost it anyway. 

The other girl was far paler and her glamour was much more convincing. She had her tells, to be sure, but still, it wasn't bad. Scarlet red hair and an expression far more relaxed than her partner's. Her eyes though, red as the blood moon, were fixed where she stood staring back at them from the sidewalk. 

She spared a glance down to her index finger, watching the red string flow on the breeze for a moment before she looked back up and found them looking at the thread as well. 

She spun on her heel and ran, bright pink hair flowing after her. She ran as fast as her legs would take her. 

It was only a moment before she heard the engine rev and as the pair took off after her. 


	2. Chapter One

As I walked out on the ledge

Are you scared to death to live?

I've been running all my life

Just to find a home that's for the restless

And the truth that's in the message

Making my way, away, away

My way to you

-Green Day, Still Breathing

Chapter One

How long can someone go on like this? Wandering aimlessly through life with an unattainable love. She knew for sure now. She'd known from the second she'd let those three little words dribble from her lips as she fainted. The moment after he'd plunged into eternal sleep. She did love him. Nikki loved Thorn more than anything she'd ever known in her life. And it was just after he'd been cursed to sleep until she stopped loving him that she'd been able to tell him. 

It had been months ago. It was the dead of summer now and as she walked along the sidewalk of the city, sweat dropped from her face to the pavement below her. She felt empty. Her eating had picked back up a little and she wasn't quite as self-destructive as she had been in the first few weeks of Thorn being asleep but now, it was a different kind of empty. The kind where if she let herself feel anything she was going to break down and lose it. 

Eight months. 

Eight months since the last time she'd touched him...since she'd kissed him. Eight months since she had told the unconscious boy that she really did love him. 

And she'd wanted to die every single moment of them. 

She'd changed out of her work clothes at least. She wore a black tank top and a pair of jeans shorts, black converse sneakers, and a pair of black knee-high socks. The socks were far too warm but she didn't care. The heat was the least of the things bothering her. 

Maybe she'd have a heat stroke and her death would be a freak accident? She could  _ trip  _ into the road and get run over. She could fall and smack her head on the concrete sidewalk and while her brains spilled out onto the pavement Thorn would finally wake up and get to have his life back. 

The only thing stopping her was the hope that this was just some fucked up nightmare. That maybe she was the one who had been cursed to sleep until she stopped loving him. She couldn't believe it though. She'd tried. Over and over she had tried to purge her feelings for the wolf but time and time again she'd ended up in tears, crying up at the ceiling and apologizing to nobody. Sorry that she had tried for even a second to let go of her love for Thorn. She'd never felt like this. Shed felt almost nothing when her fake parents had died. Even before she knew that they weren't actually her parents she'd felt next to nothing other than panic.

She'd grown numb with the empty feeling. The longer she went without his touch the more the pit in her stomach seemed to grow and demand that more and more of her time be dedicated to missing him. Even when her friends had done their best to distract her she'd not been able to enjoy herself at all. They all tried so hard for her and she couldn't understand why. What had she ever done to deserve their friendship? If you asked Nikki, all she'd done was rip another one of their friends away from them. 

It was her fault after all, wasn't it? That he was cursed. Not only was it her fault that he had been cursed, but it was also her fault that he remained cursed. She'd convinced him that she couldn't be happy as a faerie so he'd thought he needed to get the necklace back. That had led to him being cursed and now her stupid heart was keeping his dormant. 

She'd been walking for over an hour. She didn't really know where she was going but her legs just wouldn't stop. This wasn't the first time she'd wandered off without explanation. Walking alone like this was the only way she could get out of her mind anymore. She'd been trapped with her own thoughts behind the counter far too often and it was starting to take a toll on her. 

Work had been okay...she guessed. She'd learned to do the job after much trial and error and she'd tried her very best to be scheduled at the opposite times that Kate was. That mostly meant working at night but that was fine. What the fuck else was she supposed to do all night? Certainly not sleep. 

She was far too scared to sleep. The few times she had she'd seen nothing but horrors. Images of monsters strangling her or screaming at her haunted her dreams until she'd wake up in a cold sweat and gasping for air. 

It just wasn't worth it. She'd rather be awake and empty than asleep and tortured. She couldn't even look at him anymore. Corney had told her that she could come upstairs to the apartment anytime and spend time with his sleeping body if she wanted to but she just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't stand to look at him sleeping on their couch.

Faerie curses apparently had a much different definition of sleep than she did. He never moved, never breathed. His hair hadn't even been grown the entire time. Maybe if he were breathing or if he would give her some sign that he was actually alive once in a while she could manage it but not like this. Not motionless. 

Not cold. 

She could live with a sleeping Thorn. She couldn't live with a cold one. Thorn wasn't supposed to be cold. He was supposed to be the warmest thing she had ever felt in her entire life. Even while he was in the middle of one of his dickheaded moods he was warmer than the sun and she couldn't lay next to him without that heat seeping into her veins. It just wasn't right. Wasn't him. 

The first time she'd convinced herself that the boy laying on that ratty old couch wasn't her werewolf it had been because of that fact alone. Couldn't be him after all. Too cold. Too cold to be the werewolf that had kept her warm in the back of a freezing car in a blizzard. Too cold to be the wolf that had held her while she cried and the world crashed around her.

Too cold to be the boy that had melted her frozen heart. 

The next time it was because she'd convinced herself that this really was all just a dream. Not the faerie shit, or the multi-day road trips she'd suffered through, choking in that stupid car with a stranger she'd just met. None of those unbelievable things. 

The part where she'd walked out of the woods and into the arms of a random guy just trying to get his work done out in the cold. The part where she'd let him drive her home instead of just keeping on walking. The part where she'd given him her name and lied about how old she was. 

Faeries couldn't lie, right? So how was it that one of the first things the nineteen-year-old girl had told the boy was a lie? She'd said she was twenty-one. She'd only recalled that she'd lied to him after he fell asleep. If faeries' couldn't lie then this had to be a dream right? 

Of course, it was only after that that Kaye had explained that she too had been able to lie in small ways when she was a kid. Before the pixie had shed her glamour in a patch of clovers like in some sort of magical fairy tale. 

Faeries' couldn't lie if they knew what they were saying wasn't true but just as Kaye surely had, Nikki had realized that she really did have no proof of how old she was exactly. Not a lie after all. 

Suffice to say that both episodes had ended with Nikki in tears and throwing up her lunch with how sick she had made herself. 

Before long she looked up to the horizon and found that she had been walking up an incline for quite a while. She'd well and truly spaced out. She was on the Manhattan Bridge. She'd only just started the journey across though and her feet didn't quite feel like stopping. So up she went. There were people here and there on the bridge but not too many. She felt their eyes on her though. She didn't exactly blend in around here anymore. 

Sure, there were plenty of faeries around New York, but most of them had mastered the art of blending in. Nikki most certainly had not. She stood out like a sore thumb. 

The rule of having to wear glamour behind the counter of Moon in a Cup had been broken more than once during her long and lonely night shifts. 

It wouldn't be such hard work to keep her glamour up if she would just wear the stupid amulet but these days she couldn't even bear to look at it. She'd used it at first just to make sure that she could follow the rules of the shop but over time it made her feel sick to see it hanging around her neck in the mirror. See the human girl she used to be staring back at her from behind the only lie a faerie could tell. 

Glamour. 

Cheating the system. Faeries' could lie all they wanted as long as they didn't use their words to do it. It felt dirty at first but she'd kept doing it until she'd broken down crying one afternoon while getting ready for work. She'd locked it up after that and every day since her glamour had grown worse and weaker every shift until she'd started showing up with grey skin and horns on full display. She was lucky the shop had enchantments on it to keep appearances up and suspicions away otherwise she'd have probably been hauled off or shot at by some trigger happy human cop. Just another reason she'd chosen to work the night shift. 

Ravus would often come out of his office in the back for a cup of tea in the middle of the night and catch her in barely any glamour or sometimes none at all. He'd said nothing about it apparently because she'd never been scolded for it by Corney. 

She'd come to know the human man more and more lately and she'd regretted every second of their shared time together. He was not her cup of tea, so to speak. Of course, they may get along better if Nikki was a bit more enthusiastic at work or more lively than an actual corpse behind the counter but...she wasn't. 

She just wanted every shift to end as fast as possible. Wanted to get out of the shop before Kate would come in in the morning and bitch about all the things she hadn't done properly during the night. Or to simply ridicule her for how much of a child she was acting being.

Or to remind her that it was all her fault.

She thought Kate actually enjoyed causing other people pain. A trait that Nikki figured she'd picked up during her many years in Faerie land. She was a horrible girl. The worst part was that Nikki could never think of anything to say back to her. She couldn't argue with her. Couldn't even come up with the words to try and convince her that she was wrong. That this wasn't her fault. 

If she had just told him…

All of this could be different if she had just found the courage to tell Thorn how she felt. She should have told him before any of this started. Should have told him the day he woke up in her arms after she'd pulled him out of the Court of Teeth. If she had...maybe none of this would have ever happened. Maybe they would be living in peace in that ratty apartment, happy as can be...and be alone together. 

No more distractions. No more Faerie bullshit. No more talk of wars she had no context for. No more monsters and no more magic. 

Just a girl, and just a boy. 

She knew that that wouldn't have been how it went though. There were other issues between them besides the fact that she'd gotten him cursed. Like the fact that until he had confessed to her before the duel, she'd thought he hated liking her. She'd thought he didn't like her at all really. He was just so...magical. How could someone so strong and fantastical be afraid of anything...let alone be afraid of loving her.

Nikki could feel the sea breeze washing through her hair and she stopped. She'd made it halfway across the bridge already but only now realized that she hadn't taken the walkway like pedestrians were meant to. She really wasn't paying attention at all was she? She'd walked up the bridge in the traffic lane. Cars whizzed by her from time to time but there were at least a few feet of space for her to walk. No point in turning around now. Besides...did it matter so much if she got hit anyway?

She'd only looked down for a moment. This was how life was now though. She would blink and time would pass. It wasn't like it used to be. When she was younger, time seemed so slow that she may melt into her desk in school, or start to grow moss on her shoulders waiting for daybreak alone in her bedroom. Time was slipping away from her. 

Now she would look down and wallow in her sadness and time would race to beat her. It had been eight months since Thorn had fallen asleep. Her body ached for his touch as if she hadn't felt it for years but in her mind? It felt like a fresh wound like it were only yesterday. 

It felt like she and Kaye had gotten his car out of impound and driven his unconscious body to the shop twenty minutes ago. Like if she blinked too many times he would have rotted into the couch and there would be nothing left of him.

Gone in one faeries' sigh. 

The words had been haunting her lately. She was going to live for hundreds of years. Maybe more. How long would Thorn lay there before withering away to nothing? How long would it take to adjust to life without the promise that he might wake up and be hers one day? Could she wait that long? Could she really stand by and watch him die and just keep going after that? 

How long until she forgot about him? 

She was at the edge of the roadway now. Her hands were on the railing that ran the length of the old suspension bridge and she was watching the sun come up. She'd left early from work tonight and couldn't be bothered to wait for Kate to come and berate her with insults. The sun was just peeking up over the bay and when Nikki closed and opened her eyes again she was on the railing. 

She looked down to the fenced-in walkway below and beyond it, watched as the water flowed beneath the bridge with wonderful purple and orange lights reflecting off of it. It looked so warm...so inviting. 

She could feel the breeze on her face too and she couldn't help but lean into it. She was sat on the metal railing with her arms rested in her lap. As she sat there though she thought that maybe...just maybe...she shouldn't be. 

What if she fell.

The walkway didn't stick out THAT much...she could clear it if she tried. What if she hit the water so hard that...Thorn would…

"Nikki!" 

She turned when she heard the tires squeal. Her shorts slid on the smooth iron railing and just like that...she was off. 

She never heard the car coming. She'd been so spaced out that she hadn't even noticed it coming over the bridge. 

Val was out of the car before it had even stopped moving. She must have ripped the emergency brake because Nikki did hear the tires squeal to a stop. Horns blared as other cars dodged around where Thorn's car had come to a stop.

Val had spotted Nikki walking home from work and when she'd waved to the girl, Nikki hadn't noticed. Val had been using the car for a few months now, not having one of her own. Nikki had wanted nothing to do with it and had no problem letting Val be the one to keep it running while Thorn slept. 

Val had kept driving at first but the despondency on Nikki's face had made her think better of it. She'd turned Thorn's car around and raced in the direction she'd seen Nikki walking. She was lucky she had guessed correctly after that. 

Val's abdomen hit the railing so hard that she knocked the wind out of her own lungs. Her arms reached down over it and grabbed for Nikki's hand. She barely caught it but holding on to Nikki's sweaty palm was no easy feat. Nikki lay dangling from the bridge and Val had to brace herself against the railing to hold the tall girl up. 

Nikki didn't seem much interested in helping though and simply dangled there. "Nikki what are you doing?!" She shouted over the noise of the breeze hitting her face. 

"Waking Thorn up…" she said softly as she looked up into the redhead's bright green eyes. "Let me go."

"No! Help me pull you up you idiot!" Val growled through gritted teeth as she tried to pull Nikki back to the railing. 

"He's going to die, Val," Nikki breathed out and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. They didn't talk about Thorn much anymore. Nobody wanted to touch on the subject and make her uncomfortable. They didn't want to make her cry. All this had done was make it even more difficult for her to say his name or talk about him out loud. But it was okay now. That was all going to be over in a moment. "I can't let him die…" she blubbered. 

"Well, I can't let YOU die!" Val shouted down to her as her other hand closed around Nikki's wrist. Val pressed her foot down into the railing and began to heave backward. 

"If you don't let me do this then Thorn is never going to wake up Val!" She shouted hysterically. "That's not fair! Why should I get to live forever and he doesn't get to live at all!?" Nikki grabbed for Val's hand and tried to pry her fingers off of her wrist but some part of her knew that that was never going to work. Val was leagues stronger than Nikki was and no matter how much she out-weighed the redhead she was never going to get free. 

Val wrenched her weight backward and yanked Nikki back over the railing. The girls tumbled onto the concrete shoulder of the roadway in a pile of limbs. Nikki was on her feet before Val and was headed back toward the railing before she felt Val pounce on her. She tackled Nikki to the ground and pinned her to the sidewalk. Nikki's face was awash with silent tears and her teeth were ground together so tight that Val thought she may break a few of them. 

"Don't make me glamour you to let me go!" Nikki shouted in a horse and rough voice through her clenched teeth. 

"No!" Val shouted again and Nikki stopped thrashing her limbs around. Her eyes were shut tight from trying to fight Val off. She could feel splashing on her cheeks and when she opened her eyes, she found Val crying. Her tears were streaming down to the crests of her cheeks and dropping onto Nikki's face. "No," Val sobbed. "I won't let you. You'll have to make me because...cus I won't let you do it."

Nikki's tears began to flow faster and heavier down the sides of her head into her hair as she watched the older woman cry. She did this. She'd made Val cry. The first friend she had ever had in her entire life and...she had made her cry. 

Nikki may not know much about love but, she did know was how much her heart hurt watching Val's tears drop from her eyes. 

"We love you, Nikki," Val sobbed as she leaned her head down and into the crook of Nikki's neck and her hands went under Nikki's back. "We want you here...trading your life for Thorn's isn't going to make this any better."

Love.

"I curse you," Nikki breathed aloud and she heard Val's breath hitch in her throat. 

Val sat up and Nikki could see rage building in her eyes as she began to breathe heavier. Her hands went to the collar of Nikki's shirt. "Do it then! Curse me to let you go and I swear Nikki I wi-" she began to yell hysterically before Nikki cut her off. 

"No...no," she said softly as her hands gently brushed up against Val's. "The curse...Cardan's curse," she breathed in realization and felt Val's hands relax. 

"What about it," Val said as she wiped her face into her sleeve. 

"Cardan the...King, he said...until Love leaves your heart…"

"Yeah...so?" 

"What if," Nikki began as she sat up and Val pushed herself off of her. She extended her hand out for Nikki to take and Val pulled her to her feet. "What if I have the curse backwards," Nikki said in a shaky voice and Val noted a bit of hopefulness in her friend's eyes for the first time in months. 

"What do you mean?" Val asked as she looked around. Surprisingly the two girls hadn't drawn much of a crowd. There wasn't too much traffic this early in the morning and it was still fairly dark out after all. 

"What if I don't need to stop loving Thorn...what if...Thorn needs to stop lo-" she started before her lips parted and her tears dried up. It only took a moment for her to grab onto Val's hand and yank her toward the car. 

"Hey!" She stumbled after her. "Where are we going?!" Val yelled as she tried to keep her balance. Nikki left her at the passenger door and ran around to the driver's side before getting in and slamming the door shut. She ripped the gear shift into drive and the car was moving almost before Val had even sat down. "Jesus Nikki, what has gotten into you?" 

"I know how to break the curse," she said as she concentrated on the road. Val finally shut her door and pulled on her seat belt as Nikki drove to the end of the bridge and took a U-turn, headed back toward the coffee shop. Once she was headed in the right direction, Nikki reached over grabbed for Val's hand.

They were both clammy with sweat after their wrestling match but Nikki couldn't let go. Val was the only thing grounding her to reality right now and she needed it badly. "I'm sorry," she breathed out. 

"Don't ever scare me like that again…" Val said and Nikki thought she may still be crying. She couldn't look though. She needed to concentrate on getting them back to the shop. 

By the time they got there, their eyes were dry and Nikki could see Kate grumbling to herself through the front window. Nikki barged through the door and Kate nearly jumped in surprise before her expression turned to anger. 

"Bitch! You didn't do fucking anything last night!" She yelled but Nikki was already nearly past her and in the back with Val in tow. 

"Fuck off Kate," was all Nikki said as she ran by her and into the back hallway and up the stairs. She could hear both of them following her but it didn't matter. She fished the key to Corney and Louis' apartment from her pocket and jammed it into their door before busting through it. 

Corney was the only one home and he didn't seem to wake up. Nikki ran to the couch and when she got there the other two girls came through the doorway. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Kate asked as she watched Nikki crouch over Thorn's body. He was just as she'd left him. Layed out on the couch, still clothed and still asleep. It bothered her to no end that she couldn't even smell him, nevermind feel his heartbeat or hear him speak. His body was like the empty shell of a person.

She slipped her hands over his and shut her eyes before summoning magic to her fingertips. Val and Kate watched as a red string shot out from Thorn's finger. It shot right past them and out the door, down the hall and down the stairs out of sight. 

"What the fuck is that?" Kate asked haughtily as she crossed her arms. 

"That's...the string that's attached to Anya...right?" Val asked and Kate huffed. Neither of them had seen it until now. Nikki had told Val about it but she hadn't bothered to tell Kate. 

"Anya made a ring for Thorn before she left and he put it on after I moved in with him," Nikki began, speaking much too quickly. "We lost his enchanted ring at the Court of Teeth and he thought that maybe the one he found in a box of stuff she left behind was like a replacement but it wasn't. She had enchanted it like this so that the wearer would love the person who made i-" 

"Nikki slow down!" Val pleaded. "What does any of this mean?"

"It means that Thorn is enchanted to be in love with Anya!" Nikki said loudly and Val and Kate looked to each other in confusion.

"Aaannndd?" Val asked skeptically. 

"If I can follow the string to Anya then I can make her break the spell! Love will leave Thorn's heart! He didn't say that ALL love had to leave his heart. What if breaking Anya's enchantment will break Cardan's curse?!" 

"Well, that could work but...what makes you think she even can break it? Kaye couldn't lift that enchantment on her best day and if Anya wanted it broken she'd have done it herself by now," Val reasoned. 

"Who said anything about making her lift the enchantment?" Nikki said as she looked back to Thorn and Val saw a wicked grin pull across her lips. "I don't care what it takes. I'll follow the string to her, bring her here and if she can't remove it herself...I'll just hack her finger off or...whatever else it takes for him to wake up."

"...Well, that got dark fast," Kate remarked as she turned to leave. "I like it," she mused as she walked back toward the stairs. 

"Nikki, you...are you sure that this will work? You're not a killer…"

"I'll be whatever I have to be to wake him up," she said breathlessly as she stood up and took hold of the string. "I've already killed twice before...what's one more dead faerie in the grand scheme of things…"

Val crossed the room to her and took hold of Nikki's hands. Their blue and green eyes locked on to each other before Val said anything else. "I'll go with you," she offered but Nikki shook her head. 

"No."

"Nikki please I-"

"No Val," she insisted. "You have a husband and a kid and I'm not letting you risk your life for me again. You belong here...with the people who love you…"

"What if the Court of Teeth comes after you while you're gone Nik…" Val asked solemnly. "They have been staying away because they know we have you protected here but...out there...who knows where that string is going to lead you…"

Nikki walked to the doorway and Val watched her go. Once she'd hit the doorway she rested a hand on the frame and looked back over her shoulder to Val. 

"If a monster is what it'll take to save Thorn...then a monster's what I'll be."

  
  



	3. Chapter Two

I know you want to let the bottles in

I know you think that they're all your friends

They're lying straight to your face

I know about the devil in your bloodstream

I know that the ghosts still visit nightly.

-The Wonder Years, Madelyn

Chapter Two

Clothes. Toothbrush. Deodorant. Phone charger. Knife…

She picked through the things in her bag carefully, double-checking everything she'd packed up. Nikki couldn't afford to forget something important. She didn't know where she was going after all. Anya could be anywhere. Nikki didn't even know if she was still in the country. She also didn't know if the red string could be misleading. What if Anya could tie it around a tree or get it hooked on a light pole before she kept going in a different direction. There was no way to know. 

Once satisfied, she slung her satchel over her shoulder and headed out of Kaye's office. It had become her only place to be alone at work in the past few months. Most of Kaye's belongings had been removed when she'd moved back to Denville but the computer and desk remained. Nikki couldn't even count the number of times she'd retreated from work here or crashed for the entire day when she didn't feel like being a burden to Val. She was supposed to be staying with her so the redhead could keep an eye on her and make sure she ate and slept but that hadn't really been happening much. She'd fall in and out of sleep in the vacant office on the floor more often than not and get ready for work the following night in the bathroom. 

The hallways were dimly lit. She'd promised Val she would wait until nightfall to leave. Val had hoped she would sleep in that time but that hadn't been on Nikki's agenda. Instead, she had simply agonized over the things she'd wanted to bring, sat around watching the seconds tick by on the clock in Kaye's abandoned office, and then triple checked everything again. She had fallen asleep eventually but it hadn't been for very long before her alarm went off. 

She hadn't set one for when she'd wanted to leave. She'd simply forgotten to turn off her work alarm that went off every night. 

Nikki walked out into the shop and found Val waiting for her. She knew she'd be there but she still didn't want to see her before she left. She felt awful about what she'd done. Not because she'd really wanted to fall but because she hadn't thought anyone would care that much if she were gone. She hadn't wanted to hurt Val like that.

"You got everything?" She asked quietly as she walked out to the curb with Nikki. She popped the trunk of Thorn's car and Nikki dropped her bag into it. She pulled her phone from her pocket to check the time before dropping it through the open passenger window and onto the seat. Eight already. Even with the sun nearly down she could already feel the sweat working its way out of her.

The shop and all the offices were air-conditioned and Nikki hated summer. Fall and Winter were the seasons for her. Sweater and thigh highs were the temperatures she liked. Not this sticky disgusting mess called August. And now she was going to be stuck in Thorn's car, smelling his scent boiling up from the old seats for who knows how long. Alone. 

"Yeah, I got all of it."

"The knife?"

"Yep," Nikki sighed. Val had been a little more than happy when Roiben had returned the knife that Nikki had lost in the water at the Court of Termites. It had been hard for her to part with it again but she had all the same. After all, Nikki needed a knife that wouldn't burn her to touch. 

Val went around the car and opened the driver's side door for Nikki and she stepped in and sat down. Everything reeked. 

She could smell hot oil, fumes from the car sitting and running and all the iron of the city was drowned out by the iron and rot and rust coming from this little blue demon. 

But mostly, she just smelled Thorn. She had refused to say goodbye to him before coming out to the car. She thought if she saw him like that again she might not be able to leave. She would worry too much. But this way, she had something to hope for. That he wouldn't still be asleep the next time she came home. That she could walk through the front door of Moon in a Cup and find him sitting at a table by himself, drinking his coffee, waiting for her to come home. It was pure fantasy but she didn't care. She needed it. That image was one of the only things keeping her going anymore. 

Val leaned onto the passenger window sill and looked across to see Nikki touching her fingers to all the controls on the car that actually mattered. After all, this was only the third time she'd be driving. Val had forgotten just how inexperienced she was and she wanted to rip the door open and sit down. "Are you sure you need to go alone-"

"I can drive," Nikki confirmed, avoiding answering the real question. 

"Nik-" 

"Val you need to stay," Nikki said as she turned to face her. "You need to stop risking your life for other people...you've only got so much time...you should be here with Ravus and Trevor," Nikki huffed. "I can do this."

"...Okay...if you need anything…ANYTHING," Val stretched her fingers out. "Please...don't hesitate to call me or Hazel. Okay?"

"Okay," Nikki nodded. 

"Be safe Nikki," she nodded and tapped her hand on the roof of the car before she stood back up. "Oh," she said before reaching into her back pocket and producing a pair of black leather gloves. "It'll be hot but," she shrugged as she tossed them into the passenger seat, "at least you'll be able to open the door without burning your fingers. They were thin and form-fitting by the looks of them and Nikki smiled. She'd packed a scarf too Incase she needed to breathe through it in the car but she'd forgotten gloves.

"Thanks, Val...I will," she nodded again with a smile and pulled the gear shift into drive. She'd set her phone to lead her to the Court of Termites but that was just for show in case Val checked it. She needed to stop somewhere else first. 

Once Val had walked away she punched in the address of Thorn's apartment and set her phone down on the passenger seat again. She plugged it into the cigarette lighter to charge and then into the radio to listen to the navigation and to play music from her phone. 

This was going to be a long drive. 

Four hours or more due to traffic. 

She had to stop more than once and this time, they weren't just to have small panic attacks in peace on the side of the road. She was...hungry? Her newfound hope for lifting the curse had given her an actual purpose in life. She couldn't believe she was actually hungry and willing to do something about it for once. 

The first time had just been at a rest stop to pee but now she was nearly in New London and she needed food. She pulled into the first rest stop she could find and did her best to park the car straight in the relative darkness of night. At least there were a few street lamps in the dark parking lot. She still didn't really get how to do that properly, even with such a small car. She always ended up parking on one of the lines but the lot was relatively empty and it didn't matter. 

One pale hand went to her phone in the passenger seat and the other went to open her door. However, before her fingers could blindly find the door latch they touched something else. Something...soft and fluffy. It felt like a...doll? Once she'd retrieved her phone she looked down at her other hand and saw the little stuffed doll she'd noticed the first time she'd been in this car and realized she'd completely forgotten it was there. 

The little Totoro plushie stared at her with it's little black beaded eyes and for a moment she stayed there staring back at it. She reached for her bag and slung it over her shoulder before grabbing the doll from his spot, tucked in the door handle, and shoved him down into her bag. She needed a buddy to come with her to lunch. Maybe it would help her keep focused if she had something on her that kept her mind from wandering away from her mission.

As Nikki crossed the parking lot and got farther and farther from the little blue box of death she tried to get her skin to take on a slightly whiter tone than she'd been keeping up in the car. It was just so hard to use magic in the little demon thing. 

She couldn't feel the earth through it. It was like she was utterly detached from everything that made her fae. Like a human floating in space, complete with choking from lack of fresh air. When she was outside she could feel the earth living beneath her, Ravus had taught her how in the last few months. Most nights at the tea shop were pretty dead as far as humans went, and if he didn't have work to do or a client to see he would come out into the shop and help her learn more about magic. 

She hadn't been the best student, of course, her mind being elsewhere most of the time. Not to mention she'd been exhausted and starving during most of her shifts. Still, she had picked up a few things, and after spending so much time surrounded by metal and concrete every day, the suburbs of Connecticut actually felt alive beneath her feet. 

She even slowed to a stop along the edge of the parking lot to appreciate the smells of the wildflowers and grass that grew along the highway. 

She became so lost in the scent that she forgot her ears were still poking up through her long platinum hair, even her antler-like horns were still on full display for the passing cars to see if they bothered to look. 

Well, as full as they could be anyway. She was so tall and Thorn's car was so...not. When she'd first driven with Thorn she realized pretty immediately that his hair scraped up against the low roof of the car. She wasn't as tall as he was but the gap wasn't large. Her antlers were only around half-mast and they'd still scraped on the fabric roof of the car whenever she'd turned her head to watch for traffic. They picked and pulled at the old fabric with their pricker like thorns and she'd begun to tear tiny holes in it as the day had gone on. 

The longer she was in the car the farther she'd had to slump down into her seat to keep them from causing too much damage. The longer she was trapped in that awful thing the more her glamour withered away, her horns growing more and more as her energy drained. Tinting skin was much easier than taking something like that away completely. It was bad enough that her eyebrows ran off the edge of her forehead and her ears pointed upward. She could barely keep those two features in check but the horns were just too much. 

The people in their cars, red and amber lights flying by on the highway occasionally, probably couldn't even see her white bone-colored horns right now anyway. Even if they did they would probably think it was a trick of the lack of light. Their white pigment against her nearly white hair and her, now, pale white skin? They were easy enough to miss. They'd still have to go before she went inside to eat though. 

It was only seconds before Nikki was laying down in the grass and spreading her mostly bare limbs out through it. The grass, the dandelions, even the dirt felt like it all had one little heartbeat. It reverberated through her arms and thighs and rocked through her mind and heart. She could already feel her horns shrinking. 

She probably looked ridiculous but she didn't care. She hadn't felt this good in months. She really wasn't human at all anymore was she? This is where faeries belonged, wasn't it...in the wild. Tied to the earth. 

It wasn't where she belonged though. She had a place she belonged now and she'd be damned if she didn't get it back. 

No matter how many times she choked on car exhaust or brushed her hand against a metal railing or doorknob she would keep going back and she didn't care if it killed her. 

Nikki stood from the grass and collected herself, brushing blades of it from her thighs and the back of her shirt before she headed back toward the rest stop building. Not real food of course. The most real thing she could get here was a 'fresh' sandwich but it would have to do. At least it wouldn't be fried. 

Once inside she scanned the room and was shocked to find that there wasn’t actually anyone inside. She pulled her phone from her pocket and all at once she realized that she had become far too accustomed to working night shifts at the tea shop. It was one in the morning already. This was normal for her now. She was lucky this rest stop was twenty-four hours, being so close to a major city, of which there are so few of along this route. She walked up to the counter and began ordering herself the most appetizing sandwich she could craft from what was behind the glass and once she had it and a plastic bottle of tea she headed back outside. No reason to sit inside, so why not sit out on the grass? Apparently, no one cared and the night air was actually fairly cool.

She headed back to the spot she'd rolled around in and sat herself down in the grass. Nikki unwrapped the sandwich and plucked the doll from her bag and sat the little grey plush down in her lap. She counted herself at least slightly lucky that she could see in the dark now.

As the bread, veggies, and meat hit her lips, even over the grass and wildflowers, she could still smell the little doll sitting on her thigh. 

She was a little taken aback by how much it didn't smell like the car. It had been there for years apparently. She wasn't sure the last time that it had left the metal trap but it had been in the door handle for so long that there was an indent across his little stomach from being sandwiched in that spot for so long. Despite marinating in that death cloud for who knew how long…

It still smelled like him. 

Nikki closed her eyes as she chewed and for a moment she thought she might be able to focus only on that smell. Like if she could smell that and nothing else she could pretend that he was sitting beside her in the grass. There were too many distractions though. Too many noisy cars flying by for her to drown out the world completely. Still...it was better than nothing. 

Better to get some little ray of light in the world of darkness she'd built around herself. After all, if she didn't have any hope that she could save Thorn then...why was she even out here at all? Right? She needed to believe she could really do this if she planned to actually succeed in getting her life back. 

Her thoughts drifted to all the parts of him she missed the most. The parts that kept her up at night when they were missing. The warmth of his skin...maybe warmth wasn't the right word after all. He wasn't warm. He was scalding hot and even now in the dead of summer when her own skin was warm enough for two...she still craved his touch. She still wanted to sap his heat and lay still and safe within his arms every night...even though she only barely knew what that had felt like. They'd only shared his bed a handful of times and half of them were when he was recovering from their first road trip but still...she missed it. 

And now she was headed to his apartment...well… THEIR apartment. She hadn't been there since the duel and she dreaded the consequences. There were so many things waiting for her there that she didn't want to deal with but she needed to go. It was the only place she could think to look. She needed a way to track down Anya without solely relying on the string. She'd forgotten the string even existed until yesterday. It had concealed itself and after so long without seeing it she'd forgotten it was even there. Either that or Anya had managed to glamour it from wherever she was and if she could do it once she could probably do it again.

Nikki would need some form of picking her out in a crowd. Anya would probably glamour the string the second she thought she was being followed by somebody. The only way for Nikki to do that would be to find a picture of her somewhere and she figured her best bet would be buried somewhere in Thorn's bedroom in a box that he kept, whether on purpose or not.

She hated to think of that stupid curse. Not the one she was currently fighting against. The fact that he was asleep was bad enough but that he was more than likely having sweet sweet dreams of his precious Anya the entire time made Nikki's muscles burn and her heart seeth.

He was enchanted to love her after all. Why wouldn't he dream of her the entire time he was out? Anya and Thorn had a much longer relationship than Nikki did with him…Nikki wasn't even sure that she'd had one with him at all. How could she possibly even think to hope that Thorn would dream about her? Why would Nikki be the girl that he thought about when he needed to comfort himself...or when he wanted comfort from somebody else. All she'd ever done was get him into trouble while trying to convince him that she loved him 

Even at the height of Thorn's vulnerability...bleeding out in her arms in the back of his car...he had called for Anya...not for her. 

Sure they had just met a few days earlier and...sure he was delirious and...maybe he really did think that Nikki was actually his ex but...something had always told her that he had hoped she had been Anya...rather than just being confused from the blood loss. 

Even in the shower at Kaye's house, Nikki had felt the thoughts creeping up in her mind while the two of them had been tangled together. What did Anya look like? Could she peek into his mind and glamour herself to look just like her? Could she look just like the girl that Thorn really wanted to be alone in a shower with? Nikki probably wasn't skilled enough with her magic to make such a drastic change anyway…

He'd said that she reminded him of Anya though. In the coffee shop, the first time they'd been there he had...sounded disappointed by the fact that Nikki reminded him of Anya. Of course, at that time he was still bitter and wallowing in his bullshit. That had been before the two of them had saved each other's lives. Before they had slept together. 

Before he had a stupid red string wrapped around his finger tying him back to the girl he so clearly wished he hated...but couldn't.


	4. Chapter Three

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do

Reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

-Avril Lavigne, When You're Gone

Chapter Three

By the time she actually started to recognize where the hell she was, she was almost at Thorn's apartment. She didn't really know much of the surrounding towns and thankfully she hadn't had to throw up the entire way. She didn't know if that was because her body was unwilling to part with her only meal of the day or if that meant she was getting used to the poison of Ironside. 

That's what Kaye had called the human bits of the world anyway. And either way, neither scenario was a particularly good thing. Getting used to being around something that's killing you is never good but where else was she supposed to go? 

'Stop distracting yourself,' she thought as she pulled into the driveway. Nikki leaned her arm into the open window and ran her fingers through her hair as she let out a long breath. She looked up at the old white building, up past the other apartments to the top floor. Everything looked different now that the snow was gone and the building was only lit by the one lonely street lamp on their dead-end road.

She'd been paying the rent through the mail to Thorn's landlord for the entire year. It was one of the only things she'd actually been using her paychecks for. She'd had to glamour him over the phone once or twice to keep him from asking where they were, and the few times she'd missed the payment when she had only just started working. 

She knew Thorn had asked her not to but there had been no other option. He'd threatened to toss all of their shit in the dumpster behind the building and let a new tenant live there so she'd had to do it. As she climbed the stairs the air became thicker and thicker with moisture and heat. It had turned out to be a truly disgusting summer’s day and it only got worse as she climbed each set of stairs. When she made it to the top of the stairs she paused. 

She hadn't been inside without Thorn before. There were many times when he was asleep after she'd brought him home but...she'd never been alone inside. She slipped one of the gloves Val had given her onto her right hand and pushed Thorn's key into the lock. When she pushed the door open she was assaulted by locked up smells she had only half expected. 

Thorn hadn’t taken the trash down to the dumpster before he left. Why would he have? He’d expected to come home after all. He hadn’t planned on Nikki getting him cursed. It was an overwhelming wave of stink. She pulled her shirt up over her nose and felt her eyes begin to water as she rushed to the bin and tied up the bag before dropping it in the hallway. She shut the door and ran to the bathroom to grab something to spray but all she could find was Thorn's cologne. She rushed back into the kitchen and sprayed it several times before she rushed around and started opening all the windows. 

The stink of hot and moldy trash was slowly replaced with fresh air and…

Thorn. 

Shit. Why had she done that? She could've sprayed anything else but no...it had to be his cologne of all things. Now she was surrounded by a cloud of the boy she wanted to be holding her. She set the cologne down on the counter and looked around the room. At least they hadn't left anything running other than the refridger… "FUCK," she growled. The entire fridge was probably filled to the brim with spoiled and moldy food too.

"Looks like I'll be eating take out again," she thought aloud as she dropped Thorn's keys on the dining table and ran her hand through her hair, skirting around her horns. She let what little glamour she'd had on disperse into the air and the problem only became worse.

He. Was. Everywhere.

His scent coated everything in the small apartment. It was soaked into the carpet and all the walls. She could smell the laundry and his bed in his room from here in the kitchen and the door between them wasn’t even open.

She stood there for several moments, breathing it in and feeling the scent crowd around her slowly. She could almost feel him surrounding her, it was so overwhelming. It was like a film or a sheet of plastic wrap falling around her limbs, clinging to her skin. Like Thorn's ghost was trying to envelop her. She silently walked to the bedroom door and nudged it open. She couldn't hold it in. She needed to be in there and she didn't even know why. She was supposed to be scouring the apartment for something that could lead her to Anya...not letting herself be hypnotized by the stench of his sheets. She just couldn't help it. 

Lamplight streamed into the room from the window and lit up all the dust in the air from the sudden flow of air. His bed was just as much of a mess as she imagined it would be. Blankets were strewn around the room and his pillows scattered on the mattress. His clothes were everywhere. Shirts and socks and underwear were all over the room in piles of washed and unwashed laundry that only their owner would know the difference between. 

Nikki paced to the bed without really meaning to and leaned down to grab for the blue fuzzy blanket she had used to stay warm in the back of Thorn's car on their way to Maine. It still had a small red spot where she'd bled from her arm on it. She thought he would have stopped sleeping with it after that. Thought that, due to his heightened sense of smell, the blanket would seem repulsive to him, but apparently it hadn't. She looked around the room again and spotted a small cardboard shoebox in the corner of the room by his closet. She draped the blanket over her shoulders, despite the fact that the third-floor apartment was swelteringly hot. 

She had started sweating the second she'd finished climbing the stairs but she didn't care. Sure, she hated summer and the heat that came with it but in the grand scheme of things, drowning in Thorn’s scent seemed worth it. On her way to the box she opened the window and reached up, turning the ceiling fan on by yanking its chain. She lifted the box from the floor and brought it to Thorn's nightstand. 

Upon opening it her suspicions were confirmed that it was the box of Anya's stuff she'd left behind. The box that he had not only kept when she left but...the box of memories he'd kept even when he'd moved apartments. Why had he taken it out after Nikki moved in? Had he planned to throw it out and just...accidentally started looking through all of her old things?

He'd kept her clothes too. Well, only an outfit or two but that was more understandable. They hadn't been in their own box when he'd moved, they were just mixed into a box of his own clothes. But this box...this one contained nothing but the things that Anya had given him to keep...and he'd kept them. He knew what he'd find inside and he'd opened it anyway and started them down the path to where they were now...or had she done that herself? By making the deal with him to get the necklace back? Or was it the decision to seek him, of all people, out the night that her glamour was ripped off. 

Or was it that she let him drive her home…

If she had just turned around that day and gone back into the woods she would have taken much longer to get home. Maybe the trolls would have been gone by then and she could just run away believing she was a human girl. Thorn wouldn't have gone after the necklace a single time, nevermind twice. He'd be awake and free to live the life he lived before she came around and fucked it all up. The life that she knew nothing about...and never would if she couldn't wake him up to ask him. 

Inside the shoebox, there were a plethora of notes and trinkets. Love letters and little bracelets and things that she figured Anya had made for Thorn. Some were wrapped with pink hair as if she'd made it from her own. She probably had. Did faeries do that for their...mates? Make little trinkets to show that their mortal pets were taken, or to ward off other fae's enchantments? 

Could she make something for...she shook the thought out of her head as her mind began to quickly cloud over. This was too much. He was just too...everywhere. She sat down on the mattress and in seconds she was laying down, tangled in the blankets and sheets of Thorn's winter prepped bed. Every breath was so full and thick with Thorn's scent that her head swam. She grabbed for his long pillow and pulled it tight to her body. She could smell his hair and sweat in the pillowcase and even stained deeply into the pillow itself. 

Nikki wrapped her arms around the pillow and let her legs part to slip the other end between them and then...she lay there. 

This was dangerous and she knew that. She had told herself that this was a possibility and that she should avoid it but...some part of her knew she couldn't. What if this was too much for her to bear? What if being so enveloped by his scent would cause her to stay. What if she stayed just like this until the end?

She could die like this. 

She hadn't touched him in months. Her mind began to wander to the last time she'd felt this close to him. The last time she'd felt so completely enveloped by him had been in the shower of Kaye's late Grandmother's house. Kaye had explained that she had passed a few years ago but that she had glamoured the town officials into leaving the house untouched. She stayed there whenever she had gone to visit Roiben and they had needed space from the court. He couldn't often get away but when he did it was worth having a house nearby that they could relax in without getting too far from where he needed to be. 

It was just so hot. Between the heat the sun had baked with that day, their apartment being on the third floor, her clothes, and the blankets she was pouring with sweat. The fan really wasn't helping at all either. She could stay here melting all night though and as her daydreams shifted to recall the events of that shower they had shared she wasn't sure she ever wanted to get up. 

She could sleep here for the rest of the night at the very least, right? She had come to pick up a few of her things she'd left behind the night she'd run away, plus she'd come to look for some evidence of what Anya might look like. If she really could glamour the string to appear invisible then she would need to know how to spot her in a crowd. 

Just a nap...that's all it would be. Just a few hours rest from being cramped up in the car before she headed back toward New Jersey. The string led south anyway so she would have ample opportunity to stop and ask Kaye if the pixie would join her. She needed company and this was why. She wanted so desperately to be left alone but she knew that with distractions like this there was no way she could do this all herself. 

She just hated the idea of Val getting hurt by coming on another ridiculous adventure with her. 

Nikki began to peel off her clothes and toss them away onto the floor. Eventually, her dull grey skin was bare and she wrapped herself back into Thorn's sheets and returned the long pillow to her chest, set between her thighs and arms. 

She wanted so badly for the pillow to be Thorn but despite how it smelled of him and was warm like him...it just wasn't firm enough. It didn't hold her as she held it. It didn't press its hips into her like she pressed her's against it…

Why wasn't it him? She wanted it to be Thorn so why wasn't it? Even now when she was surrounded by him...she was still utterly and completely alone. 

//

When she finally woke up from the nap it was to the sound of a fist rapping on the door in the kitchen. She sat up quickly and rubbed her arm across her face to try and run some of the sleep from her face. It was barely light outside his window now. She stood from the bed and ran out into the kitchen, letting the blanket drop from her shoulders and hips onto the floor. 

When she reached the door she opened it quickly only to feel the metal burn into her palm from the doorknob. She had to squint, the culprit had turned on the stairway light and Nikki had only just woken up. 

"Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy," she heard as the young woman's voice trailed off into stunned silence. 

"What do you want?" Nikki growled out as her eyes adjusted to the light. It was the twenty-something-year-old girl that lived alone on the second floor. What the hell was she doing up here? 

"Uhm," she gasped and Nikki could tell she was utterly flummoxed by something. Nikki looked down at herself as she saw the girl's eyes were glued to her. 

"Shit," she grumbled and grabbed for the girl's shoulders and yanked her into Thorn's kitchen and shut the door. 

She was un-glamoured, un-clothed, and so slick with sweat that her skin had been glistening in the light from the hallway. 

"Woah god, please! I'm sorry don't hurt me please," the girl started to shout but Nikki pushed her up against the back of the door and slapped a hand over her mouth. The girl's dull brown eyes kept darting between Nikki's chest and the crown of her head as her heavy and short panicked breaths through her nose tickled the back of Nikki's hand.

"Shut up," Nikki groaned as she laced her words with magic. The girl's breath didn't slow but she did feel her lips stop struggling to scream or make words. "I'm not gonna hurt you so stop fucking freaking out," Nikki huffed and again the girl's demeanor changed. 

She seemed a bit drunk for a moment. Drunk on words. Her breath slowed and her hands went slack. Her shoulders too stopped trembling and Nikki let her go. "Why did you come up here?"

"Well, that guy who lives up here has been gone for like almost a year now and...suddenly his car is back so I thought he might be home."

"Why would that make you come up here? He's just your upstairs neighbor?" Nikki grumbled. 

"Well, I...I always thought he was kinda cute so I just...wanted to see why he had been gone so long," the girl admitted under the influence of Nikki's glamour and Nikki ground her teeth together. That was the last thing she had wanted to hear right now. 

"I live here with him. Do you understand?!" Nikki shouted down at her. "He is mine!" She growled as she began to pace back and forth on the kitchen floor. 

"You...you're the girl that moved in with him? But that girl was...human," the girl said in confusion. "What are you?"

"A monster! Alright!?" Nikki yelled into the girl's face and she shied away against the door. "I'm a fucking monster and I got Thorn cursed so he isn't coming home, okay?!" She yelled as she lashed out and grabbed onto the girl's shoulders. 

She was so pissed. So pent up after all this time of holding her anger for her own mistakes inside. 

But this girl was so...soft. So short and thin and...beautiful…

'So warm…' Nikki's thoughts trailed off as she stepped forward toward the terrified girl and pressed her dull grey lips into the girl's soft pink ones. Her fingers dug into the girl's shoulders but the girl didn't fight back. Nikki's hands slid up to the girl's cheeks and traced her jaw on both sides as she slipped her tongue into her mouth. Her eyes pulled shut and she began to lose herself to the lust she'd pent up for so long now. 

Nikki pressed her right leg between the girl's legs and spread them apart with ease. Her neighbor put up no resistance and after a moment was even starting to make moves of her own. The girls' hands eventually found their way to Nikki's hips and down her butt before her fingernails dug deeply into her grey skin. It was only seconds before Nikki dug her own fingers into the girl's backside and lifted her from her feet. The girl wrapped her legs around Nikki's back and let her carry her into Thorn's bedroom where she was dropped onto the mattress. 

Nikki fell with her and after only a moment for air, she pressed her lips back to their neighbor's. Clothes were pulled from her skin in moments while Nikki couldn't keep her lips off of her. She needed this. Every bit of this felt so right. 

Finally, she could kiss him. 

If she just kept her eyes closed she could pretend that this person in front of her was Thorn. Surrounded by his scent and in his bedroom...she could finally let it all out. 

That is until she started to kiss down the girl's throat and chest. They were so different. She was so small and fragile compared to what she was craving. She wasn't warm like Thorn either. She wasn't cold, but comparing Thorn's warmth to some other human's just wasn't possible. Not to mention she lacked his large frame and Nikki couldn't get herself inside this girl's grasp properly. She just didn't fit. She could have pushed all of that from her mind but the one thing she couldn't push out or ignore was the way the girl touched her. 

She was just so hungry. The brown-haired girl's touch was just too hard. The way her fingers dug into Nikki's skin, the way her nails dragged along her back or through her hair. Even the way she kissed her back was all wrong. It wasn't until the girl bunched up Nikki's hair and pulled it a little too tight that Nikki's eyes finally flew open and she jumped from the bed. 

She stood there for several moments, looking over the now naked woman in Thorn's bed as they both breathed heavily in silence. The girl looked like she was laboring greatly simply to breathe and Nikki held her hand over her own mouth, fingers touched to her bottom lip, as the high began to die down and she started to realize what she'd done. She'd charmed another mortal to take advantage of them. 

She'd been able to hold back and resist the urge for so long but she'd finally cracked. It would have been one thing if it had happened in some dirty alleyway back in New York but this...this was so much worse. 

She'd not only charmed a mortal...not only betrayed Thorn while he was asleep...not only done it all in his apartment…

But in his own bed?

"Get out," she breathed in panic and the girl sat up. She cocked her head drunkenly to one side and squinted up at her with desire filling her face. She was beautiful. Nikki had hardly had time to notice before she'd jumped on her so quickly. Long brown curly hair flowed down past her shoulders and her pale skin was flawless. Plump in all the right places and most especially to Nikki, not too plump in any of them. 

"What?" The girl asked lazily as she crawled forward to the edge of the bed toward the grey faerie girl. "We were just getting to the best par-" she said seductively and wagged her hips back and forth shorty but Nikki cut her off. 

"Get out!" Nikki yelled and the girl's face went slack. Her voice was ragged and she could feel the tears coming. 

The girl stood calmly from the bed and headed for the door. She didn't stop for her clothes or to even say anything else and in moments she was out of Thorn's bedroom. Only a few more steps and she was out in the stairwell. Nikki scrambled to pick the girl's clothes up and once she had she ran to the door and hucked them down the stairs. They landed at the girl's feet and she barely acknowledged them. "Put your clothes on," Nikki sobbed quietly before he slammed Thorn's door shut and pressed her back into the wooden surface. 

After that...all she could manage to do was to scream...and to cry. 


	5. Chapter Four

I'll find repose in new ways

Though I haven't slept in two days

'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist deep in thought because when

I think of you I don't feel so alone

-Owl City Vanilla Twilight

Chapter Four

It was hours before Nikki finally resumed her task. She'd come here for a reason and she would need to find it before leaving, no matter how hard it hurt to be here alone. She'd returned to the bedroom and wanted to lay back down after she'd gotten rid of her intruder but she couldn't bring herself to get on the bed. Not now. 

Not after she'd tainted it. 

It didn't smell right. The scent was now mingled with her own sweat, Thorn’s, and now, another woman’s. Would Thorn smell her in his sheets when he came home?..if he came home…

She’d cried herself back to sleep right where she’d slumped onto the kitchen floor for a few hours against the door. Once she’d finally woken up the sun was over the tops of the trees outside the kitchen window and she’d resolved to pick up where she’d left off last night before falling asleep. She’d moved into his room quickly and grabbed up the box before heading for the living room, shutting his door behind her. 

She sat on the floor at the foot of the couch with the box and tipped the contents out onto the living room floor. Hand-made bracelets, love letters, and all manner of things spilled out. Several of which were developed pictures and even some smaller Polaroids. Most of the pictures were of places that she figured must be nearby but one stuck out. The corner of it peeked out from the stack and it stood out bright pink against the dull greys of clouds and old buildings. She pulled it to the front and a part of her heart sank a little. 

He looked so...happy. 

They both did. 

The picture had been taken by a third person. Probably one of their shared friends if Nikki had to guess. The pair were asleep in the photo and tangled up in each other. Thorn's hair was much longer then and she could tell he was a few years younger when this one was taken. Neither of them wore a glamour and she could see that Thorn had no ring on his finger. Her skin was a deep-sea blue and her long pink hair was splayed all over both of them. They were both clothed though, with no blankets, as if they'd fallen asleep at a party by mistake. 

She was gorgeous…

Her shape was so unlike what Nikki had been led to believe by Thorn. It burned her so badly to find out that Anya’s... _ assets  _ were nearly the complete opposite of her own. A full chest, small waist, and nice shapely legs. Nikki couldn't tell if any of it was glamour but either way, this girl was perfect in her eyes. She didn't look like a monster. She looked like a fairy princess from one of those children's stories. Red translucent wings grew out of her back and the way her skin clashed with her hair was beautiful. She must have been a pixie-like Kaye, just a different kind. 

'You remind me of her,' the words Thorn had said to her rang out in her mind. She scoffed at them silently. "In what way?" She wondered aloud. "We don't look alike at all...she's beautiful," Nikki sighed as she ran her thumb over the girl in the picture. "And I'm…" she sulked. Her shoulders sagged downward before she turned the picture over in her hands. 

'Anastasia+Thorn New Years 2015,' it had a label on the back of it. "Anastasia huh?" Nikki sighed. "Even has a princess name...Anya." Nikki folded the photo up and stood from the floor. She headed toward the bathroom but stopped in the kitchen to stuff the photo into her bag. Once in the bathroom she ran the water and started a cold shower. 

She needed it at this point. It was disgustingly hot up on the third floor and she needed to cool off in more ways than one. 

Once she had cleaned herself up she began the process of drying herself off and getting dressed. She was thankful at least that she had clean clothes here other than her work shirts. She'd begun wearing them everywhere and she needed a change. In her room, she found a pair of underwear and ankle socks that she had sorely missed in New York. These were followed by a loose black tank top and a pair of high-waisted white jean shorts. She found her shoes at the door and grabbed her bag before she opened the door and froze. 

She was still there. 

The girl that lived below them was still standing on the landing of the second floor looking out the window at the bottom of the stairs. 

She'd gotten dressed at least. Nikki pulled on the best glamour she could quickly manage and locked the door behind her. As she walked down the stairs her ears shortened and hid behind her hair, followed by her horns. Her dull grey skin brightened to a much more pale color than she had been able to muster for the past several months as well and she began to think that the hope of saving Thorn might be making her body work a little harder. 

She stopped on the landing and the girl looked over to her silently. "Forget everything that happened and everything you saw in the third-floor apartment," Nikki whispered to her. "Go back to your life," she pleaded with magic laced words. The girl simply nodded and headed toward her door. Once inside Nikki let out a long sigh of relief and headed for the next flight of stairs. 

Once out in the car, she held her breath as the engine started. She rolled down all the windows before backing out of the driveway. This took several tries as she'd never had to drive backward before but eventually she made it out onto the street and on her way. She set the destination in her phone to Denville and got on the southbound ramp that would take her most of the way there and settled in for what would probably end up being the longest drive she'd had so far alone. 

//

It was nightfall by the time she reached Kaye's grandmother's house. All was dark and the night air was cool as it streamed in through the windows. Nikki wanted to savor how refreshing it felt but she was too on edge for that. As she pulled into the driveway she could already see Kaye sitting out on the porch alone. She shut the car off and headed up the walkway and Kaye could already see how exhausted she was. 

"Please kill me," Nikki groaned and even she couldn't tell if she was joking or not. 

"Me first," Kaye sighed with a smirk. She was sitting on the front steps that went up to the door and Nikki joined her.

"Why you first?" Nikki scoffed. 

"Roiben's being Roiben," Kaye groaned as she rested her chin in her hands. 

"Wait, don't you...like that?" Nikki chuckled. It felt good to laugh. She hadn't had many opportunities lately and she'd thought she may have forgotten how. 

Kaye smiled a little too but the gesture quickly left her lips. "Usually, yeah, but he certainly has his moments…"

"At least you get to have it that way...instead of the other way around."

"...How has it been?" Kaye asked softly and Nikki felt Kaye slip her fingers into her hand. Nikki threaded her fingers into Kaye's and lay her head down onto the green girl’s shoulder. 

"Bad," Nikki breathed. 

"Worse or the same?"

"Worse...raped his downstairs neighbor today…"

"You went to his apartment?” She felt Kaye’s head turn to look down at her. “That's what took you so long?"

"Kaye, I can't help but notice that you focused on the wrong part of that sentence…" Nikki sighed and struggled to keep her hands from shaking. "But yeah I...did."

"Why?"

Nikki fished around in her bag for the photo she'd found and pulled it out for Kaye to see. "Needed to know what she looks like…"

"Nik you...didn't have to go there for this," Kaye shook her head. "I took this picture...I could've told you what she looks like…"

"Well, I guess I tortured myself for nothing then huh?" Nikki said offhandedly. She'd known Kaye could probably glamour herself to appear as Anya to show her what the girl looked like, but she didn't want that. She didn't know if she could handle looking into a copy's eyes without yelling at them like they were the real thing. She shouldn't have gone to Thorn's apartment anyway. She'd barely been able to make herself leave. 

"I guess you did...what happened with the girl downstairs? Wanna talk about it?" 

"Not…really…" Nikki said slowly. "She'll be fine…" Kaye felt Nikki's hand tense up and decided it would be best to leave the conversation there. 

"Well...you're welcome to stay here with me tonight. The house is protected by the Court of Termites so it'll be safe…" Kaye began but Nikki could tell she'd barely been able to get the words out. Even Kaye wasn't sure if she wasn't lying or not. "I know that that doesn't mean much to you but...it's there," Kaye shrugged. 

"Thanks, Kaye…" Nikki sighed. "Sleep with one eye open okay?"

"Ahah," Kaye chuckled softly. "I don't really think anyone would try to break i-uh" she began but stopped when Nikki let go of her and stood. She turned toward the house and as her hand touched the doorknob she resisted. 

"Not worried about the monster's outside Kaye...just the one you've invited in…" she breathed before she pulled the door open and Kaye watched her go inside silently. 

Nikki climbed the stairs and heard Kaye coming in after her. "Bedroom on the right is all yours okay?" She called, trying to sound cheery. 

"Thanks," Nikki replied as she reached the top and turned into the open doorway. The room was much cleaner than the one that used to be Kaye's on the opposite side of the landing. Red bedding and metal frames with brown carpet. The room smelled alright but Nikki could tell that a smoker used to live here. It was stained into the walls and carpet and no amount of paint or chemicals would ever get that stench out. Well, not to the point that a faerie couldn't smell it that is. 

Still, it was better than sleeping alone on the side of the road in Thorn's car. She dreaded the thought that she'd probably be doing that at least once in her near future. She dropped her bag on the bed and pulled her phone charger from it. She pressed it into an outlet and left her phone to charge as she headed back downstairs. It had died hours ago but luckily not before she'd skimmed the rest of the directions to Kaye's house. 

As she came downstairs she could tell Kaye was starting to cook something and she turned toward the kitchen. The last time Nikki was in this room Kaye's boyfriend had threatened to kill her. All because of who gave birth to her. An evil woman she had never known and would never know. The last time she was in this house she and Thorn had…

"Hey, you hungry?" Kaye asked from the kitchen and Nikki was thankful for the distraction. 

"Sure, thanks," Nikki sighed. "I can help if you want?"

"Nah it's fine, you rest," Kaye smiled and gestured to the dining table. 

Nikki took a seat and noticed Kaye's phone sat on the table. "Mind if I text Val to tell her I made it? Phone's dead."

"Go ahead, no password." Nikki slid the screen up and quickly found Val's name in Kaye's recent texts. It took every bit of concentration she had to just send a quick 'Nikki made it, she's fine,' pretending to be Kaye. If she hadn't focused on it enough she may have started to scroll through their previous conversations. She set the phone down and locked the screen before pushing it away. She never considered herself to be a nosy person but...she wasn't just a person anymore. As a human, she had been completely in control of her actions but now everything was policed. 

Everything had to be triple checked. Every little movement of her fingers was regulated and watched. If it wasn't...well that's how random people in the street ended up in her arms, staring back at her from behind Thorn's face. She wanted everyone she saw to be him and she still didn't understand why. 

She loved him, yes, but why did she love him. After years of one night stands, what had this one boy done differently that had hooked her so immediately? Did she just like being treated like crap? Did that get her off? Nikki shook the thought away as she pressed her hands into her weary face. 

No.

It was the flashes she saw of the person that Thorn used to be that had drawn her in. When he'd finally told her everything would be alright. When he'd sat in the back of his cramped car and eaten dinner with her. When he'd carried her unconscious body into their motel room and bandaged her up when all he'd wanted to do was tear her to shreds. The boy who had told her to run and caused a diversion that could have killed him to get attention off of her. The wolf that had killed dozens of Undersea Knight's to keep them all alive AND challenged a knight to a duel in front of the king of faerie-land himself and won…

The boy that had asked if he could drive her home in the cold…for no other reason than that he could. 

When Kaye had finished cooking them a simple meatless stir fry and sat down Nikki began to play with her food a little. She'd wasn't all that hungry if she was being honest. She just needed something in her stomach that hadn't been frozen for eight months before being microwaved. "Kaye…"

"Mmm?" She replied through her full mouth. 

"Would you...come with me?" Nikki asked softly as she ran her fork through the peppers and onions and other greenery on her plate. "To find Anya?"

Kaye was silent as she chewed and swallowed her food. Nikki could tell she was conflicted before she spoke. "I wish I could but...I probably shouldn't do that...not right now…"

"...Why right now?"

"Roiben would throw a fit and...I guess I can't blame him with how things are."

"What happened man? What'd I miss?"

"Nothing we just…" Kaye sighed as her vision moved to the window in the kitchen. "Since I got hurt he's been really overprotective and...with everything that's happened lately here and in Elfhame things have just been...hectic and dangerous."

"What's been going on?" Nikki asked as she finally let herself begin to relax and took a bite of her dinner. 

"Well the throne got sorted out for one," Kaye started. "King Cardan married his human seneschal in secret and revealed to the world that she had been falsely exiled. They are together on the throne now."

"Wait...a human girl? Completely human? On the throne?" Nikki blinked in surprise.

"Yeah," Kaye scoffed. "Only Cardan would be so bold," Kaye shrugged. 

"Well, that must make you feel like shit…" Nikki sighed before she slapped her hand over her mouth and bit down on the skin of her palm. Kaye just nodded her head. 

"It's okay," she said, trying to calm Nikki from the words she clearly hadn't meant to say out loud. "We had a fight about it already and he said he just won't have it."

"That...that isn't fair Kaye."

"I'm not saying it is but...I love him and he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for me...I can't always change his mind."

"Okay but...what do YOU think is best for you?" Nikki stressed, glad to finally be able to focus on someone else's problems, rather than her own. 

She hadn't seen Kaye for months. She'd come down to visit a few times and Kaye had come back up to New York to do the same but...it wasn't like this. She hadn't had time alone with her like this since the attack on her court. 

Sure Nikki had Val but...there was just so much that Nikki didn't understand about the red-headed human and her friends. They were all so gung-ho and refused to spare a thought that what they did for a living was going to be the death of them. The way that Hazel would take jobs and risk her life despite the fact that Ruth was waiting for her to come home. Val did the same shit but it was only made worse by the fact that she had a child at home waiting. What if she died out there? What would Ravus do? A single parent is a single parent, faerie, or otherwise. 

But Kaye.

Kaye was like her. Not only did she understand how she felt about herself, but Kaye also understood and agreed with how Nikki felt about Val and Hazel's extracurricular activities. Kaye and Roiben having a fight was a blink of the eye for them. Time passed so quickly for the pair that they barely even registered that they were fighting. By the time they did, it was often over and done with. 

Love was forever for Kaye and Roiben...not a handful of years. That was all it took for Nikki's thoughts to make their way back to Thorn and she cursed herself for letting it happen so easily. 

So what if she loved him? So what if she woke him up and he told her that he loved her back? He was still going to die...in the blink of an eye. All this effort would be for nothing. She would close her eyes one night and in the morning he would be cold and dead and so very  _ not _ Thorn-like anymore. 

They would probably get funny looks if they ever left the house. A girl who looked no more than twenty walking around with the forty...fifty... eighty-year-old man until one day...she would be walking alone. 

"I think I'm where I'm supposed to be," Kaye admitted softly and drew Nikki back to the conversation. 

"You sure?" Nikki asked softly. 

"I've got time to change my mind...don't I?" The smirk that spread over her green face masked what Nikki knew all too well to be regret. She probably hadn't wanted to say those words but Nikki knew that she couldn't say them if she didn't mean them. 

"Yeah, I guess you do…" Nikki sulked as she rested a grey cheek into her hand. "You knew didn't you…" she asked softly. 

"Knew what?"

"That...Thorn's curse could be lifted by killing Anya…"

Kaye was silent for a long time until she set her fork down. She couldn't look Nikki in the eyes and that was enough of an answer. "Yeah, I did…"

"How'd you know?" Nikki asked and Kaye was surprised that she had asked 'How' instead of 'why didn't you tell me.'

"It...Cardan's curse was a riddle and I...I'm good with riddles," she admitted. "It's saved my ass more times than you’d believe, being good at faerie word games."

"...You didn't tell me so I could calm down first...right?"

Kaye drew in a deep breath and let out a long sigh of relief. "Yeah...I'm sorry...I thought if I let you figure it out yourself you would have a clearer head."

"It's been eight months Kaye…" Nikki grumbled. Kaye didn't need Nikki to finish her thought. It was written all over her face and blended into her body language. 'He could have been awake by now,' were the words that her body clearly wanted her to say but Kaye was relieved when she didn't. "You're probably right though I...still can't control myself...clearly," she rolled her eyes and let her vision drop to the table. 

Kaye reached her hand out across the table to Nikki's, but when the green of her fingers met the grey of Nikki's she saw her flinch backward away from her. Nikki shut her eyes tight and Kaye saw her drink in a sharp breath. "Sorry," Kaye breathed softly. 

"No, I…" Nikki growled. "I'M sorry...you're just trying to help and I...appreciate it...but people get hurt when I touch them…" Kaye could tell Nikki had choked the words out and she wanted nothing more than to pull her into a hug but she knew Nikki would have more problems if she did.

"That's not true Nikki…" was all Kaye could say. 

"Yes, it is...Thorn got hurt because I couldn't keep my hands off of him...his neighbor is probably confused as all hell right now because I couldn't keep my hands off of her-"

"But you did Nik!" Kaye started loudly before she took a deep breath. "You told her to get out. You got her away from you the first chance you got."

"Oh please," Nikki rolled her eyes. "She was already nude and I already had my lips all over her...my body doesn't care who it touches as long as it gets touched back…"

"Yeah but...you do…" 

"I don't think Thorn will see it that way…"

"It's not always about what Thorn will think Nik…" Kaye tried to soothe her. "Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you need to be the person you think they want… I'm sure he would rather you just be yourself."

"Being myself is all well and good when he's around but when he isn't...being myself isn't good for anybody," She shot back sternly. Nikki stood from her chair and placed her empty plate in the sink before she turned toward the living room. "Especially for me…" She finished as she headed toward the stairs. Halfway up she hesitated though and some of her sense started to come back. "Thanks for...letting me stay Kaye...and for...trying…"

She heard Kaye let out a soft sigh from the kitchen before any words came though. "Always Nik. We've got you…"

"I know…" she said softly before climbing the rest of the steps and shutting herself in the bedroom she'd been lent. 

The lights were out and she left them that way, not needing them to see through the dark of the room. She didn't want to anyway. If she became too familiar with this room...if the bed was too comfortable...she might not get up again. Nikki moved to the center of the room and pulled on the cord on the ceiling fan until it was humming at a nice speed. She moved to the bed and pulled the old comforter off the mattress and let it drop to the floor before she started to strip off the day's clothes. After she lay down she grabbed her phone from the bedside table before she rested it on the pillow for a moment so she could pull the sheet over herself. 

It felt so smooth against her skin and if it weren't for the metal posts of the bed giving off an aura of iron she might become too comfortable. Nikki was just about to close her eyes when they shot back open and she sat up in bed. She reached for her bag, now on the floor with the comforter, and reached inside. She produced the little stuffed Totoro plush from within and lay back down, letting her bag drop to the floor. 

Her head hit the pillow and she rested her hands before her, taking in the sight and smell of the little doll. It was all she had left. All she had to remind her of home. It felt strange...calling Thorn her home but that's really what he felt like to her. She had lost hers after all. Her home had been a lie for her entire life. Every second of every day she had felt distant from where she was supposed to be rooted and as soon as she had found out why...he'd been there. Sure he'd been an asshole for most of their time spent together but still...these roots were the strongest that had ever anchored her. 

She brought the stuffed palm-sized doll to her lips and drank in the scent of her missing wolf. This was all she had on her to remind her of what he smelled like. She silently cursed her heightened senses. This would be so much easier if she didn't have them but then…

Nothing was easy anymore. 


	6. Chapter Five

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

-Lord Huron, The Night We Met

Chapter Five

Nikki woke to light streaming in through the window, lighting the dust in the air in a sparking cloud all the way to the bed. Her weary eyes creaked open as she sat up. Her head felt heavy. She lifted her hand to her forehead but was surprised to find a soft and red object hanging just enough for her to see out of the corner of her eye. 

"Ugh not againnnn," she groaned. She lifted her hands to it and tried her best to gently remove the pillow that was hanging from one of her antlers. This wasn't the first cushion that she'd speared with them in her sleep and surely it wouldn't be her last. She'd ruined many pillows in her attempts to get a full night's sleep in the past few months. She bought more pillows now than anything else, besides maybe coffee and even then, most of those were free. The little pricker barbs in her horns would latch onto them and every time she tossed and turned throughout the night they would shred the pillowcases, giving the larger sections of her horns room to work their way into the stuffing. 

She set the ruined pillow down on the bed and stood, headed for the bathroom. Once she had adjusted to the harsh light above the sink she stared into the mirror and began picking the fluffy stuffing out of her hair and off of the pointed prickers as best she could. 

Moving to the shower, she cranked up the hot water before stripping off the loose tank top she’d slept in. She headed back into the bedroom for a moment to grab her phone before she returned and set it to randomize her music. 

She climbed over the edge of the tub and into the shower and in moments she was already sitting down under the stream of hot water, knees hugged to her chest. Her pale platinum hair clung to her skin as it matted down and even piled on the linoleum behind her. It really had gotten away from her lately. She hadn't paid much attention to it since Thorn went to sleep. 

She'd always had long hair, as far back as she could remember. So bright that it was borderline white rather than blonde. It had grown from below her shoulder blades down to her hips while she was so busy trying to forget that she existed. 

Did Thorn like her hair long? Did he prefer short hair? Anya had longer hair in the picture she’d found so maybe he did like it longer. Did it even matter? There was no guarantee he'd ever see it again anyway. Every time she sat down now it would get caught under her and she'd end up pulling her own hair. Maybe she should cut it after all?

"Nik?" She heard from outside the door followed by a short knock. 

"Yeah?" She asked quietly. No human could have heard that weak response through the running water and the door but she was thankful when Kaye twisted the knob and came inside. 

"You sleep okay?" 

"Ye-yeah," she stuttered a little. "I uhmmm...I ruined one of your pillows though…" she admitted softly. 

"I saw, it's okay," Kaye comforted as Nikki heard her cross the small room and hesitate outside the shower. "You okay?"

"As okay as I ever am," she huffed. 

"So...not okay," Kaye breathed.

"Yeah."

"You wanna talk about it?" She heard and her head perked up for a second. 

"Not really…" she said and heard Kaye hesitate. "Kaye could you...cut my hair for me before I go?"

"Uhm," Kaye seemed a bit stunned at that question. "I mean, yeah sure. I'm not like a pro or anything but I've been cutting my own hair for a while now."

"I don't need a pro," Nikki snorted a short breath through her nose. "I just need it cut…"

"How much?"

"I'm...not really sure. Maybe a lot honestly."

"Well yeah I mean I can do it whenever. I can do it right now if you don't mind. It's wet, might as well."

"You mean...in here? Right now?" Nikki asked quietly in disbelief. "You know I'll lose-"

"It'll be fine Nikki, don't worry," Kaye cut her off, and in moments Nikki saw her green fingers slip over the edge of the curtain and pull it back. "Scoot up okay?" Kaye asked and Nikki slowly obliged. Kaye reached up above her and angled the showerhead down farther and stepped into the back of the shower. Nikki stood up and let the water run down her chest trying her hardest to concentrate on the water. 

She hadn't even dared to steal a glance at Kaye's face or body. She had no idea if she was clothed or not. She felt Kaye's fingers thread into her hair and for a moment she thought she could feel sparks, like little specks of magic, seeping into her skin. "So how short huh? I think it'd look cute if it were cut around your shoulders and left straight."

"I mean...I have no ideas so...go ahead I guess. It'll grow back if I hate it," she shrugged and Kaye set to work. The cut was so simple that really all Kaye had to do was chomp a mostly straight line around Nikki's shoulders. The hair fell in thick clumps around their feet and after a few minutes of detailing here and there, Kaye spoke again. 

"Okay turn around."

Nikki closed her eyes tight and spun in place. Her back felt so bare as if it hadn't felt direct air in years. Like the skin there hadn't had a chance to breathe. She felt the scissors set to work again as Kaye's nails combed through her bangs to try and find where they wanted to sit naturally. She shortened them up and cut the last few lengths of her long locks before she set to work thinning out the rest of it a little so the ends didn't look too thin. "Alright, all set," she said and Nikki noted a hint of satisfaction in her voice. 

"Thanks, Kaye" Nikki breathed. She felt so much lighter now. She'd never noticed how much the mass of her own hair had weighed until now and she felt so free to move around. Keeping her eyes shut, Nikki lifted her hands to her face and then up through the platinum locks that remained to try and gauge what it looked like. It was short. Shorter than she'd had it since she was a child. The ends formed a ring just above her shoulders and she figured Kaye must have glamored it a little to keep it straight as a pin. It was parted over her right eye and some of her bangs remained, nearly covering her left eye.

"No problem," she heard the green girl beam cheerily as if she were admiring her own work. "You look great Nikki," she heard before she felt Kaye's fingers on her. 

Nikki's nerves jumped as she tried to take a step back but Kaye held her there gently. "Kaye," she breathed nervously before she felt the pixie's arms go around her shoulders. Kaye pulled her forward into a hug and Nikki froze. She didn't know what to do. What was she supposed to do? It took every ounce of strength she had to just stand there and keep her hands to herself. 

"You're okay," Kaye soothed. Nikki thought she could feel sparks pricking the muscles in her back and slowly, her heartbeat began to slow and her nerves began to settle. Was Kaye enchanting her? "Everything's going to be okay."

"Kaye...are you…" Nikki breathed softly as she relaxed in the pixie's touch, her face rested over her shoulder. She slowly opened her eyes and found Kaye's red wings fluttering slightly behind her. 

"I did some reading," she said, keeping her cheery tone. "Faeries like you need intimate contact to think straight so I figured I could enchant you a little bit to keep you level ya know? How is it?"

"It's...really nice actually…" Nikki admitted as her arms went around Kaye's lower back. "But you...we both have people and…" she stumbled to try and make her way to the excuse but in truth, she'd needed this so badly that she didn't want to even let the excuse escape her lips. 

"Don't worry about that," Kaye chuckled. "It's not like we're doing anything. Just skin to skin. We're faeries' Nikki...not human girls. It doesn't need to be anything more than this."

Nikki let out a long sigh of relief. Almost so much that she could scarcely believe she'd had that much air in her lungs in the first place. "Okay," she breathed again. 

The pair stayed like that for a long while, what seemed like several minutes as Nikki tried to let her mind go blank. It wasn't too hard. She felt calm. Far calmer than she had, not just since shed changed, but in years. No storm raging in her mind to distract her. Of course, eventually, her mind shifted to wishing that it was Thorn that was holding her like this. The longing wasn't there as badly as it usually was but nothing could ever take it away completely. Not until she had him back. 

"Okay," Nikki breathed. "I think I'm good now…" she reasoned out loud and Kaye let her go. Nikki let her eyes fix on Kaye's body but strangely, she didn't feel the urge for her vision to linger there. 'Shit...whatever she did to me...really did help,' she thought to herself as she locked eyes with Kaye. "Thanks, for...everything."

"You got it," Kaye smiled brightly and turned before stepping out of the shower. Nikki turned off the water and Kaye turned back to grab up Nikki's long clumps of cut hair. 

"Hey can…" she started before she even really knew what she wanted to say. "Can we save a little bit of that?" She asked. She didn't even know why she was asking for a moment before the thought finally came to her. 

"You want to make something for Thorn with it?" Kaye smirked and Nikki brought her hand up to her heart and blushed. 

"How'd you know?" 

"It's a thing," Kaye shrugged and gave her a more relaxed smile. "It's just like humans putting labels on their relationship. Little tokens like bracelets and shit tell other faeries, 'hey he's mine bitch," Kaye laughed and Nikki couldn't stifle the small chuckled that bubbled up from her chest. 

"Did you make one?" 

"Yup," Kaye nodded as she turned and dropped most of the hair into a trash can and put a few thick strands into a towel and closed the fabric around them. "He always wears it too. Never takes the thing off."

Nikki smiled silently as she stepped out of the shower and grabbed for a towel. She dried herself as best she could and headed for her clothes. Kaye left the bathroom and by the time Nikki found her down in the kitchen, both girls had re-dressed. 

"Would you mind if we waited on making that bracelet? I really should get moving," Nikki sighed. 

"Yeah, hairs gonna take a while to dry out anyway so it's best you get on your way," Kaye shrugged. 

"Thanks, Kaye," Nikki felt an easy smile creep over her lips. She felt calm for the first time in months. The pixie always knew what to say and what to do it seemed. 

"Anytime," Kaye smiled as she crossed the kitchen and pulled Nikki into another hug. "That little charm should last for at least a few hours but after that, you might find your issues coming back," she felt Kaye sigh. 

"A few hours is more than I've had all year so, I'll take it," Nikki almost laughed. The pair split apart and Nikki adjusted her bag on her shoulder before she turned and headed for the door. 

"I really am sorry you know…" Kaye said softly and Nikki stopped as she reached the door. "I really wish I could come with you…"

"It's okay," Nikki said, almost hearing a bit of confidence in her own voice. "I got this," she smiled before she pulled the door open and stepped out onto the porch. 

As she walked to the car though she got the eerie feeling that there were eyes following her there. As if she were being watched by someone or something the entire way. She slipped her hand into the hem of her shirt and pulled the car door open before she stopped and looked all around the yard and out across the street. Nothing. 

It wouldn't be so weird to think that she was being watched, she reasoned. Kaye's house WAS protected and watched by the Court of Termites at all hours of every day so there probably was someone there, she just couldn't see them. 

She dropped her bag into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut before shoving the key into the ignition and starting the car. A few minutes later she was back out on the road, windows down and music up. She felt...strange.

Feeling good was strange. Now that she wasn't used to it anymore. Not that she had ever been used to it before meeting Thorn but...for those few brief moments that she had with him she'd felt better than ever before. Kaye really had done something to her and if she was being honest...she hoped that it would last a lot longer than Kaye said that it was meant to…

/

She couldn't sit still anymore. Her thighs ached. Her arms felt heavy and she was struggling to keep her eyes open. She'd been driving all day. She'd stopped for gas twice and only once for food and it had gone dark hours ago by now. 

Not only that but that sweet and thoughtful little spell that Kaye had put her under had worn off over a state back down the highway. She was restless again. Back to her normal self. Well...her new normal anyway. Nikki could scarcely remember a time when she felt normal. She wasn't really sure she remembered what it felt like to be able to sit still for more than thirty seconds without her mind wandering to the hot skin of her slumbering roommate. 

She'd left Kaye's house before midday and just kept driving, stopping once in a while to make sure she could still see the string. She'd pull over on the side of the road and summoned magic to her fingertips, finding the long fabric of the string in her palms still pointing south. 

How far did it stretch? Would it stop on the southern coast of the states or was she going to have to drive all the way to South America? She could glamour her way through the borders but could she handle it mentally? That was not a short drive. Even now she was only around South Carolina and trying her best to not fall asleep at the wheel. She needed to stop, no matter how badly she didn't want to. 

Stopping meant she could find her way into trouble. Nikki hadn't wanted to think about it, or show that she agreed, but what Val had said had been eating away at her since she'd made up her mind to go find Anya. 

What if the Court of Teeth were waiting for her to leave New York? What if the Undersea were? What if they both were waiting for their chance to pick her off while she was alone and away from anybody who gave a damn about who she was or if she came home. 

Coming alone hadn't been the plan all along but when Kaye had turned her down she'd had little other option. She wasn't about to drive back to New York and tell Val she'd changed her mind. 

On top of all of that sat the worst part of being out here alone. She could barely control herself when all was said and done. She could police herself when she was thinking straight when she was home. But out in the unknown? There were bound to be temptations and she had no idea how she was meant to curb them. 

If only she could cast a spell on herself like the one Kaye had put her under. She didn't think it worked that way though. She figured that the skin to skin time she'd had with the pixie was what had made her feel better more than the spell itself. The spell was just meant to keep her sexual urges at bay during the contact, not to relieve the pressure of wanting to be touched. 

Finally, she pulled off the highway and into the first town she'd seen in several miles. It wasn’t large but wasn't too small either. After a day and part of a night of driving the fluorescence and neon lights of signs passing by the car seemed almost hypnotic and made her vision swim a little. Nikki shook her head hard and fast to try and wake herself up, trying to spot a motel sign among the fraying lights. 

It didn't take long until she'd found one. When she turned into the lot she felt the car slump to one side before it groaned and leveled out a moment later. "Fucking curbs…" she cursed under her breath as she tried to guide the car into a parking spot away from any other vehicles. She was lucky that that had been the only thing she'd run Thorn's car over that day, nevermind that the curb was low enough to not scrape the underside of the metal death trap.

She shut the engine off and reached up to turn on the cab light. When it flicked on she closed her eyes against the harsh yellow light and again had to shake her head and rub her eyes out with her fingers. When she pulled them away she could see little black spots and stars in her vision but at least she could see. She grabbed up her phone and charger before shoving them down into her bag and pushed the door open. She shut the light off and locked the car before shoving the keys into her bag and marched her way through the dark parking lot toward the small lit up shack near the entrance. 

She tried with all her might to glamour herself but was too tired to worry about how convincing it was. She could glamour the attendant if she had to, that would be easier than disguising herself. 

As she walked across the lot though she heard music coming from another corner of the lot where there were several cars and a few of the motel doors hung open. There were people all around, mostly men, she noted. Some sort of party. Nothing she couldn't sleep through. 

As she pulled the shack's door open she found a man behind the counter, who's eyes immediately fixed on her with a questioning glare. She laced her words with magic and began to speak. "I'd like a room for the night."

She could see the magic taking an effect as his muscles slackened and his gaze became more passive. "Only you?"

"Only me," she nodded before looking around the room. There were snacks and sodas and such in a cooler near the counter and she grabbed for a bag of gummy fish and a bottle of iced tea. Not her favorites but, it was something she could pick at tomorrow in the car. "These too."

The man slowly racked up her total on his register and she pulled her wallet out from her bag. "Seventy-Five forty," he said and Nikki pulled the cash from her wallet and put it on the table. 

"Keep the coins," she sighed and winced. She could practically feel the metal discs in his hand and the way they plinked back into the register made her spine tingle. She was handed back a few bills, followed by her room key. She dropped everything down into her bag and headed for the door. "Oh and there's some guys having a party in the parking lot," she said and the man just shrugged. 

"They paid for the rooms, don't much care what they do in them." 

Nikki rolled her eyes weakly and headed back out into the warm night air. She pulled the key up from her bag and checked the number engraved onto it, "thirty-four," she mumbled to herself. She began to count the doors out and found that thankfully, her room was nowhere near the loud party-goers. 

She felt it again though. 

Eyes. 

She looked over her shoulder and for the briefest of moments, she thought she saw two tiny glints staring back at her from across the road. They were gone in only a moment though and she had to reason with herself that she was just tired. No one could have found her this quickly. As long as she set off again in the morning she'd be fine. 

Her attention was wrenched back toward the people in the lot when she heard one of them whistle loudly. "Come party beautiful!" She heard a man shout toward her and all she did was look straight back toward her door. She could see the numbers on the doors at the far end of the lot now and could see the one she desired only a dozen paces away. She didn't need this right now. This was the very last thing she needed. To get sucked into some stupid party, filled with humans who she could manipulate so easily to do whatever she wanted. 

Their whistles continued as they berated her with all manner of sexual compliments. It took all she had just to focus on the door. She needed to sleep. When she finally made it to the door she swiped the key card down the magstripe and the door unlocked, popping open a little. She slipped inside and closed it, locking the handle and deadbolt as fast as she could to keep from burning herself. She moved to the blinds and closed them as well before she turned back to see the room. 

It was dark, of course, but her glowing blue eyes could make it all out well enough. Two twin beds, a twenty-year-old TV set, gross green carpet, and worse yellow wallpaper. 

It looked just like the room they'd stayed in when she'd cut her arm on her horns. The room she'd bled in. 

The room she'd raked her nails down Thorn's back in and kissed him so hungrily that she'd thought she could never get enough. 

The images of the red lines she'd dredged in the corded muscles of his back flashed through her head and she felt her knees wobble a little. She could almost taste those first kisses she'd stolen from him. Her teeth clamped down onto her bottom lip and some of the sleep lifted from her muscles as they tensed up. 

Nikki pulled her tank top off after dropping her bag onto the floor. She slid out of her shorts and quickly dropped to the nearest bed. The memories were flooding her mind now as her long fingers slid up her own thighs and she closed her eyes tight. 

Her stomach twitched a little at the idea of what she was about to do but she continued all the same. She hadn't been touched by anyone the way that Thorn's neighbor had touched her in over eight months and she needed it. She'd been ignoring the feeling for over a day now. Her thoughts kept twisting as her fingers worked their way to all the spots she liked being touched. 

Images of her time tangled with Thorn in the shower, or in the cabin wormed through her head as her breath began to hitch over and over. 

Why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he the one touching her like this? Her fingers could never compare to the way his tongue and lips and teeth had felt on her body and she quickly grew frustrated with her own inability to satisfy her own needs. 

It wasn't long before she'd sunk so deeply into her own haze of lust that her thoughts twisted into far worse images. Images that couldn't be brought to life. Images of Thorn surrounding her so completely, like his scent had while she lay alone in his bed. He was just…so…

Everywhere…

She could hear bottles clinking in the back of a truck outside and her thoughts dashed back to the guys that had been whistling at her and before long...a wicked...terrifying...exciting…And wonderfully horrible idea had snaked its way into her mind…

Her breath was heavy, her muscles were tight and her desires had made up her mind for her. She was on her feet before she even realized it. Her hand was on the door in only another breath.

If Nikki wanted Thorn to be everywhere...then she had the power to make him be just that.

Everywhere.


	7. Chapter Six

Think I took it way too far

And I'm stumbling drunk, getting in a car

My insecurities are hurting me

Someone, please come and flirt with me

I really need a mirror that'll come along and tell me that I'm fine

I do it every time

I keep on hanging on the line

Ignoring every warning sign

Come on and make me feel alright again

-Halsey, 3 am

Chapter Six

The cool concrete of the walkway was what she noticed first. It felt like wet ice against the burning grey skin of her soles. She could hear the beginnings of rain tapping on the overhang of the walkway that ran the circumference of the motel, sheltering the doors of each room. 

Nikki reached out and steadied herself for a moment against the wall and found that cool to the touch too. The sun had been baking hot that day but it had gone down hours ago and the building at least had cooled down a little. Compared to her skin though, it was shiveringly cool to the touch. She felt the tingle rock down her spine as she looked out to the parking lot. 

The rain wasn't bad yet, but there were signs that it would be. Steam was rising up in a short cloud from the blacktop as the cool droplets fell onto the well-cooked surface of the lot. 

She could hear their voices. Boos and yelps of annoyance at the water droplets threatening to ruin their fun. The noise of the voices crashed against her exhausted mind and made her cringe but...she still kept walking. 

Well, stumbling really. She was so tired. Every muscle and every bone ached for sleep but she was still moving. It was only half an idea. She wasn't sure what the other half was. She just wanted to say hi…

Right? 

That's all it was. Just hello...how was your nap? Did you sleep well while I was gone? I missed you...missed your eyes...and your words...missed your fingers in my hair...and my nails in your back...did...did you...

"Yo what...the hell?" She heard, her eyes snapping back up from the floor ahead of her. She found three of the men from the collection of cars in the concrete hallway with her. She hadn't heard them move from their trucks. It seemed everyone else had already cleared out, either taking refuge in rooms with doors open or in their cars. 

The mist was rising...more of a haze. She could barely see across the lot anymore, couldn't even see the room she had come out of. How long had she been walking? 

She looked back to the men and found them cowering a bit, seemingly afraid of her. Her hands were moving before she'd told them to. She pressed her finger into one man's chest and felt a small charge of her magic flow through her finger and into his body. 

It was only moments before his face began to shift. Scrawny arms and shoulders shifted into the athletic build she wanted. She felt a bubbly laugh come up from her throat. She almost felt...giddy? Drunk at the idea that he could be here. That she could look at him again and he could touch her. She watched the man's features twist and change until finally, there he was. 

Looking back through a pair of black eyes, drunk on magic and beer and desire just like she wanted. 

"Did you...miss me too?" She asked, a power-drunk smile spreading over her lips. She grabbed for his hands before he could answer and placed them at her hips where they belonged. She could barely hear her own voice. It was as if she'd downed an entire handle of wine alone and she could hear only the faint echo of the words that spilled out of her lips. 

She spread out with her magic, looked to either side of herself, and watched as the rest of her guilty half an idea formed into one whole terrible and full one. The other two men's features began to shift and for a moment, she froze. She hadn't even known that this was her plan. 

Now he really was everywhere. 

As their forms stopped shifting she watched them step toward her and it was only another breath before their hands were on her. A pair on her cheeks, turning her head to expose her throat. There were lips on the skin of her neck then, and another set of fingers slowly dragging down her stomach. 

Utterly and completely...everywhere...just like she'd wanted. Their bodies crushed against hers and the haze only grew. "You missed me right?" She asked again before there were lips on hers. Rough and cracked and every time they parted she smelled beer. That raw and rank smell filled her mind every time their lips parted but it just didn't matter. 

It didn't matter that these lips weren't right. She could fix them. Magic flowed through her lips and into his and soon the lips felt almost perfect. Almost as soft and wet as she remembered them. She could ignore the smell well enough so long as the lips were right. The fingers on her abdomen kept dragging downward and when they finally reached between her thighs she gasped into the other Thorn's mouth. The third set of fingers moved to her bust while the one kissing moved his hands up to her throat. There was more pressure in this one's hands and he took a solid grip around her neck. 

The fingers were too smooth though. She could probably fix that too. Thorns' fingers were rough and sliced and used. He worked with his hands after all and they were calloused and worn. The way they'd gripped her hips in the shower was proof enough of that. They hadn't slipped against her smooth wet skin even once. 

By the time she was done thinking about it though she realized that they had indeed changed to how she remembered them. The rough pads were nice and snug around her throat and another little bubble of a chuckle struggled it's way up her throat before their lips were together again. Being drunk on magic and Thorn's touch was already enough to keep her in a haze but now she could hardly breathe on top of it all and it felt...so…'sooo good,' she thought to herself. 

"Why...aren't you...like...this at...home," she croaked out between breaths and kisses. She felt him snicker to himself at her words before his grip on her throat tightened and this time, all of the air was cut off. 

The fingers working between her thighs moved downward again and Nikki tried to gasp in approval as they moved inside her. She couldn't though, she opened her mouth but no sound and no air came. Her brain was on fire. She knew she'd wanted something but she'd no idea that that something could be this. 

Lips pressed into her shoulder blades before moving to her spine as she arched her back and desperately tried to suck in a breath. Her vision was starting to go black and she could see little stars blinking and flashing around the Thorn's faces. 

Nikki's hands flew up to tap on the man's wrists, trying to let him know she needed a breath. When she did though, the hands left her bust and grabbed for her wrists, binding them together behind her back. Nikki's eyes began to roll up as she tried to dredge up more magic but she felt empty. Where had it all gone? 

She couldn't have used all of it already could she? She felt like she was floating as her oxygen-starved brain began to go down a mental checklist of what she'd been doing with it. 

There were the fingers...right...that was easy to remember, they were still on, and in, her after all. All...thirty of them? Well...maybe that was a lot…

Then the lips she'd fixed...only three pairs of those...that wasn't so bad…

Her eyes drifted shut. She was just so tired, and now breathless, that she wasn't sure she could make it to the end of the list in time. 

Why did Thorn have to be fixed so much anyway? What had he been doing all this time for his bodies to change so drastically that she needed magic to change all three of them back to how they belonged? 

She shook her head, trying to focus. The list. There was...uhmmm...his arms...so scrawny and not at all as hard and defined as she remembered...she'd had to fix six of those too...Why did he have so many god damn arms and lips and fingers...stupid...everywhere wolf. 

What else? What was it...she blinked one last time and saw a pair of green eyes staring back at her through the splotches of black and white clouding her vision. 

Oh...that was right...the eyes...why were they the wrong color again? She'd...thought she'd already fixed those…

The fingers too were turning suspiciously smooth again and after another blink, the face looking back at her was no longer the one she'd crafted. 

"Thorn?" She mouthed, but no sound came. "Thorn!" She tried to shout and suddenly, she was writhing in their grasp. Fingers slipped from her legs as she shoved her weight to one side. One of the men fell to the floor but the hands around her throat held fast. 

Her eyes were wide now but no less clouded. She could hardly see, and now that her blood was pumping she could feel unconsciousness creeping ever faster over her mind. 

What the hell had she done? She was out of her room, in the nude and surrounded by three men that she'd sworn she'd seen earlier. The memories flooded back to her, of trying to sleep, daydreams of Thorn...and then that one...horrible idea that had wormed its way between her ears…

'Oh god,' she thought. She couldn't have...not again…

Nikki felt sick. Sick with herself and sick with sleep. Sick enough to vomit, and she did. She threw up what little bile there was inside of her and it was only then that the man let go of her. She chugged air as she fell to the ground, unable to catch herself. She had no strength. Her limbs felt like jelly and she couldn't even right herself. She lay on the cold and damp concrete doing all she could to just keep breathing and stay awake. 

"Bitch!" The man yelled down at her as he quickly pulled his freshly white stained shirt off and tossed it aside. Nikki watched helplessly, her nails digging into the concrete as she tried to crawl. He stepped up to her as the other men stood back up from the ground. 

"I'm...sorry," she gasped, still trying to catch her breath. "I...didn't mea-guhh!" The man's boot collided with her stomach and cut her off. The pain didn't register quite as much as she'd expected but that was only because she was barely conscious. Her blood was already full of adrenaline from nearly being choked to death but still...it did hurt. 

Nikki recoiled from the blow and gasped for air again, the little she'd managed to suck down getting knocked out of her. She curled up as best she could to protect her stomach against the concrete and felt it scrape against her hip and shoulder. Her face was stained with either raindrops or tears and right now, it didn't much matter which it was.

She looked up and tried to speak again but saw the men surrounding her and winding up to strike her again. She tucked her head into her arms and held her breath...but the blows never came. 

The sounds of them did though, she could hear the limbs colliding. The dull thuds amongst the rain hitting the blacktop. They sounded far away but...maybe she was already asleep? Maybe she just couldn't feel them and maybe...she'd never have to wake up again. 

It still felt like her ears were blocked with air but...she could swear she heard a woman grunting with the blows and...not that she was sure but...she didn't think it was her own voice. 

Nikki pushed against the concrete to try and right herself. She made it to where she was propped up on an elbow and she looked around, finding a blur of a fight going on behind her. One man was already unconscious on the ground beside her and she jumped at the sight of his bloody face and shirt. She scooted back from the three dancing figures as she blinked and tried to steady her choked breathing. The muscles in her throat were so sore and stiff...she'd be feeling that for several days...if she lived that long anyway. 

She brought her fingers up to rub them into the bruised grey skin but flinched back as they touched. 

"Revin! Get up!" The woman's voice scolded loudly, pulling Nikki's attention back to the tousle. Nikki squinted up to find one of the men holding the woman against the concrete wall, forearm jammed against her throat and knee pinned between her thighs. 

Her hair was tied up in a knot behind her head and far more blood red than she recalled, but she knew that face. The pale skin...the scowl on her lips, the burning hatred in her red eyes…

"...Dul...camara?" Nikki breathed out. She looked around and found one of the other men getting up off the ground and Nikki sprang to her feet. She was wobbly still, but she made it to the man who was holding Dulcamara against the wall and jumped into his back. Her limbs went around him as tight as they could and she locked her elbow around his throat. 

His free hand came up though and he punched wildly at her behind his head. He couldn't get much strength into the blow because of his position, but then, he didn't need to. Nikki was barely holding on as it was, and when his knuckles hit her cheek, it was only a breath before her shoulder hit the concrete again. 

The cold and coarse surface bit into her skin again and she felt the cringe rock down her spine. Nikki looked back as the man began to speak. "Wait your turn you little freak!" He yelled before pulling a folding knife from his pocket. He swung the blade out and jabbed it forward into Dulcamara's abdomen, right down to the hilt and Nikki heard the beginnings of a scream or growl bubble out of the Knight's throat. Nikki raised her leg and kicked toward the side of the man's knee and, though it wasn't a very hard kick, it did land right where she'd wanted and his knee buckled to the side. 

He cried out in pain as he fell and Nikki heard a small thud as Dulcamara's boots returned to the ground, followed by a much larger one as the man hit the floor in a heap of pain. He clutched at his knee and even Nikki could easily tell it was broken. 

The third man began to run then, clearly accepting that the tables had turned on him and his friends. Dulcamara was on him in only a moment though. She ripped him around and shoved her knee into his stomach before slamming his head against the concrete wall. He was unconscious before he hit the ground, but she kicked him in the stomach again for good measure, or pleasure, anyway. Nikki thought it was probably a little of both the way the Faerie Knight's lips turned up for a moment. 

Then she was moving again, crouching by the third man who was still writhing in pain about his knee. One Swift punch to the jaw and his head hit the concrete, out cold as well.

Nikki clawed her way into a mostly upright position and smelled blood running down her arm. It wasn't bad but it was there, filling her oxygen-starved breaths. She could smell Dulcamara's blood too. A look passed between the two of them that lasted far too long for Nikki's liking and she had to speak. 

She doubted anyone had heard them. By the time the fighting had begun the rain had been roaring against the ceiling above them in a deafening chorus of noise and thunder was even starting to rumble. 

Nikki wiped her hand against her shoulder and it came away bloody. "Are you okay…" she asked, her voice shaky. This faerie made her nervous. They all did really, but Dulcamara wasn't just some Faerie. Not some pretty girl who worked in a cute little coffee shop with her human friends, and only defended herself when she had to. 

This Faerie was a killer...trained and hardened and cold.

Nikki watched her red eyes fall upon the knife sticking out of her lower right side and saw her frown. Blood was oozing slowly from the wound and Nikki knew it was only going to get worse when she pulled it out. 

"I have...might," she gulped, "have some thread and a needle in my bag...from when I stitched up Thu-…" she gulped as the name hit her lips. Her stomach churned at the thought of him or rather...what she had just done. 

Dulcamara looked back at her in silence and seemed to give her a look of resignation, among other things. Chief among those other things Nikki thought she might have seen disgust and if she was honest...she deserved it…

She was disgusted too. 

Dulcamara was moving then, walking right past her and down the hallway toward Nikki's room. She sucked in a long breath and tried to hoist herself to her feet. It was shaky, and she hurt everywhere. 

That stupid word. Everywhere….so completely and utterly...everywhere. 

How could she have done this…

Nikki staggered down the outside hallways and found her door open, just as she had left it. Dulcamara was already inside and heading toward the small bathroom at the back of the room. Nikki gave one last look around the lot before closing the door behind her. 

She leaned backward, steadying herself against it as she focused on her breathing. She counted herself lucky that at least the person who had been following her was someone who didn't want to...or rather, probably was ordered to not hurt her. She wouldn't be shocked if the Knight did want to kill her right now. 

Nikki paced to the bed and found her bag on the floor where she'd dropped it. She dumped out the contents on the bed and found the thread and needle she thought might be there. She paced to the bathroom and peeked around the corner slowly to find Dulcamara carefully ripping her shirt apart and away from the knife. 

Nikki watched as the thin white cloth was pulled farther and farther, stretching and tearing until she tossed it in a wet heap behind her. Nikki had never seen a woman so muscled before. She was still lean and thin, but her muscles were so sharp and defined. So in-human. 

She watched the Knight reach for a face cloth with one hand and grip the knife with the other. Nikki wanted to protest but she knew it couldn't stay there and watched in morbid fascination as Dulcamara began to pull on the knife. Her face turned red and her muscles all tightened, a growl bubbled out of her throat and Nikki saw her stop and take several breaths. 

"Fucking humans," she cursed softly and Nikki could see the wound was beginning to char and turn black around the edges. 

"What's happening?" Nikki asked and saw the Knight's shoulders sink. 

"The blade is coated in some finish...as it breaks down...the iron will start to kill me...I don't have the strength to pull it out from this angle…"

"The iron…" Nikki realized before she snapped to. She was going to die if that blade didn't come out. Nikki had forgotten all about Iron sickness. "Turn around, I'll pull it out!" She said quickly and reached for a small face cloth as well. Her hands would be too slick with rain and blood to grip the blade without it. Dulcamara turned, albeit begrudgingly, and Nikki wrapped the cloth around the knife and squeezed as tight as she could. 

"Ready?" She breathed nervously. 

"Get on with it," Dulcamara huffed and shot her a scathing glance. 

"Okay okay…" Nikki breathed nervously. "One...two...three!" She grunted and pulled. The knife shot out halfway before the teeth of the blade snagged in her flesh. Nikki's wet hands slipped and she stumbled backward into the wall, hearing Dulcamara growl loudly and clench her fists tightly to keep them from moving to the knife. "Sorry!" Nikki gasped as she righted herself and moved back to the knife. "oh my God I'm sorry," she breathed quickly again. Her face was still wet with tears and she couldn't tell if they were fresh or simply hadn't dried yet. 

She could hardly see in the harsh fluorescent light of the bathroom. The buzzing of the bulbs made her head spin but she took a grip on the knife again and heaved. It ripped from Dulcamara's flesh and thin blood began to pour out of the sliced and separated meat of her stomach, onto the floor and down her dull white skin. 

Nikki fumbled to put the knife down and felt her legs wobbled a little at the sight. "Put pressure on it okay?" Nikki asked. Dulcamara seemed to be in a bit of a trance. When she reached out and took the Knight's hand though she seemed to snap back a little. She lifted the rag to the wound and held it there as she breathed in long ragged strips. Nikki ran her hands under the tap, using the rag to turn the old iron handles. 

She washed her hands as best and quickly as she could before drying them on a nearby towel. Nikki collected up the needle and thread and began to tie them together properly before she returned to the Faerie Knight. 

"This is gonna sting...okay?" Nikki breathed nervously and her ice blue orbs met the harsh red ones. 

"I've had worse," she grumbled. "Do it."

Dulcamara let her hand fall and Nikki gagged at the way the cloth clung to her abdomen without her hand there to hold it. She peeled it back and found it mottled with quickly thicking red blood and swallowed hard. 

"Okay…" she said weakly as she rinsed the cloth and rung it out. She wiped at the smeared red mess until she could see only skin and held the needle at the ready. "Hold still…" she whispered. 


	8. Chapter Seven

Just going through the motions

Just putting on a face

It feels like 1929, &

I'm on the verge

Of a great collapse today

-The Wonder Years, A Raindance in Traffic

Chapter Seven

This was becoming a little too normal for comfort. Not the sitting in the shower moping. Not the blood running down her body. Not the cuts and bruises that came with walking into danger and being a clutz. Not the stupid crying that never seemed to stop. No…

The guilt.

The way her skin felt stained and ruined. The way that she wanted to throw up constantly but had nothing left to let go of. The way she felt empty and horrible and...regretful. 

The way she let...no...egged people into touching her...only for it to sting later. 

'You hate yourself like this…' the words echoed in her mind. Her toes curled at the voices in her head and she crossed her legs, holding them tight to her abdomen with her arms around them. 

She'd let Dulcamara get cleaned up first, after the wound had been stitched. She hadn't said a word to Nikki since telling her to pull the knife out. No thank yous and no you're welcomes. Just silence. The kind of silence that came with disappointment and shame and all the worst things a person could feel about themselves...or about someone else. Nikki didn't blame her at all for it but she needed to speak. 

If she wouldn't talk to her then the words in Nikki's head were going to eat her alive and by the end of this painfully long night, Nikki just might finally lose it. 

She could still feel their fingers all over her. She'd scrubbed for several minutes. The blood was gone but the shame remained and she was afraid it wouldn't be leaving before this night was over. If it ever left at all…

How was she supposed to look Thorn in the eye and tell him that she loved him if she kept letting this happen?  _ Making _ this happen? 'Why does that make you think it's okay?!' More words he'd said to her...and he was right again...of course...like he always was. 

She hated how right he'd been about her but right now...she hated herself far more than that. 

At least she'd stopped bleeding. Her shoulders were scuffed and cut and her throat hurt so much that it made her eyes water but for better or worse, she was alive.

And if she was alive then that meant Thorn still had a chance to be alive. A chance that she had to take.

Once out of the shower she did her best to dry off and wrapped the towel around herself as tight as she could. She wasn't sure why she bothered though. When she left the bathroom she found Dulcamara sitting on one of the beds, wrapping gauze she'd probably found in the pile of crap Nikki had spilled from her purse onto the other bed. She still had no shirt on and now, no trousers either. She did have what resembled underwear on, just extremely bland and not at all alluring like human garments were meant to be.

She'd already seen Nikki Stark naked and covered in blood and rainwater so...what did it matter. They weren't human after all. Things were different in the realm of Faeries. Intimate contact was just for fun and seeing each other nude at a revel was nothing. So why did it have to feel like it  _ was _ something? 

Nikki leaned into the door frame of the bathroom and watched the knight struggle to wrap the gauze around her abdomen for a moment before finally speaking up. 

"I could...do that for you?" Nikki suggested but Dulcamara huffed a sarcastic laugh. Her throat burned and ached as the words passed through it but she couldn't stop. They had to come out. 

"I think you've done plenty for one night, don't you?" She said in her shrill and mocking way, the words scathing Nikki. It wasn't that she hadn't expected them but it still hurt. Her voice was so high and it dug into all the wrong places in Nikki's eardrums. 

"...Did Kaye ask you to follow me?" She asked and saw Dulcamara's shoulders stiffen before slacking with a sigh. She shook her head with a pained smile on her lips, teeth bared. 

"The Pixie does not command me as she does our King," she chided in a grumbling tone. 

Nikki fell silent as the words washed around in her mind. There was something to decipher there but she was just too exhausted to figure it out right now. "Fine well...are you going to be here when I wake up?"

This time it was Dulcamara's turn to fall silent. Her lips wove together tight and Nikki could tell that she was grinding her teeth together behind them. She watched the muscles in her jaw flex over and over before she finally looked away. Clearly, she wasn't in the mood to talk to her...why should she be? 

Nikki crossed the room to the door and twisted the deadbolt before moving to her bed. She scooped everything she'd dumped out of her bag back inside except for her phone and the charger. She plugged them in and when her screen lit up she found multiple texts waiting for her. Some from Kaye and some from Val. 

She pulled up the ones from Val first and quickly found that she was just trying to ask if she was safe. She rattled off a quick reply that she was safe so far and doubted she'd get an answer. Her screen said it was three in the morning already. Val was probably off to bed hours ago. 

She pulled up Kaye's text next. 

'Hope you made it to a rest stop safe. I'm sure your phones dead but whenever you get this just know that we have eyes on you. I didn't want to tell you while you were here because I thought you might protest but...we can't just let you roam around without protection. I asked Roiben to send a knight to watch over and protect you. It'll probably either be Ellebere or Dulcamara. Either way, you probably won't see them unless you need their help. Be safe Nik,' she read and sighed at the last few lines. 

So Kaye had sent her...sort of. That's probably why Dulcamara was so angry. Well...that and that she'd had to rescue Nikki on day one of this stupid trip. Kaye had asked Roiben…

The pixie had once mentioned to Nikki that Roiben would do anything she asked him to. Anything. And if Kaye wasn't the Queen of the court then that meant Dulcamara didn't have to respect her wishes unless Roiben ordered her to.

'This is too much right now,' Nikki thought silently as she set the phone down and pulled the blankets back from the headboard. She crawled into the bed and pulled them back over herself and slowly, let the plinking of the rain on the roof lul her down into sleep. 

/

When she finally woke she could still hear the rain, albeit much lighter, and the sun was trying to peek around the blinds she'd closed the night before. She felt stiff and sore and sick. Hungry and...lonely. 

Hungry was good though. That one was new and had only been around for the last few days. That was something she could actually act on and fix. The rest of it well, that would have to wait. She pushed herself up to a sitting position and looked around the room. The other bed was empty and made and she felt her shoulders sag. 

"Gone already…" she croaked softly before she heard the doorknob twist. She jumped a little, but when the door opened and her red-headed acquaintance appeared before her she relaxed, but only a little. "Thought you left," Nikki huffed quietly. 

"If only I could," Dulcamara grumbled before yanking the curtains open. Sunlight streamed in and blinded Nikki, her arms flying up to shield her face. 

"What the fuck dude?! Come On!" She moaned and felt the taught and bruised muscles in her arms and neck pulse painfully. 

"We need to get moving, get up," Dulcamara ordered and Nikki heard her cross the room. 

"What time is it?" Nikki asked as she turned away from the window and blinked several times. 

"Almost noon," Dulcamara answered as she moved to the opposite bed. 

The Knight was dressed now, in suspiciously human clothing with a sword strapped across her back. She hadn't had that last night...had she? Maybe she'd stolen them. The black crop top she wore had a yellow butterfly in the center of her chest and her black skinny jeans flowed right down into her chunky black boots. An oddly warm ensemble for the summer heat. Maybe they were her clothes? Maybe she'd left it somewhere before confronting the men. Wait...the guys from last night!

"What happened to the guys last night?"

"I threw them in the bed of their truck and covered it. Glamored the owner too. It's past checkout, get moving," she said. 

"...Thank you...by the way," Nikki said shyly and watched her companion roll her red eyes. 

"I said get up," she said flatly. 

Still not in a talking mood apparently. "Fine...god…" Nikki sighed and stretched as she stood up. It hurt to move at all but she wasn't going to get anywhere if she lay in bed all day. She moved to the far side of the mattress where she found her clothes from the day before and pulled them on. They weren't exactly clean but it was only now that she realized her change of clothes was in the trunk of Thorn's car. They'd have to do for another day. At least she'd showered. 

She collected her things and then they were out in the parking lot, both looking over their shoulders to see if anyone was watching. Neither of them had bothered with glamour but thankfully they didn't see anyone around. 

"Are you coming with me?" Nikki asked, again in a nervous and shy tone. 

"You clearly cannot be trusted to take care of yourself," Dulcamara huffed as she wrapped the hem of her, likely stolen, shirt around her fingers, and pulled the passenger door of the car open. Nikki sighed as she watched the elven women lower herself into the car and then followed suit. She tossed her bag into the back seat and watched as the Knight pulled a scarf out of her back pocket and wrapped it around her face. She tossed the sword into the back seat as well. 

Nikki started the engine and both girls rolled their windows down before Nikki headed out and onto the road, and within only a few moments, back onto the highway. She could still see the string in the air above them thankfully, so either Anya hadn't noticed, or she'd somehow found a way to see it without revealing it to everyone, only to herself. 

It didn't much matter as long as it stayed where she could see it. 

"So...Kaye told me she asked Roiben to send you after me…" she began quietly. Dulcamara didn't look at her though, nor did she respond. She couldn't tell but she was sure she was scowling below the scarf. "I really appreciate you helping me you kn-" she began but sucked in a nervous breath as Dulcamara's hand shot out. It reached for the radio volume though, and the noise shot up loudly to block out Nikki's words. 

Nikki reached out and turned it back down. "What is your problem dude! Why are you being like this? Just talk to me!" Nikki shouted, trying to keep her eyes on the road. 

"You want me to talk to you?" Dulcamara snapped as she sat up straight and turned to face Nikki. "Fine. You're selfish. You claim to love that foolish wolf and you go and pull shit like you did last night? You don't know what love is!" She growled at Nikki and all she could do was take it. "You put yourself in dangerous situations for fun and get the people around you hurt, whether they want to be around you or not!"

Nikki's fingers gripped the steering wheel tight and she bit down on her lip to keep her mouth shut. Words bubbled up in her throat but she held them down. The pent up energy grew behind her eyes and in her cheeks. 

"You preach about how it's wrong to kill and to use magic to control humans and yet here we are after another mess you've created for yourself," the Knight chuckled out with more than a pinch of sarcasm. "Now I have to follow you around everywhere to make sure you don't get your precious little head cut off when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong."

"Okay!" Nikki yelled and instantly regretted it. Her throat killed. Every single inch of it ached in pain and the more tears and words she choked down the more it lit up with pain. The more her chest puffed out the more she choked and soon she began to cough, doubling the pain in an instant as the rough blasts of air expanded her muscles. "Ne-ver-ugh-mind," she coughed the word out as she tried her best to take deep breaths. 

To her surprise, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Dulcamara pause, mouth open and scarf pulled down to reveal her equally red lips. She looked as if she'd planned to tear into Nikki more but had stopped at the sight of her struggling to breathe. She closed her mouth and returned the scarf to her face before laying back in her chair. 

There was silence for several minutes before Dulcamara actually spoke first. "Next we stop, we will need supplies for the night. I'll go inside and get them." More of a statement than a conversation starter but at least she wasn't yelling. 

"For the night?" Nikki asked softly, suddenly thankful that Dulcamara could probably hear just as well as she could. Over the wind from the highway and through her scratchy voice it was a nice change of pace to be able to whisper and still be heard. 

"If you cannot be trusted to sleep in a populated area then we must camp," she answered quietly from behind the scarf and didn't spare Nikki a glance. She seemed focussed on the passenger-side mirror or some such sight outside her window. 

Camping? In the dead of summer in the south. Great. Sweat central. "It'll be too hot to sleep out in this heat...I'll behave...i-" 

"You'll what?" Dulcamara snickered. 

"Look," Nikki growled softly and tried her best to keep her voice level. It cracked as she spoke but as long as the words came out and the pain didn't force tears to her eyes it would have to be good enough. "I get it okay? You don't like me, you don't like that you're here and I don't deserve your help. You're not here to be my friend, you're here to be my baby sitter. If that's all you're here to do then I'll stop trying to be friendly and just shut up...I'll be fine if we stay at another Motel tonight...I swear…"

Dulcamara didn't answer. She didn't even spare Nikki a glance. Instead, she simply huffed a sigh and nodded. 

Nikki nodded to herself and glanced toward her bag that was rested between them on top of the hand brake. When she did though, a small glint of light caught her eye, a reflection on a screen. 

Down in the center console, beneath the radio rested an item that she hadn't expected, or seen there before now. Teal rubber around a white-bordered screen. Thorn's cell phone? Nikki reached down and grabbed for it before touching her thumb to the power button. The screen flashed to life and she saw a battery icon blinking red. 

"Hey," she said as she held it out to Dulcamara. Finally, the Knight looked to her, and again, Nikki could almost feel the scowl she received. "Plug this in okay?" She asked. There was a long silence before a sigh of resignation. Dulcamara grabbed the device and the cord sticking out of the radio and connected the two. The battery began to charge as Nikki spoke again. 

"Can you pull up his Rhapsody and play some music...if you don't wanna talk to me I'm not gonna sit here in silence all day," Nikki said, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. She didn't want to set her new partner off again. 

Dulcamara rolled her eyes and shook her head for a moment, forcing Nikki to speak again. "It's the black one with the kitty ears," she said softly before guiding the red-head through the rest of the menus. 

"Which one," Dulcamara asked when she'd finally found the list of Thorn's downloaded music. 

"Just hit the button with the two arrows crossing over I don't care what comes on," she said before she heard Dulcamara's thumb-nail clack against the screen one final time. 

"I know what shuffle is," Dulcamara rolled her eyes.

The speakers hummed for a breath before the music came, "We wiped out all the Buffalo, around the turn of the last century," it began and Nikki sighed long and hard through her nose in disbelief as she closed her eyes for a moment and hit her head on the headrest. 

"What are the fucking odds," she grumbled quietly. 

//

"Why do you hate Kaye so much…"

The words had just sort of...slipped out. The pair had stopped for breakfast an hour or two after they'd started the day, and even as they'd picked back up and kept driving, they'd stayed silent all day. 

Darkness loomed on the horizon but for now, the wide-open sky was painted orange and purple and still light blue in a few places. The clouds had broken up some as they continued south and the rain had thankfully ceased without the temperature rising in return. 

Nikki still didn't enjoy driving much at all but she could easily admit she'd become more comfortable with it. She had her left elbow rested on her window sill and her head rested against her palm, one hand on the wheel. 

She'd been thinking the question silently all day but suddenly, the words weren't just in her head anymore. Now they hung in the open air.

Dulcamara was much in the same position as Nikki was and she remained silent, her eyes fixated on the sky. She may not have even heard her, too distracted with the music that she, curiously, hadn't complained about a single time, and with the picturesque sky. 

Nikki returned her attention to the road, resigning herself to not receiving an answer. 

"Why do you love the wolf so much?" 

She heard Dulcamra's voice as if it were far off. As if the sky itself were asking her the question rather than the woman sitting beside her. 

Nikki didn't answer. She couldn't form the words. There were reasons, obviously. She could list them off in her head silently but when the words tried to get to her mouth they became...fumbled. Messed up. The sentences all jumbled together and none of them seemed to want to leave her mind. 

They sounded silly. 

As if they were to be said by some starry-eyed teenager who didn't know jack shit about love. 

What business did Dulcamara have to ask why she loved Thorn...or to answer her question with another question? But maybe, just maybe, that was the point. Maybe this question was meant to make her realize that her own question wasn't any of her business, or that the answer didn't matter. 

She loved Thorn because she loved him. And Dulcamara hated Kaye because she hated Kaye...maybe that was all there was too it.

Unless she'd just tried to use her question to distract Nikki from getting an answer. If she answered...maybe Dulcamara would too. Trust started somewhere after all. Maybe it had to start here. 

But how could she answer that question? She knew what love was now at least when she hadn't before. Love was pain, as far as she could tell. The pain you felt when someone wasn't with you when they should be. Love was sitting alone when you wanted to be with them instead. Love was the way that she felt ashamed and disgusted with herself. Love meant that she wanted everyone she saw to look like the boy she loved and the way she wanted them to love her back. 

"I love Thorn because…" she started. She sucked in a deep breath. "Because...even when he's being a jerk he's...only doing it to protect me...he's only doing it because he cares. Even at his worst he...he still just wants me to be happy. Even if he thinks he's not the one who will make me happy," she choked out softly, trying her best to not make herself cry. She meant every word of it and she was shocked to find that those were the reasons that had come out, rather than the simpler things. 

Not his silly smirk, or the sex, or his kisses that made her feel drunk. 

"The way he thinks I'm too good for him when really...it's the other way around."

The girls drove in silence for a long while after that, as if Nikki's admission had stunned more than just herself. It was nearly dark, and street lights were coming on all down the highway and they could see the distant lights of a city coming into view. 

Nikki squinted hard at the next highway sign in the distance to see where they were but instead, her eyes fixed on two little black shapes above the sign. She could see the red string too. Usually, it wove a wavy line through the air in two directions and that was all. One leading to Thorn and the other, presumably, leading to Anya. 

However, the street lamps illuminated the sign enough to see that the string actually did a loop around this particular sign before continuing, and the two black shapes seemed to be...poking...pecking at it? Birds, she realized as they came ever closer to the sign. 

"I don't hate Kaye…" Dulcamara admitted quietly, but the words unknowingly landed on deaf ears. "I jus-"

"Blackbirds…" Nikki breathed and cut Dulcamara off. The Knight looked up to find Nikki staring out the windshield at a sign. She could see them too. Two blackbirds perched atop the sign pecking at the red string floating between them. Dulcamara read the sign out loud as she cocked her head at the strange sight. 

"Welcome to New Orleans."


	9. Chapter Eight

I'm swimming back to shore

Just trying to keep your

Memory from washing over me

And oh, I'm sure I'll find my voice once more

But what are words good for

If I don't get to say I love you anymore

-Tessa Violet, I Don't Get To Say I Love You Anymore

Chapter Eight

"She's here." Nikki breathed softly and felt her fingers tighten on the worn-out steering wheel again. "She has to be here."

Dulcamara was silent for a moment as the sign passed over their heads and started to fade into the distance behind them. The string seemed to hover around a section of the city and after a few more exits, Nikki decided it would be best to get off the highway. However when she did she found that the string was no longer in plain sight far above them, rather it was much closer to the ground and wove between buildings and around street lamps. 

"We should stop for the night and look in the morning. We will need our rest," the Knight suggested. 

"I'm fine. I'm gonna find her tonight," Nikki grumbled out as they rounded another corner. 

The further they followed the string the more loops and tangles it made around older and older buildings. Modern high rises faded behind them as the minutes passed. The traffic slowed until nearly at a standstill as the very last lights of day tucked behind the horizon. They had probably already been off the highway for over an hour now and Nikki was starting to regret her decision to keep looking tonight. 

She'd been telling the truth at the time. The adrenaline that came with being so close had truly made her feel more awake than she'd ever been. But sifting through crowds of people in the dull light of dusk with street light after street light blinking in her eyes had put her into a sleepy trance quite quickly. The darker it got, the harder it was to pick out the tiny red thread among crowds of people dressed in all manner of bright and fun colors and her eyes strained against the darkness. 

She was tired. She hurt, too. Every inch of her body and mind was still completely exhausted and ready to sleep for another full day but she was  _ here _ . She was  _ right here _ . So close she could almost taste Thorn's lips again and she'd be damned if she let a nap get in between her and Anya right now. 

What if Anya knew that they were coming. She'd agonized over that possibility silently for the whole trip. What if she was ready to fight back? What if she had managed to get the string off and just tie it around some poor saps finger and they found out far too late to ever find her again?

No. She had to be here. If she wasn't here then it was over for Thorn and if it was over for him, it was probably over for Nikki too. She didn't think she could face it if she were told he was never going to wake up. Not after letting herself have hope again. Not after coming all this way to save him. She needed Anya to be here and if she wasn't...

"She would be here," Dulcamara sighed as she sat up, alert and keeping watch around the car. 

"Why do you say that?" Nikki asked as she looked up at one of the signs the string was tangled around. 'French Quarter Fortunes,' it read. 

"The French Quarter is a haven for faeries," she began. "Very easy to hide in plain sight."

That was fair enough. There were people everywhere. Packed into bars and restaurants along the strip and very few cars around. Lots of the people wore face paint or strangely familiar costumes or wings and there was music everywhere. 

"Is it always like this?" 

"Yes. This city never sleeps. Life is a constant revel here and because of all of the costumes and makeup, faeries blend right in without even wearing glamour. We need to be careful."

It was only then that Nikki saw Dulcamara's form begin to shift a little here and there. Her ears rounded off and some of the tattoos and tribal carvings in her skin seemed to vanish. She looked remarkably human and Nikki had never guessed that she'd see the knight like this. 

Nikki tried her best but between driving and looking she was hardly able to change much of anything about herself, as usual. Her horns shrank at least, and her ears shortened up a bit. Her skin made an attempt to change to white as well though she had to say if it weren't for the dark of the night it would have convinced no one but then, thankfully, it didn't really have to. 

Nikki sighed long and hard as she rubbed her fingers into her eyes and could tell that Dulcamara was holding back words. "Say it already," Nikki grumbled.

"Why bother repeating myself," she replied in a flat and dull tone. That was enough of an 'I told you so,' Nikki thought bitterly. 

"Fine, we'll stop for the night but what if she sees Thorn's car in the night and runs away?"

"Then we will follow. She can't get far."

"She could glamour her way onto a plane and be halfway around the world by the time we wake up." That seemed to make Dulcamara huff. Almost a laugh.

"Not unless she has a death wish. I've never heard of one of the Folk traveling in one of those awful things. Too loud and too much metal. Not to mention the air pressure. Our ears are more sensitive, you know?" She reasoned and Nikki had to silently admit defeat. 

The next time they spotted a motel Nikki pulled into the lot and set about collecting a change of clothes from the trunk of the car. "Wait...is your magic that weak?" Dulcamara asked as she watched Nikki pick through the articles.

"What do you mean?" she asked worriedly, her hands shooting up to feel her scalp to see if her horns were sticking out. 

"You," Dulcamara hesitated as she watched Nikki scramble to find the fault in her glamour. "You're clothes."

"What about them?" Nikki asked as she settled down. "Did I rip them?"

"...It's nothing," Dulcamara sighed as she turned toward the building. "Come on."

The pair locked Thorn's car and Nikki, still wondering what she'd done wrong, followed Dulcamara into the lobby. They paid the man and Dulcamara glamoured him well enough for him to not ask questions. 

As they began to settle into their room Nikki nearly melted straight into one side of the only bed. They had figured there would be two but right now, it didn't much matter. She was still exhausted from the night before and her rude awakening this morning. She'd barely eaten anything all day either and she just wanted to sulk and to sleep. Of course, that meant that since now was the worst possible time for it, her mind began to rewind. 

"In the car," she started quietly. "You said that you...didn't hate Kaye " 

She could hear Dulcamara shifting around the other side of the bed, pulling the blankets back before she sat down. Nikki turned her head slightly to look and felt her cheeks light up with tension and heat. 

The Knight was stark nude and Nikki caught more than a glimpse of her taut and muscled form before the blankets were pulled up over her chest and she lay down. 

"Where are your clothes?" She asked, more than a little flustered. 

"They were glamour," Dulcamara huffed as she turned over to face away from Nikki in the darkness. 

"Wha...you've been walking around naked all day?!" Nikki tensed as she rolled onto her side, still staring into the back of Dulcamara's head. 

"Most faeries' do."

"That's...why you were surprised to find that I brought a change of clothes…"

"You aren't most faeries'...either of you…"

"Either of...you mean...Kaye?" Nikki realized as she rested her head into her pillow. 

"You are very alike, and not just in the ways you may think."

"Well...how do you mean?" Nikki breathed quietly as she sat up in bed and began to strip off her own clothes. She counted herself lucky that their windows had been open for the entire day or she'd probably be peeling them off of her sweat-soaked skin. Instead, they still hung loose and didn't smell nearly as much as she'd expected. Maybe she'd have to try glamouring her clothes too. 

"You may not be particularly clever as the pixie is...perhaps not even by half," she said and Nikki thought she may have even laughed at her own words.

"Wow rude," Nikki rolled her eyes and she lay back into the mattress. 

"But, you are as brave as she is...and perhaps...a good deal more likable than she…"

"...Why do you say that? What is it about Kaye that sets you off? Is it because Roiben...loves her? Did you...love him?"

The Knight was silent for more than a few heartbeats and Nikki was forced to endure the silence, only able to hear the faint breaths of the woman beside her. 

"He is my King. We all love him. That love comes with a grain of hatred of course but, no that's not what I mean. Kaye cheated."

"She...she doesn't seem the type to do that to somebody," Nikki said in disbelief but Dulcamara shook her head. 

"Not on him. I'd have run her through for that," she said in her shrill and excited way and Nikki thought she'd probably daydreamed the scenario many times before from the way she'd said it. "She made a fool of him. Not just once but again and again they played a game to which my King was unaware he was a participant. When it became clear that she knew his true name, it became obvious that she'd schemed her way into his arms."

"What? What's his name got to do with it?"

Dulcamara turned then, all the way around to face Nikki with an incredulous look on her face. "You really know nothing about what you are, do you?" Nikki was silent at the rhetorical question because she knew of course that Dulcamara was right. She watched the Knight huff before she spoke again. "A fairie can be ordered to do anything by anyone if they know their true name. Kaye learned the King's through a riddle and now she can order him to do whatever she wants whenever she wants. Cheated. Too clever for her own good."

Nikki mulled the words over in her head but couldn't stop thinking about the disappointment written all over Kaye's face in her kitchen two days before. The way she'd seemed down in the dumps about Roiben not wanting her to be Queen of the Court of Termites. She'd told Nikki she was good at Faerie riddles. That it had saved her life more times than she could count. That look was on her face in her office the first time they'd met too. When Thorn had written out Nikki's full name and she'd covered her eyes and scolded Thorn. No wonder she had been so upset with him. 

"If she could really order him to do anything, why would she be his consort for over a decade? Why would she listen to his wishes for her to remain less than he is?"

"Because if she ordered him to then the court would riot. We used to be split. The Night Court and Bright Court. Between her meddling and Roiben's ambition, peace has lasted. But if she were to make a move like that the peace would be shattered. She knows better."

"Have you considered the possibility that she doesn't care about any of that?" Nikki shot back and was rewarded with silence. "That she just wants to be his equal, and hasn't ordered him to because she respects his decisions? That she loves him?" Silence again but this time it only lasted a few breaths.

"If you had the power to make the wolf boy be your pet. To control him and have him any way that you wanted, whenever you wanted or did not want him...would you not?"

This time it was Nikki's turn to lay in stunned silence as she mulled the question over in her head. She had to admit that part of her wanted to say yes. Wholly and completely, yes. If she had the power to use his name and force him to do whatever she wanted then she could make him stop leaving. She could've made him give up his desire to get the amulet back and she'd probably be sharing a bed with him tonight instead of a grumpy red-headed killer faerie. She could have him here and now or whenever she wanted him. She could make him move with her to New York. She could keep her job at the coffee shop and she could be free from Kate's ridicule of her shitty decisions and mess-ups. She could be happy. 

She could make Thorn tell her that he loved her back.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? Making someone tell you that they love you isn't the same as them telling you of their own free will. It doesn't hit your ears the same. Doesn't make your heart flutter or your stomach drop. It doesn't make you nervous or happy or full. It would be like ordering a dog into its crate at the end of the day or tying it up outside when you got sick of it's barking. The power to make someone love you came hand in hand with the power to get rid of them when you got sick of them. When they pissed you off you could just tell them to leave instead of talking it out.

That wasn't how she felt about Thorn, and she hoped she never did. "No, " she finally breathed and was relieved to hear the word pass through her own lips. She couldn't lie after all. If she had said yes she may as well have gotten up and driven home. "No, I wouldn't. I don't want that, and if you would then I think that that says a lot more about you than it does about me – or about Kaye. "

Nikki saw the muscles in Dulcamara's jaw tighten as her lips wove together. She didn't look particularly angry but rather lost in thought. 

"Ah wait," Nikki breathed as she shot up in bed and reached for her bag on the floor. Dulcamara's piercing red eyes followed her the entire way and Nikki could feel them on her. Part of her felt uncomfortable, but the part that loved attention threatened to take over. She tried to focus on just grabbing her target as quickly as possible. Her fingers closed around the little grey plush doll and yanked it up from the bag as she fell back in the bed and pulled the blankets back over herself. 

"What's that?" The Scarlet knight asked her. 

"This is...Thorn's," she admitted sheepishly. 

"I can tell," Dulcamara wrinkled her nose as the scent of the doll reached her and Nikki watched her shuffle backward slightly. 

"I just…I've been carrying it around with me to help me focus on him."

"That doesn't seem to be particularly helpful," Dulcamara rolled her eyes. 

"Sometimes it is...and yes...sometimes it's not but," she paused, "I miss him. It's better than nothing. Keeps my mind on him instead of...everything else," she mumbled softly. 

Dulcamara looked across the pillows to where the doll now sat against Nikki's forehead. "What do you plan to do with 

Anastasia when we find her…"

Nikki nearly bit her tongue in surprise at the use of her full name. "Why?"

"You know next to nothing about her as well."

"Does that imply that you do?"

"How could I not?" Dulcamara scoffed at her ignorance. "She was in Lord Roiben's court before she met that fool you love so much," she breathed and Nikki's breath hitched in her throat. 

"I…I'm going to bring her to New York...and if she refuses to lift the enchantment then I'm going to break it myself…"

"You mean kill her," the words washed through Nikki's mind, the sounds hitting all the wrong spots in her ears. The faces of the troll and sea-folk she'd killed flashed through her mind and she closed her eyes against the trauma that came with the memories. She drew in a deep breath and tried to sound confident but between the pain in her throat and the memories, that was never really an option. 

"Yes."

"You don't sound so sure," Dulcamara mused.

"Is that a problem for you?"

"Not at all," Dulcamara admitted cooly, and Nikki saw her lips curl up a little. "I care not what happens to her at the end of this. I simply don't believe you have it in you."

"I've...already killed twice. What makes you think I can't do it again?"

"The fact that I can feel you shaking through the mattress," she smirked and Nikki became acutely aware that she was indeed shaking underneath the blanket. "You're not a killer."

"I am-"

"No," Dulcamara cut in, "You aren't. You have killed once by accident and once to save Kaye from death. You don't have what it takes to kill an innocent with intent."

Nikki lay in silence, her cold blue eyes locked with the Knight's scalding scarlet orbs. Part of her wanted to admit that Dulcamara was right but the other part, well, she wasn't so sure herself. 

"How do you know all of this about me anyway…" she finally asked. 

"You act as though your friends don't talk. Nothing is secret in the Court of Termites. Nothing."

"Well if that were true then the entire court would know that I'm Nicnevin's daughter now wouldn't they?" Nikki almost smirked. 

Dulcamara opened her mouth to speak but the words didn't come for a moment. Her lips pressed into a thin line and perked up just enough for Nikki to register that she may actually be smiling. Not her wicked killer grin but instead, what could only be akin to a gentle smile. "I suppose that's true," she finally mused. 

Nikki felt the air bubble up in her throat and was a little stunned when what sounded almost like a laugh passed through her lips. It was short, and not very full, but it was there. The first time she'd let anything like that sound out of her mouth in who knew when. Of course, the sound only lasted a few breaths before her throat lit up with pain and she was sent into a coughing fit. She rolled into her stomach and let the rough blasts of air out into her pillow to muffle the sounds. 

She heard Dulcamara shift a little and in a moment she was out of bed. Nikki kept coughing for several seconds, barely able to hear her companion walking through the motel room and to the bathroom. Tears from the pain made their way to her eyes as she gasped for air between each outburst. She thought she heard the water running in the bathroom for a moment before the knight returned. "Sit up," she asked and Nikki rolled over. 

She found Dulcamara standing there beside her with a mug full of water. Nikki sat up and took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing and stop coughing. "Thanks," she breathed and did her very best to keep her eyes to herself.

It wasn't easy. 

Nikki had pegged Dulcamara as a lot of things. A killer, grudge holder, terrifying, strong...but not utterly beautiful. That particular thing had not been expected. 

She'd seen her in Kaye's kitchen and living room in not much more than her underthings, but she was a little too terrified to actually study her at the time. Plus, she'd had Thorn to keep her eyes busy that night. 

She really was gorgeous. With her long red hair down and her pale skin, tight muscles, and what looked to be carved tattoos...she was hard to not look at. 

Nikki grabbed for the mug and chugged around half of the glass before she finally stopped to catch her breath. By that time Dulcamara was already back around the bed and under the covers and Nikki was thankful she wasn't just standing there anymore. 

"We should get some rest. The earlier we get up the sooner we can find her," Dulcamara said softly and rolled onto her side, looking away from Nikki and to the opposite wall. 

"Okay…" Nikki said softly and set the mug on their bedside table. "Thanks, for…talking to me," she struggled to say. Her throat was on fire but the cold water had helped her at least stop coughing.

"You needed it," the Scarlet haired woman sighed and Nikki paused to think for a moment. 

She had needed it, that was true enough. Nikki would be lying to herself if she thought the Knight had actually let her in. Maybe she had just realized that Nikki needed somebody to talk to and sucked it up. But why would she let her know things so personal? Why seem to take a genuine interest in the conversation if she was just treating this like a job?

"I think you did too…" Nikki breathed softly and felt a small tug at the edges of her lips. 

If Dulcamara heard her though, she didn't say so. 


	10. Chapter Nine

I'm never tired in my bed, I'm so bored

Of these thoughts inside my head, I'm so bored

Bored of bein' all alone

Just hopin' I'd find purpose in these pictures on my phone

You look too hard then you see it's a joke

And yeah you think you're trapped,

but it's nothin' but smoke, Woah-oh-oh

You want it better but you,

You only choke

Is this all there is?

Is this all there is?

-Tessa Violet, Bored

  
  


Chapter Nine

  
  


"Ughhhhhhhh," the breath crackled up her sore throat as she sulked deeper into the driver's seat, deep grey skin nearly matching the old and worn seat covering. They'd been at this for hours. Dulcamara had insisted that they get up early so they could find Anya quickly and head toward home. They didn't want to be lingering here for too long as there was no telling if the Court of Teeth really were following Nikki. 

She'd been trying not to think about that. Trying to focus all of her attention on getting along with the knight she'd been stuck with, finding Anya and waking up Thorn but then...she wasn't the best at focusing. Her mind would wander in only a few moments, nevermind a few hours. The sun was nearly right overhead now and they'd begun at first light. 

Dulcamara hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said the French quarter never slept. There were people all over the sidewalks and walking in the roads, cars pulled up in traffic around every corner and they'd only managed a few miles all morning. 

The little red string wasn't exactly being helpful anymore either. At the very least it had become clear that Anya had been living here for quite some time. It looped around most of the street signs and buildings, caught up in telephone lines and lamp posts everywhere they went. 

"This is a mess," Nikki had said solemnly and Dulcamara's relative silence had only affirmed to her that this was going to take a while. That had been hours ago. At least they'd managed to find a coffee shop to help Nikki wake up and focus a little but that cup was long empty. Dulcamara had refused to join her in enjoying a cup, something about it being human garbage but Nikki hadn't been listening for anything more than a yes or a no. She'd barely been awake after all. 

This place was nothing like...well, what she hesitated to call home. It was dense like New York but the air of the place was completely different. All the buildings were old, made of wood and nails and...beautiful, she thought. Each one was a different color and all the trim was hand-carved and plants hung from every window along every street. New York was all iron and crowds and busses and trains...and cold. There was a heat to this city, warmed from the summer sun for sure but it was more than that. The crowds of people weren't made of humans in business suits just waiting silently to cross the street when the lights changed. 

They mingled, they knew each other and laughed together. She had to figure that there were probably more fae here than New York as well. It was becoming pretty easy to pick them out the more she looked. They had tells but not to the point that any oblivious human could call them out for being anything other than human. Pointed ears could be chalked up to body mods and split pupils could be explained as childhood injuries or fun contact lenses.

Besides, she had no room to talk. Nikki's glamour wasn't so hot either. Dulcamara looked perfect as always of course. Just a really tall and pretty human girl with dyed red hair and red contacts. Nikki was jealous, it wasn't hard to admit or to spot. Jealous that every faerie she knew had such control of their magic and such focus that they could blend in easily if they wanted to. But that was where all of this had started and the thought made her skin crawl. It was thinking like that that had led to Thorn believing that Nikki couldn't be happy as a faerie. That she needed the necklace back. 

She could have told him that he made her happy...it didn't have to be an 'I love you.' All she had to say to him was that he made her happy and that might have been enough to keep him from leaving.

Nikki shook her head and squinted back at the road. 'Focus,' she thought to herself as she sucked in a long breath. Even in the car, she could barely smell the iron and exhaust. The city wasn't filled with it like it was back home. She'd become more used to the rank and metal smell of the city over the past eight months and compared to that, this was nothing. She may as well be driving through a field of flowers compared to weaving through high rises. Suffice to say that she could see why faeries' liked it here. 

"This is going to take forever," she grumbled and felt the Knight's gaze shift to her. Nikki glanced over to Dulcamara and found her eyes locked ahead of Nikki though. She looked forward to the steering wheel and found her own fingers pale and white. She tried to loosen up at the sight. She hadn't even realized she'd been gripped onto the wheel so tightly. 

"Try to relax. Being worked up isn't going to help us find her," Dulcamara sighed as she looked back out her window. 

"If we find her at all…"

"She's here," Dulcamara affirmed. "Somewhere."

Nikki eased the car around one more corner, merging into a new lane of traffic along a row of shops. They were going in circles, she could feel it. The string doubled back a few times here and there and they were hoping they would see it go into one of the doors along the strip and not come back out again. That would at least be a place to check, a chance to get out of the car to stretch their legs. 

Nikki's cold blue eyes followed the string as far down the sidewalk as she could see before her heart dropped into her stomach and she froze. Her breath caught in her throat and her fingers tightened back up as Dulcamara grabbed for her arm. She shook her head and pushed her foot into the brake pedal just in time before their bumper would have tapped the car in front of them. She returned her gaze to where the string had very suddenly stopped. It popped out bright and vivid red against the pale finger it was wrapped around. 

She was walking down the sidewalk ahead of them a few cars worth away. Well...more like sneaking really, in broad daylight. She stood out like a sore thumb, long pink hair bobbing behind her as she glanced to her right and left almost constantly. Traffic budged forward and Nikki sat up straight in her seat, her spine going completely Rigid as she followed the car in front of her. "What's the plan?"

"You keep driving. If she spots us I'll get out and run her down," Dulcamara said as she too sat up straighter and slipped her finger into her door handle. 

"Won't that draw attention to us? Or if you tear your stitches?"

"Do you have another idea?" She whispered harshly Nikki just huffed. 

It didn't much matter if she did because when Nikki glanced back to the girl she found her staring back at them. She'd stopped walking. Nikki slammed down on the brake pedal again and the car jerked to a stop. Breathes went by as they studied each other. Nikki could easily tell that Anya was studying the car more than she was studying the two of them inside it. Nikki heard the passenger door click and boots hit the pavement as Dulcamara jumped out and shut the door behind her. 

"Park the car somewhere and find us!" She yelled back to Nikki and when she looked back, the pink-haired girl was running down the sidewalk away from them. 

Nikki grit her teeth and watched as the Knight chased after their prey. She shouldn't be stuck sitting here right now. She should be helping. This was her mission, her problem to fix, not Dulcamara's. Why was she so willing to help anyway? It didn't matter. Not right now, she needed to focus. Parking spot. 

She looked around the car as best she could and spotted a small parking lot between two buildings just down the strip. The cars began to move again and Nikki shot the car forward and onto the shoulder. The car propped up on the sidewalk for a few yards before she'd slipped around the car in front of her and into the lot. She was out of the car almost before she'd pulled the keys out. She slammed Thorn's door behind her and tore back down the street toward where she'd last seen them. Dulcamara had chased her between two buildings and down an alley out of sight. The string floated down the alleyway, bright red against the dim and grey path.

She turned down the alley and stopped short. She couldn't hear much of anything coming from down the alley. Just echoes of shouts from far down what was more than likely a maze of back streets. She started forward with a deep breath and reached into the pocket of her jeans. Her fingers closed around the glass knife in her pocket and her other hand clutched around the string.

She crept down the alley until she reached a crossroads in the shadowy maze and stopped. "Mara," she whispered desperately. No answer. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the sounds echoing around her. 

She could hear breaths and struggle somewhere in the maze but it was hard to pick out which way they were coming from. "Dulcamara!" She shouted and her own voice echoed off the walls all around here. 

The breathing was coming closer. Panting really. Two separate streams of breath in the dark. "Revin!" The voice came from down the path to her right. "Grab her!" The voice came again and Nikki turned to face the path. She could hear their footsteps now, both running toward her. 

Nikki let go of the knife in her pocket and readied herself but when a shape finally came into view it was already off the ground. Not by much but it was getting higher by the breath. Nikki ran forward and jumped as high as she could in the darkness of the alley and stretched her arms up. 

Her fingers closed over skin in the darkness and she yanked downward with all of her weight. She counted herself lucky for being so tall for the first time in her life and she felt muscles tense under the pressure of her fingers as they fell back toward the concrete. Nikki hit the ground first and was dragged a few feet, the skin of her thighs and knees being torn up and forcing her fingers to clasp tighter, her nails digging into her prey's flesh. 

The figure hit the ground too and growled in pain as they came to a stop. It hurt but Nikki couldn't stop now. She pulled the girl toward her by her ankles and straddled on top of her, grabbing for her flailing arms. The girl was struggling below her now and trying to claw at Nikki while she tried to grab for her arms. Nikki could hear the distant noise of boots hitting the concrete but she couldn't tell how close they were. 

Then everything seemed to slow down. Nikki's eyes began to flutter and her head began to spin, her grip loosening. She couldn't be THAT tired, could she? She felt something prickle up her arms and down her spine before she realized that it was magic. "Mara…" she tried to yell for help but the plea only just made it out of her lips as a whisper before she felt nails on her skin. They dug into her forearms and the figure below her pushed her off and sent Nikki sprawling onto her back, the back of her head hitting the concrete with a dull thud. 

Then there was nothing. Nothing but blackness and pain. 

/

"Mmmmph," she groaned and tried to roll over. She felt her body begin to drop before her eyes shot open and her hand slammed into something soft, steadying herself so she didn't fall. It was dark. The hot air from the sun had slipped away and the cool night air had left her skin covered in goosebumps. "Where-" she began as her head started to spin. She'd moved too fast and the edges of her vision swam and began to turn black. She pushed herself back onto the not so soft thing she was laying on and looked up into the all too familiar fabric of the roof of Thorn's car. 

"Don't move around too much," she heard from the front seat in a familiar shrill hush. 

"...Mara?" She groaned. "What happened?"

"This one put you to sleep. Quick and nasty spell," she almost sounded like she was laughing through her words. 

Everything started to flood back into Nikki's mind then. The alleys, jumping, and grabbing for the figure that was hovering, nails in her flesh…

Anya. 

"Wait, this one?" She said as she turned her head back toward the front of the car. She spotted Dulcamara easily enough in the driver's seat. She was looking back at her through the review mirror with those bright red eyes and Nikki though she was smiling. 

It was only then when their eyes met that Nikki saw Dulcamara's hand reach up and tip the mirror down toward the passenger seat. Nikki's cold blue orbs met a pair of wild and scared pastel pink pupils, split down the center, and nearly quivering with fear. Pink hair framed her blue skin and Nikki shot up in her seat, her horns slamming into the low ceiling of the car. "Oowwwhhrrrgg," she groaned before she threw a punch into the roof and ripped her horns down from the fabric. Her vision was spinning and the back of her head throbbed like mad. "You got her?" She asked as she rubbed her hands into her face. 

"Only after you grounded her," Dulcamara admitted as she rolled her eyes. "She'd slipped past me and was flying away when you brought her down. Sure she put you out but you held her there long enough for me to catch up."

There was something in her voice...something in the way she'd said it that made Nikki pause. She couldn't see her face from this angle but Dulcamara's cheek looked...tight? Like she was biting down on the inside of it. Nikki hadn't really looked at her very deeply and now that she was she could tell that she was actually quite a mess. Not so much her clothing, the glamour there had held up nicely but her hair was spilling out of her carefully crafted braid crown and her muscles all seemed tight and uncomfortable. The smallest hint of...pain? In her voice on top of everything else gave Nikki enough reason to be concerned. 

"Are you okay?" Nikki breathed cautiously. She didn't want to upset Dulcamara by calling her out but maybe after their talk last night she'd go a little easier on her. 

"I'm fine," she said quickly through gritted teeth but Nikki could hear her breath hitch and watched her arm twitch to her side. Nikki poked her head into the front between the seats and it didn't take more than a moment to see the blood slowly oozing from below where her hand was pressed into the flesh of her waist. 

"You're bleeding through your bandages" Nikki gasped before she began to fish around in the backseat. She pulled her shirt from the day before from her satchel bag and folded it up before she reached up through the seats again and handed it to Dulcamara. "Where are we? We need to stop and I can patch you up."

"Mmmmmmpphh!" They both looked to their right and found Anya struggling in the passenger seat trying to scream for help. She was writhing around in the seat, her hands and ankles tied together with strips of what looked like they used to be leggings and shirts that Nikki had packed. Her mouth too had a shirt tied through it and around the back of her head. She shot Dulcamara a glance and the knight just huffed.

"You didn't pack anything to capture her with so I used what we had, okay?" She growled sternly before Nikki saw her wince and her shoulders dropped. 

"Fine fine, just...stop yelling you need to relax...can you help me get her in the back seat? Where are we?" Nikki asked as she looked out through the windshield and saw nothing but trees all around them and one quiet country road snaking through them. 

"I got you both in the car and drove us a ways out of town. No one's come by all afternoon," she groaned as she pushed the driver's door open and yanked herself to her feet. Nikki followed her out of the car and met her at Anya's door. They opened it up and she almost spilled out onto the ground, Nikki had to spring forward to catch her. They each grabbed an end and fed Anya into the backseat bench and shut the door before Nikki helped Dulcamara lie back in the passenger chair, reclining it for her. "I'll live for now so just get us somewhere to stay the night."

"But you're still bleedi-" 

"I said I'm fine!" She growled and Nikki stepped back. Part of her was afraid but deep down she knew the knight wouldn't actually hurt her. She straightened up and shut her door before going around and sitting back down in the driver's seat. 

"Fine, but you're letting me stitch you back up when we get…wherever we're going," Nikki said under her breath. Dulcamara either didn't have any response or had elected to ignore her though and Nikki watched her slump further into Thorn's seat. 

Nikki grabbed for her phone, laying in the cubby under the radio, and quickly searched for the nearest motel she could find. She could feel the car rocking back and forth while she tried to focus on the screen but before long she had to turn around. 

"Cut it out!" She yelled hoarsely into the back seat. "You're lucky we took you alive now sit still and shut up!" 

Anya's eyes went wide as she stopped flailing and looked into Nikki's face. Her pink eyes were mesmerizing, especially when they were wet like this, full of tears of frustration. They were brilliant really. Nikki shook her head and grit her teeth before spinning back around to look back at her phone. "I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have to," she muttered to herself. It only took another moment to find a place to stay the night and start the navigation but Nikki could already see that Dulcamara was starting to fall asleep in the seat beside her. "Hey," Nikki gasped and watched in slight horror as her hand betrayed her.

It had slipped down to the gear shift and ripped the car into drive as she took off. She'd meant to return it to the wheel but instead, it had fallen farther away from her to grab for Dulcamara's hand. As their skin touched Nikki was the one to jump in surprise even though she had caused it. Her fingers tightened around the Knight's limp and pale hand. "Stay awake...okay?" Nikki asked her quietly and for a moment she could feel Dulcamara's eyes on her. 

She dared not look of course, if she did she didn't know what she would do or say next. She needed to keep her eyes forward and on the road. Dulcamara said nothing but for one brief moment, she could have sworn she felt a soft squeeze on her hand in return. She didn't shove her away and she didn't say anything. She didn't even grumble. She probably didn't have the strength to but still...Nikki couldn't help the small tug of the muscles in her face. 

It wasn't too long before the trio was driving back into a town and it was only then that Dulcamara finally spoke up. "Stop for food first," she groaned and Nikki could practically feel the struggle in her voice. She sounded terribly weak. Nikki wanted to argue but even with an advantage like this, she knew she'd never convince Dulcamara to let her patch her up first. They hadn't eaten since breakfast after all and it was already dark now. Nikki still didn't know how long she'd been passed out but it seemed like it must have been hours. She still felt a little sick from whatever magic Anya had flooded her with but all things considered, she probably felt a lot better than the Knight did right now. 

"Fine, what do we do about her though?" She asked and nodded her head toward the rearview mirror. 

"Glamour the teller, they won't notice her."

"You know I'm not very…" Nikki started quietly before she let her voice trail off. It didn't matter if she wasn't very good at glamouring people on purpose. She needed to try. She knew that once they had crashed in a motel room, neither of them were going to want to go back out to get food. They needed it now. It didn't matter if it was cold by the time they got to finally eat, getting the meal now was the right way to go about this. So she was going to have to suck it up and try. "What should I get?" 

May as well try to be courteous right? Nikki had no real idea of how familiar with Human food Dulcamara was. She had to have had it once in a while at least...right? She could drive a car apparently. That was certainly something Nikki wanted to ask about but again, it wasn't the right time. 

"It doesn't matter...anything," she said as she squirmed in her seat and Nikki caught a flash of her bloody waistline out of the corner of her eye. 

'Don't look...just focus on something else,' she thought to herself as she forced her eyes back to the road. 

The pair in the front of the car had plugged Thorn's phone back into the radio several minutes ago by this point to try and drown out Anya's whimpers and muffled pleas for help. Nikki turned the knob up slightly to try and focus on the music only for it to distract her further. As the words hit her ears a connection was made in her mind and her eyes shot over to Dulcamara again. She wrenched them away after a moment of staring at the yellow butterfly plastered across the black crop top she'd been glamouring for herself. 

"This song is new," Dulcamara admitted, having seen Nikki's blue orbs flick over her shirt. 

"You...you actually know Paramore?" Nikki almost chuckled.

"I am not so unfamiliar with your world as you may wish to think…" she sighed and Nikki thought she could hear a faint glint of a grin in her words. 

"Well...that's...surprising. But this song isn't really that new. It came out almost two years ago I think. How long has it been since you've listened to them?"

Dulcamara fell silent for several moments and Nikki dared to peek back over to her. They're red and blue eyes met for a moment before Dulcamara directed her attention back out her window. Nikki watched her features soften to a point that Nikki had ever seen from the knight. Her eyelids drew down until she was only looking through thin slits up at the rising moon. "A while…"

It was only then that Nikki noticed the lack of noise coming from the back seat. She looked up into the rearview mirror again to find Anya finally sitting calmly and her pink orbs fixed on Dulcamara. There was something there. Some flicker of some emotion that it took Nikki more than a few glances between the mirror and the road to decipher. 

Pity? Maybe. Either that or sorrow.

Nikki pulled into the first drive-through she could find and found a line there. As she pulled up behind the car in front of her she glanced back at Anya. She heaved a long sigh before she turned around. "If you scream I swear I'll cut your throat until you can't anymore," she said coldly. The words spilled out of her lips before she'd even thought about them. That was harsh and...probably not true at all. An empty threat if ever there was one. 

Still, though, Anya silently nodded her head and Nikki got lost for a moment, watching her long pink hair spill over her curled up form. Even disheveled and tied up as she was, Nikki couldn't deny how utterly perfect she was. It almost hurt to look at her, she was so beautiful. This is what Faeries looked like in those romantic happy ending type kids' stories. The ones where the princess finds the perfect prince and they fall in love and he fixes all of her problems. The way the pink of her eyes clashed with the blue of her skin was otherworldly. There wasn't a single thing familiar about her. Sure her red wings almost matched Kaye's but these were darker. 

"Just tell me what you want and the gag goes back on and I won't have to hurt you," Nikki grunted as she reached into the backseat and slipped one finger between Anya's cheek and leg of her, thankfully clean, leggings, and pulled. 

She couldn't help but notice how soft her skin was when her finger brushed up against it, but all the world melted away and the brief touch was yanked from the forefront of her mind when Anya spoke. Her accent was thick and unruly, wild, and foreign. As truly Russian, if Nikki had to guess, as her name.

"V'ere ees he," she hissed quietly the moment the gag was off her lips. She was breathing hard, her chest heaving and Nikki could scarcely understand her. This wasn't uncommon from a person under duress, she knew that much. When people were angry or scared, the most practiced and disciplined of masked accents would break out of their cage. Anya saw the surprise on Nikki's face and took a deep breath in through her nose before speaking again and this time, she sounded positively American in her pronunciation which only served to scar Nikki's heart further when the name hit her ears. 

"Where is Thorn."


	11. Chapter Ten

The strangest part I'd have to say

Is I don't want him anyway

Maybe I just want what I can't have

Maybe it's the tragedy

Or maybe it's the girl in me

Who just wants to be wanted by a man

Or maybe I just think of him when I am on my own

'Cause maybe make-believe is not as lonely as alone

Silence brings the truth, but it breaks the fantasy

The only one I'm talking to is me

  
  


-Tessa Violet, Broken Record

  
  


Chapter Ten

"Okay, come on," Nikki's voice strained slightly as she helped Dulcamara to the bed. They'd finally made it to the motel Nikki had found on her phone and this time, they'd made damn sure that there were two separate beds in the room. After all, there were three of them now, and sleeping next to one breathtakingly beautiful woman was already hard enough...nevermind sleeping next to a second one that was tied up and couldn't fight back. 

Nikki shook her head violently. She felt her brain shake in her skull she'd shaken herself so hard this time. She couldn't let those thoughts in. Absolutely not. The pair had struggled to carry Anya to the second bed and now that Dulcamara could finally lay down Nikki could see just how badly the wound had opened back up. It almost made her sick to look at it but, just like everything else over the past year, she was getting used to seeing this. 

Torn flesh was normal now. Blood was normal now. Just another thing on the laundry list of things that used to be incredibly rare in her life. 

She'd had to glamour the cashier this time too. She'd strolled right into the office with no attempt to hide what she really looked like. Turned out it was much easier to fool other people than it was to actually change what she looked like. Maybe that's what she'd been doing wrong all along? Trying to convince herself rather than convince the people around her. She'd have to file that thought away for later though. Right now she needed to stitch up the Knight's stab wound. Again.

Nikki dumped her bag out on the bed before she stood up straight and turned around to find Anya silently watching her from the other mattress. Nikki stepped over to her and yanked the gag out of her mouth. Part of her didn't want to but she knew she needed to let the pixie eat or she'd never stop staring at her with those giant pink puppy dog eyes. Nikki shoved one of the brown bags of food in front of her before she stuck her finger into the blue girl's face. 

"Don't talk, just eat," Nikki warned before she turned toward the bathroom. She didn't want to hear anything else from the blue girl today. Maybe not ever. Definitely not the concern in her voice. Especially his name again…

Nikki moved to the bathroom and wet a towel until it was nice and damp. She returned to Dulcamara and began carefully wiping away all the wet, dry and crusted blood around the wound. As she did she slowly became aware that Dulcamara was letting her glamour drop and her clothes were disappearing. "Not a good idea right now," Nikki sighed through grinding teeth. 

"You'll be fine…" Dulcamara said weakly. "Just concentrate."

Nikki did her best to keep her eyes away from where they didn't belong. She counted herself lucky that Dulcamara intimidated her so much. Unlike Thorn who, in a lot of ways, had encouraged her to look at him, Dulcamara's cold persona helped a lot in keeping her focus. Sure she wasn't friendly but she didn't need a friend right now. She needed a babysitter and Dulcamara had ended up being the perfect fit. She was lucky she'd come along...lucky she told Val no. 

She hadn't wanted to. She'd wanted Val to come so badly that it took all her strength to say no to her, especially after almost killing herself right in front of the red-headed woman. She'd wanted Kaye to come too. That at least would have been better probably. Kaye had figured out how to keep her emotions in check and that could have helped immensely but...Kaye was basically royalty. She couldn't just go off who knows where for who knows how long. 

Dulcamara was the last person Nikki would have ever wanted to be out here with, and that made her perfect for it. 

Once all the blood was cleared Nikki set to work threading the needle from her bag. Once the black thread was through she offered Dulcamara a clean corner of the towel to bite down on. She rejected it at first before Nikki spoke up. "This is only my third time doing this...It's going to hurt," she tried her best to guarantee the knight before Dulcamara finally bit down on the towel. 

This was probably going to be a lot worse for the knight than it had been last time, or for Thorn. Thorn wasn't a faerie so it didn't matter that her needle was metal. But for Dulcamara...Nikki had no idea what kind of metal pins were made of. It could be one of the less potent ones or one of the worst ones for faeries to touch for all she knew. But Dulcamara didn't stop her. Surely she knew that the needle was metal so either it wouldn't matter, or she wouldn't care. Last time the wound had been fresh and charred already so it probably hadn't been so bad for the Knight. 

Nikki could still see where just the faintest hint of her pale flesh was still blackened from the metal blade that had cut her and she felt a small wave of sickness come over her. At least none of her own wounds looked like that...yet. She had some mild burns on her fingers from repeatedly touching faucets or door Handel's, scuffs and scrapes from being dragged or skidding across tar and concrete. Nothing like this though. 

Dulcamara was full of scars. A warrior's trophies she was sure. They were everywhere. There was no limb, no section of her skin that wasn't marked up, whether it be with her carved tattoos or where opponents had caught her off guard. 

She should feel sick looking at the tattoos but really...she didn't. She'd caught glimpses of them on other faeries but not like this. Not so up close where she could feel the difference with her fingers. They really were dug into her body. Part of her had wondered why anyone would want tattoos like this but the more she thought about it the more she realized, yet again, that she had no idea what faerie culture was like. 

Sure they couldn't use metal needles to get ink into their skin and even then...what if they weren't so good with ink either? Nikki hadn't seen a faerie with an ink tattoo yet so she really didn't know. Maybe carving designs into their skin really was the easiest way to have a tattoo. They did heal awfully fast, the scrapes on her shoulders were already going away after all. 

Nikki plunged the needle into Dulcamara's flesh and watched her muscles tighten everywhere but her stomach. This wasn't her first time being patched up after all. She didn't even growl into the fabric in her mouth and she knew how to keep the muscles slack that needed to be slack. The only sound in the room came when Nikki finally heard the paper bag being uncrumpled behind her and food wrappers being undone as Anya finally decided to eat. 

It didn't take too long to stitch the rest of the wound shut thankfully. The knife had been quite small all things considered. It would be one of the smaller scars Nikki could pick out on the Knight's body for sure. Nikki taped some of the cleaner bits of gauze that Dulcamara had wrapped around her the previous night over the wound and grabbed up the towel. 

As she started to walk away to the bathroom though she felt fingers close around hers and she turned back around to find Dulcamara pulling herself up so she could sit rather than lie down. Nikki pulled too to help and after a moment and a little groaning the Knight was sitting upright and her clothing steadily returned. "You...did well," she said and Nikki had to blink several times in the relative darkness. The bright red eyes wouldn't meet hers now and she could almost swear that there was a little color on Dulcamara's typically pale face. 

"You're welcome," Nikki couldn't help the little smile that pulled at her lips. She let her hand go though, and headed to the bathroom. She filled the bathtub with a few inches of water and dropped the towel in. She hoped letting it soak would get most of the blood out but she was probably being a little too optimistic. She watched the towel stain the water red for a few moments before she huffed and returned to the other room and found Dulcamara digging through the other paper bag of food. 

Nikki paced to the door to make sure they'd locked it before she took a seat on the bed beside the knight. She wasn't terribly hungry after all that but she knew she should at least try to eat. She felt Anya's eyes all over her and if she was being honest, it was starting to eat away at her. Dulcamara handed her a half-full bag of what she suspected Nikki had ordered and Nikki began to pull it all out. She picked at a small carton of French fries for several minutes in silence before Anya finally could no longer hold her tongue. 

"Who are you," she asked. This time her voice was far more calm and timid than it had been in the drive-through. Nikki had had to stuff the gag back into her mouth and glamour the window workers to not notice anything unusual in the car. She'd just guessed at what Anya would eat and apparently she'd done an okay enough job because she'd finished the fast food in a pretty small amount of time. 

Nikki didn't know how to answer this question. She knew how to answer the one she'd asked before. That one was easy. She just didn't want to. This one though was a little more complicated. "Nicole," she said flatly and popped another fry into her mouth. 

"V'ere is Thorn," Anya insisted, her accent growing heavier. Nikki was silent for a moment too long and the words spilled from Anya's mouth. "V'hy do you have 'is car," she attention turned to Dulcamara. The blue girl took a long breath to try and settle her nerves before speaking again. "Why are you helping this girl?"

'That's right,' Nikki thought to herself. These two knew each other. Thankfully Dulcamara didn't seem in any mood to talk to Anya at all but then...that only made Nikki more curious as to how well the pair of faeries really did know each other. 

"Do you want the gag back on? Just shut up," Nikki breathed quietly between bites. She really wasn't in the mood to play twenty questions right now. Especially not with Anya of all people. Not with the perfect girl who'd torn Thorn's heart out. 

"I won't stop asking," she insisted. "You'll have to put it back in or answer my questions. 

"Hughhhh," Nikki rolled her eyes and pushed off from the bed. "Fine," she shrugged and reached for Anya's mouth. 

"You killed him didn't you!" Her voice rang out and Nikki froze. Her blue eyes connected with her prisoner's quivering pink orbs and she watched as tears bubbled up and out of them. "That's why I can't feel him anymore!" She shouted and held up her ring finger. "He's dead and you've come to put me out of my misery," she blubbered. 

Nikki balled her fist and her nails began to bite bright white half-moons into her grey palms. 

"He isn't dead," Dulcamara cut in as she saw Nikki's hands begin to shake. "And neither are you if you cooper-"

"How could you do it!" Nikki growled out, cutting Dulcamara off. Anya's pink eyes flicked back over to meet her cold blue hues and her jaw went slack. "How could you just leave him like that!"

The room fell silent apart from Nikki's deep and angry breaths. It hurt to let herself get this worked up, her throat was on fire already from the small amount of yelling she'd done and the pain dampened her eyes.

Nikki had been wondering, hypothetically at first, what exactly she would say to Anya if they ever met. She hadn't ever expected to until these last few days but now that she was in front of her...now that she was really here...how was she supposed to hold it all in? There was plenty she wanted to know. Questions she wanted to ask. What were Thorn's hobbies? What was his favorite color? What did he do for fun?

What was he like before you ripped his heart out?

All things considered, Nikki wasn't shocked at the question that had risen above the rest and shot from her lips without warning. The room was silent for what seemed like forever to Nikki. An uncomfortable silence that slipped over not just Anya, but all three of them. Even Dulcamara seemed quiet and had stopped eating. Nikki was forced to chalk it up to the knight actually wanting to know the answer as well but really, she had no reason to be invested in whatever answer Anya gave...right? This was between Anya and Nikki and she needed to know. 

Their eyes stayed locked together in a sort of staring contest that neither of them were willing to lose. After another moment though Anya's lips parted and her jaw dropped open a little as she gaped up at her captor. "You…" she whispered in awe. "I know you," her breath caught in her throat. 

Nikki just gave her a puzzled look for a moment before she watched Anya's form begin to shift. Blue skin changed to pale white and her wings vanished from Nikki's sight in almost an instant. Nikki's eyes grew wide as the girl sitting before he suddenly became familiar. She'd only seen one girl with pink eyes and hair in her life. Part of her felt stupid for not realizing it as soon as she found the picture in Thorn's bedroom. The girl she'd held the door for. The girl she'd peeked at from above isles of candy and chips when she'd first moved to Connecticut. The gas station was right down the road from their apartment, you could see it from the third story window for crying out loud. 

"You...you're the girl I ran into…you?!" Nikki shouted incredulously. 

Anya just nodded her head before her form shifted back to normal and the color returned to her skin. "What are you to Thorn?" She asked and Nikki could tell from her body language that she really didn't want the answer. 

"I…" her voice cracked in surprise. 

Well, lucky for Anya...that question didn't really have an answer to give. Not one that Nikki had anyway. She didn't know what she was to Thorn. Nikki's muscles relaxed and her arms went around her abdomen as her vision sunk to the floor. "Nothing."

"You love him...don't you?" Her body language was enough for Anya to guess though, it was plain to see that Nikki had feelings for Thorn. Nikki needed to regain control of the conversation quickly though or else she would be the one who felt trapped, rather than her prisoner. 

"He's my roommate," Nikki cut in, but when she looked back up to Anya, she found the pixie staring at Dulcamara instead. 

"I thought that…I thought you," Anya began before her voice trailed off. Nikki turned her head with an eyebrow raised to Dulcamara who she found sending a death glare at Anya. Nikki looked back and forth between the two of them several times before her vision settled on the knight. 

Nikki's mind began to race. Rapid thoughts that had either no meaning or meant more than life itself, she wasn't sure which. How much could she read into what she'd just heard? This wasn't some love drunk school girl. Some silly human that had a crush on a new boy every week. This was Dulcamara she was looking at. The most serious and frightening Faerie she'd met this far. Surely she couldn't actually...

"She thought what?" Nikki said, trying her best not to growl out the last word. She was breathless, fury and wonder stealing the air from her lungs. 

"She didn't think, clearly," Dulcamara shot up at Nikki to try and ease the conversation. Nikki could tell that whatever it was the knight didn't want to talk about it but somehow...that made whatever it was so much worse. 

She couldn't dig into this right now. This wasn't the time or the place to be rooting around in Dulcamara's emotions. They all needed to rest and getting into a screaming match wasn't going to help any of them. Especially not Nikki. The last thing she needed to hear right now was that Dulcamara was hiding shit from her. 

Nikki turned back to Anya and sucked in a deep breath. Focus. Stop getting distracted. Stop letting other people's words pull you away. "You...live together?" Anya finally spoke again and drew Nikki's attention. 

"...Yes," she answered flatly. She wasn't sure what kind of conclusion Anya would draw from that answer but they probably weren't correct. 

"Is he...okay?"

Nikki laughed. The sudden kind that sounded utterly fake because well...her question was just so stupid. It had taken Nikki so off guard that the noise had bubbled out of her throat uncontrollably. Anya seemed a little taken aback for a moment before Nikki finally spoke. 

"No, he's not fucking okay. He's a total asshole and can't trust anyone because of what you did," the words cut the air like a knife. Hot and fast and un-wanted. Like she'd been holding them in without realizing it. Like they'd been waiting to come out of her for months because well...they had in a sense. 

Nikki watched Anya's wings and shoulders slump behind her as her vision dropped to the floor. Why would she react like that? Why seem so upset over something that she'd done herself? Her pink eyes were still wet and Nikki swore if she started to cry because she was the one who left Thorn alone…she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself from hitting the blue girl. 

"Why do you give a shit if he's okay?" She spat down at her. 

Anya shied back from her words and her long pointed ears drooped as well. She really did feel bad...didn't she? Nikki hadn't expected Anya to be like this. She didn't expect the pixie girl to be a complete wreck. Nervous and looking over her shoulder when they'd found her and now so clearly full of regret. She'd expected to find another badass faerie who could hide their feelings or just straight up didn't have any. Someone with no regrets and no fears. 

After all, that's what she'd pictured Thorn wanted in a woman. 

Shed expected Anya to fight back and to justify her actions, tell her that she had been done with Thorn, and tossed him aside like he was nothing. That's what she'd _wanted_ to hear. Something to justify the hatred that boiled in her heart for this girl named Anastasia who had torn out the heart of the boy that she loved. 

But now...seeing what she really was for herself...it only served to make Nikki more confused and angry than she had ever been. "You're the one that broke his heart," Nikki grumbled and turned away toward the bathroom. She could hear Anya shifting on the bed, even hear the breath she sucked in before speaking again, her voice filled with desperation and pain. 

"I never wanted to!" She gasped quickly before Nikki slammed the bathroom door shut behind her. 

She leaned backward into the white wooden door and drew in a deep breath. She pressed her hands into the wood behind her and soon her nails followed suit. She was going to rip Anya apart if she stayed in there any longer listening to her talk. How could she say that? How could she say that she didn't want to break Thorn's heart? 

Why had Nikki answered any of her questions at all? She was the one who was supposed to be in control of this. She wasn't supposed to need a babysitter. Nevermind one that had a crush on the boy she lo-. She shook the thoughts from her head. 

'Not right now. Maybe not ever.' she thought to herself. Don't think about it. She didn't mean anything by it. Anya was just spewing anything she could to get out of their grasp and to turn them against each other. Dulcamara didn't have feelings at all, nevermind feelings for Thorn. 

That was absurd. There was just no way that Dulcamara could have feelings for Thorn of all people. She hated him. Hated everything he stood for and everything he did with his life. This wasn't the time to be letting her mind wander and get distracted by her stupid feelings. 

She had her.

She'd actually found Anya in only a hand full of days. This could be so much worse than it was. She could still be headed south. She could be trying to sneak onboard a ship bound for who knows where to find her. This was good. 

"This is good," she sighed out loud, trying to convince herself. She kicked off from the door and moved to the sink and stared back at her reflection in the grimy old mirror. "This is a good...thing," she breathed, trying to calm her heart. She bit down on her lower lip and gripped the edges of the sink. "Just breathe...and don't freak out. Don't let her get to you. She's just saying whatever she thinks will rattle me and set me off…"

As she trailed off and stared back into her own cold blue eyes she could hear the faint traces of voices coming from the other room. She was nearly making out the words when she shook her head and ripped the faucet handle up so the water would drown them out. 

Just focus. 

Think about what Kaye did to you. She looked up into the mirror again and stared at her freshly cut hair. The white and grey locks hung loose and messy around her shoulders. Her hair hadn't been this short since she was a little girl and seeing herself this way felt a little more than strange. Her hair had been the last thing besides her eyes that she'd had as a human. Even then, her eyes before had been bright blue but not glowing or electric like they were now. 

There really wasn't anything left at all that tethered her to her old life. 

If she wanted she could walk out of here and never run into anyone who knew who she was again. She could just keep on going. Just bullshit her way into a new place...maybe even a court. Be among her people, even if some of their customs did make her sick.

Nikki closed her eyes tightly and shook her head one last time. She ran her hands under the cold water and splashed her face a few times, rubbing away the rest of whatever horrible thought trail her mind had been cooking up. 

When she left the bathroom she found all the lights were off and the other two women were already laying down. These beds were not nearly as wide as the one she and Dulcamara had shared the night before and after a few moments of standing there like a fool in the darkness Nikki resigned herself to the idea of sleeping on the floor. 

It wouldn't be comfortable but at least she would be able to control who's skin her fingernails dug into. She felt eyes on her as she gathered up a spare blanket and pillow from the beds and as she lay down in the slim canyon between the wall and Dulcamara's bed she heard the Knight speak up. 

"What are you doing?" She asked and Nikki could tell she was wide awake still. 

"Sleeping," she said as she dropped the pillow on the floor and lay the side of her head against it, facing away from Dulcamara's bed. Again she felt the presence of those brilliant red eyes on her and before long she felt fingers on her shoulder. Thin and boney and not at all welcome and yet...she couldn't shake them off. 

Her breath caught in her throat as she waited, not knowing what to expect or even what she wanted Dulcamara to do but after a moment she spoke again. "Thank you...for...stitching me…"

"You're welcome," the words were just a breath. Nearly silent in the darkness of the room. "You should sleep," she gulped out before clearing her throat and pulling her shoulder away from Dulcamara's fingers. She heard the knight roll over in the bed to face away from her and exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She'd actually done it. 

It hadn't been by much but...she'd actually kept herself from feeling drunk at the touch of someone else's skin for the first time in nearly a year…

The next time she heard a voice she nearly jumped at the surprising use of her actual name. A stupid grin pulled across her lips at the word, the name she hadn't been called by the Knight the entire time she'd known her. 

"Goodnight...Nicole."


	12. Chapter Eleven

Two blackbirds on a highway sign

Are laughing at me here with my wings clipped

I'm staring up at the sky

But the bombs keep fucking falling

There's no devil on my shoulder

He's got a rocking chair on my front porch

But I won't let him in

No, I won't let him in

-The Wonder Years, I Just Wanna Sell Out My Funeral

  
  


Chapter Eleven

"Mmmm...MMMMmm," she stretched. Every part of her ached. Maybe sleeping on the floor hadn't been such a great idea after all. At least she knew she had slept a little so far. Three nights in a row even. That was one hell of a record if you asked the grey girl that hadn't slept more than a handful of hours each night for nearly a year. She pushed herself up and wiped her face for a moment before heading to the bathroom. The outside world was still dark so she couldn't have slept for too long. 

Nikki shut the door behind her and sat down. 'Stupid fast food,' she thought to herself. Her stomach was angry again, as it often was now. Being a faerie certainly sucked sometimes. She'd never have thought that as a human. She never thought that having magic could be anything other than amazing but...it turned out that it came with so many problems that...it really didn't seem worth it. 

Especially when all it did was make her want a boy she couldn't have.

Her thoughts strayed to the blue girl they had gone so far out of their way to snatch up. To Anya. The girl...maybe the only girl to have ever experienced what it meant to be truly  _ with _ Thorn. The only girl that got to hear him say 'I love you'...if she even had. Surely he must have...right? They'd dated for years. She'd seen it written all over his face. Every time the subject came up between the two of them she could see the pain in his face. That pain only existed because he really had loved her... _ did  _ love her. 

The curse was still there after all. If Anya couldn't pull the ring off of his finger then Thorn would love her for all time. Until his body was no more than dust and the ring fell to the ground where he'd lain. Unless that is...she kept her word and started hacking bits off of her until the wolf boy woke up. Wouldn't that be a sight? The first thing he sees when he wakes up being Nikki covered in his exes blood with a knife in her hand. She wasn't really sure how he'd react to that. 

Nikki shook herself back to the present before her thoughts could go any darker. She got cleaned up and caught her own eyes in the mirror when she turned to leave. Her dull grey skin and purple lips, nearly white hair tied up in knots around her horns and big blue eyes stared back at her, flicking up and down from her body to the reflection. 

A mess. 

That was what she'd so fittingly dubbed herself in her own mind. She looked like three different things were trying to share one body, fighting for control, and each trying to get their features on display. 

'You remind me of her,' the words rattled through her mind again and she wrapped her arms around her waist. Maybe he'd just said that because she was a faerie? Thorn wasn't always so deep with his words after all. Could it be that simple? She wanted it to be more than that...wanted it to be that he found her just as beautiful as he found Anya to be but…come on. How naive could she be...

She wrapped the hem of her shirt around her hand to open the bathroom door and flicked the light off and as she walked back to where she'd been sleeping she glanced around the room. 

Her vision caught on Dulcamara first, her eyes pulled to the warrior's bright red hair, and her very pale leg peeking out from under her blanket. She wanted so badly to shake her awake and interrogate her, figure out what Anya had wanted to say before Nikki had left the room earlier. 

Dulcamara could never have romantic feelings for a human...could she? That concept seemed so...not beneath her but...un-real at the very least. She seemed to detest the human world but then...in the car she hadn't once complained about the music. Music so very un-faerie like. The shirt she chose to glamour for herself as well was a hint that maybe there was something to this nagging thought process. Why Paramore? How seriously did she know their music? And why would she at all? How would someone so devotedly faerie as Dulcamara be introduced to a band like that, nevermind enjoy it? 

Nikki's gaze continued around the room to the bed where Anya was...no, Nikki squinted.  _ Should _ be? She froze after another step, the gears in her sleepy mind slowly beginning to turn and dust the sleep from her eyes. She paced to the bed and ripped the blankets down and onto the floor. 

The bed was empty.

She could hear Dulcamara begin to stir as the sheets and comforter hit the floor and slid loudly along the mattress on their way down. Nikki spun around and moved to the door which she found shut, but no longer locked. She peeked out into the parking lot and found Thorn's car staring back at her, right where she'd left it. 

"What's going on?" She heard Dulcamara ask softly, and when she turned back to face her she found the knight looking at the empty bed. 

"She's gone," Nikki gasped and ran back to the bed and searched through the blankets. She soon found the bits of clothing that Dulcamara had used to tie the girl up and she threw them at the wall. "Mother fucker!" She yelled and stomped across the floor to her bag. She grabbed it up from the floor and turned back. "I'll go look for her, you rest."

If Dulcamara heard her at all, it didn't show. She was struggling to her feet in only a moment and Nikki could tell she was still very much in pain. Her hand clutched at her side and she moved as best she could around the room and Nikki had to jab her nails into her forearms to keep from staring at her unclothed body. 

"I'm going," Dulcamara finally said as she grabbed up some of the clothes from the floor that had been tied around Anya's limbs. 

"You're going to get hurt," Nikki growled but the knight didn't stop. She watched as Dulcamara pulled on one of her tank tops and a pair of short elastic black shorts. Nikki thought she could hear her grinding her teeth from here. 

"I'll be fine," she answered and stumbled to the door. Nikki pulled her shoes on and as she opened the door the night air made her all too aware of the fact that she had no pants on, only underwear and another of her tank tops. It didn't matter. They needed to move. 

She summoned magic to her fingertips and stretched out with her power until the pair saw the little red string appear in the sky. She was about to run to the car until she heard Dulcamara struggling to keep up. She turned around and found the knight trying to stifle whimpers as she limped toward the car. 

Nikki rolled her eyes and huffed before she rushed to the Knight's side and pulled her arm over her shoulders and hurried her along. Once Dulcamara was sat down into the passenger seat, Nikki ran around the car and sat down before jamming the key into the ignition. She turned it several times before the old bucket finally started. "I swear to...WHOEVER, if this fucking thing dies right now," she grumbled before backing out of their parking spot and rushing out to the road. 

In a strange and very welcome surprise, it seemed that Anya had followed the road pretty closely. She'd dipped into the trees a few times and the string had always followed her back out to the road. "She must be looking for someone to charm and give her a ride. No way she thinks she can get away on foot," Dulcamara reasoned out loud. 

As the pair drove through the night they found themselves sitting in uncomfortable silence. Neither one of them seemed to want to give a voice to their thoughts. Nikki certainly didn't at least. She didn't want her mouth saying any more words she couldn't take back but holding them in was turning her knuckles white. She was gripping the steering wheel so hard that she could actually twist some of the old worn rubber as she tightened and loosened her nervous muscles. 

The string was still going, snaking its way through the countryside and down the old scenic roads silently. She had to have glamoured someone to give her a ride. There's no way she could walk this far this quickly but then...Nikki guessed that she didn't really know how long Anya had been gone. She could have untied herself hours ago by this point. They should have stopped for rope or something...anything they could use to tie her down more thoroughly. Tie her to the bedposts and then she wouldn't be able to go anywhere...or fight ba-

Nikki shook her head and growled quietly before she leaned forward and focused her eyes on the road. 

"We will catch up," the scarlet haired faerie finally broke the silence. 

"Why do you care so much all of a sudden," Nikki felt the words pass through her lips, powerless to stop them. The Knight fell silent and Nikki could see her staring back at her out of the corner of her eye. "What was she going to say earlier? Before you cut her off"

"It doesn't matter," she dodged. Can't lie but that doesn't mean she had to give a straight answer. 

"Well, I think it matters," Nikki said, sparing her a glance before looking back to the dimly lit tarmac. "Cus if I didn't know better, it sounded an awful lot like you have feelings for Tho-"

"You don't," Dulcamara cut her off. "Drop it. Interrogating me about things that don't matter isn't going to make you feel any better," she bit the words out, trying to keep her own tone in check. Nikki could hear the struggle in her voice. 

She was right of course. It wasn't going to make Nikki feel any better. If anything it would only serve to make her feel so much worse. It was bad enough that she had to spend every waking moment being jealous of one faerie...she didn't think she could handle another. Not that she wasn't already jealous of Dulcamara but...at least if she shut her mouth she could stop herself from conjuring nightmares about Thorn having the hots for the knight. 

They'd never seemed like they liked each other. Sure Thorn had saved her life at the Court of Termites but...he'd have done that for any of them...right? Well...most of them for sure. 

Nikki was about to speak again when she saw a flash of blue through the windscreen and she slammed the brakes on. The car jerked to a halt and Dulcamara nearly flew forward out of her seat. She only didn't because Nikki saw her sliding forward and held her arm out in front of the knight to steady her. The touch of her pale skin sent frantic sparks through her nerves and when Dulcamara's fingers wrapped around her arm in return she nearly felt drunk with the touch. 

Anya stood before the car in the center of the road, staring off into the distance at something. Nikki couldn't see what it was. She was out of the car in moments, shaking her head again to try and shoo the feeling of Dulcamara's touch out of her mind. It wasn't really working very well but she couldn't do much else to fight it. 

She grabbed for Anya's wrists and wrenched them behind her back but Anya wasn't doing much in the way of fighting back. She was alarmingly calm all things considered. "What the fuck were you thinking!" Nikki shouted at her. Anya turned her head and the look that she gave Nikki set off a few alarms in her mind. "Did you really think that we couldn't just follow the string again?" Nikki scoffed. "You can't just come quietly and make this easier on all of us?"

She hauled her back toward the car when Dulcamara spoke up. "Something's wrong," she said and Nikki watched her look around the car. 

"What did you do?" Nikki asked as she pulled a pair of leggings from the back seat and tied Anya's wrists together, this time behind her back. When she didn't answer she shoved her down into the back seat and still Anya wore a small vacant smile on her lips and didn't respond. 

"She's charmed," Dulcamara thought aloud before she looked back out in front of the car into the darkness. 

"By who?"

"The only people who have been waiting for you to be alone I would imagine…" Dulcamara reasoned quietly. "Get in the car," she warned and Nikki quickly shut the door to the backseat and climbed back into the driver's seat. "More than likely we are already surrounded...unless they only sent a small force to grab you. Try not to make a scene."

"What do we do?"

"You drive," Dulcamara strained to say as she turned around in her chair and reached for Anya. "Slowly. I'll lift the charm on her."

Nikki did as she was told and began to inch the car along the quiet and dark road. She heard Dulcamara struggling a little and it took every ounce of her strength to keep her eyes forward. She was leaning into the back seat and the way she was arching her back would give Nikki far too much to look at if she dared to turn her head. Anya wasn't the only one who would be charmed. 

"Wha...where," she heard Anya groan from the back seat. 

"Who charmed you," she heard Dulcamara's uncustomary bedside manner return to her shrill and cold voice and Nikki almost smirked. 

"Charmed...me?" Anya sighed. "I...I ran away...untied myself and then-"

The car jerked to a stop and Dulcamara had to hold the backs of both seats to keep from not sliding forward again. 

"Let me guess...Court of Teeth found you…" Nikki sighed as Dulcamara turned her head to Nikki. 

"You really need to learn how to slow down before stopping," she huffed. 

"Why do you say that?" Anya asked as she shimmied her way into an upright position and the two faeries found Nikki pointing to the windshield. Dulcamara turned the rest of the way around and squinted to catch sight of the green mass that Nikki must have seen. 

"Troll?" Anya breathed curiously. "Why are the Court of Teeth after you?" 

"They stole from them," Dulcamara sighed as she went to open her door. 

"We didn't steal anything!" Nikki blurted out incredulously. "It belongs to me, they stole it first! Where are you going?" Nikki asked as she grabbed for Dulcamara's hand. The Knight cringed and tried to yank her hand away but Nikki didn't let go. 

"What? I suppose you're going to fight the troll off? You can't even hardly hold a knife properly," she said before Nikki yanked her back down into her seat. She could see Dulcamara wincing in pain just from the way she'd hit the cushioned chair. 

"If you go fight that thing you're going to get yourself killed," Nikki said softly and loosened her grip on the Knight's arm. 

"They?" Anya said, clearly still hung up on the conversation that she wanted to have, rather than the one that was going on around her.

"Me and Thorn, god, get with the program already," Nikki huffed and turned back to the knight. 

"You and...Thorn...are…you really are," she began but trailed off when Nikki shot her a fierce look. 

"Can we focus, please?!" She shouted and looked back to the troll. It wasn't moving. He was clearly waiting for them to make a move and enjoying watching them squirm. Nikki could recognize him from here. The same troll that had been sent to grab the necklace in the first place. She'd killed his partner last year and now it was just him, alone. 

"Better me than you," Dulcamara said softly and Nikki almost laughed. 

"How is it better for you to die than me? I'm the one that wants to fucking die," Nikki said aloud and immediately regretted the words. Her vision fell to the footwell before she looked back up at the troll. 

Her hands returned to the wheel and she ripped the gear shift into drive. 

"What are you doing?" Dulcamara grabbed for Nikki's arm but she shook her off easily. 

"Well, I figure, it's a win-win right?" Nikki began softly and a tight smirk stretched across her dull purple lips. "Either he dies and we get to go home and wake Thorn up...or he kills us and Thorn wakes up anyway…"

"I didn't come with you and get stabbed just for you to get us all killed!" Dulcamara yelled in her shrill way. Her voice rang in Nikki's ears and it sent a shiver down her spine but she held fast. 

"Then get out of the car!" Nikki yelled back, turning to look at Dulcamara, their eyes both reflecting in each other's even in the dark of the car. Nikki held her gaze, no matter how badly she wanted to look away, and eventually, Dulcamara sat back in her chair. 

Nikki was more than a little surprised when she tugged her door closed. The dull thud of the metal frame was quickly followed by the click of her seat belt for the first time since they'd left. "You have said it yourself...I am not your friend. I am your babysitter."

The words stunned her a little at first, but after a moment to digest them, Nikki couldn't help the smile that spread over her lips as she faced forward again. 

"Are you two nuts!" Anya shouted from the backseat but Nikki was already revving the pathetic little engine. "That thing is just as big as the car he'll rip it apart!"

"Win-win," Nikki cocked her head, the smirk still playing on her lips as she stomped on the gas pedal, and the car jerked forward with a horrible whine from its front tires. It wasn't the fastest bucket around but at the very least the body panels were made of steel. 

"You're insane!" Anya screamed from the backseat as she tried to lay herself flat and tight to the seat. "You could at least buckle me in!" But the words were utterly lost on Nikki. She was so focused on not letting off the gas that she couldn't even really hear the engine either, despite how loud it was crying for her to stop pushing it so hard. 

She'd wanted this stupid blue box to die since the morning she'd headed to New York with Thorn. How was she supposed to pass up the opportunity? Save their lives or die trying? Either way, this thing probably wasn't going to live through the process. 

She wasn't sure how she was going to explain her thought process to Thorn but then...maybe she'd never have to. That was the beauty of this terrible idea after all.

As they rapidly grew closer to the troll he seemed to just stand there. She could tell he had a blade in his hand but other than that he seemed ready to stand his ground. He didn't seem concerned at all there was one and a half tons of iron flying at him. Maybe he thought she was bluffing? 

If that were the case, he was very sorely wrong. 

It wasn't until the headlights caught the brilliant gold flecks in his black eyes that he would realize exactly how wrong he was. He made an effort move but he wasn't exactly a rabbit. He was an eight-foot mass of muscle and there was nothing on earth that would have made him able to move out of the way by the time he realized that Nikki was not bluffing. 

Of course, he'd have no way of knowing that the car was more or less on autopilot by this point, seeing as Nikki had blacked out several meters before the front end of the car slammed into his knees. Anya would look up into the rearview mirror and find Nikki's unflinching eyes staring wide through the windscreen, her fingers white as a ghost on the wheel and her teeth ground together tightly. She really was going to do this...and she really didn't care how it ended. All at once the answers that Anya had been fearing became clear in her heart and somehow...it didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would. The realization that someone else had taken her place after all. 

She was almost...happy?

"You really do love him…don't you?"


	13. Chapter Twelve

Please, don't make me feel like a disaster.

I'm learning how to put the pieces back together

And turn the aching to composure.

I'm thinking with my head first;

No more broken phones or swollen knuckles

From putting holes in the booth by the back wall.

-The Wonder Years, Chaser

Chapter Twelve

The world was reduced to noise. Her head was pounding and they all came through her ears in dull and distorted versions of the sounds they were meant to be. Someone was knocking...no...she wasn't sure. It wasn't constant and had no real pattern like a knock would. There was dripping too but...more than one thing was causing it...many things. 

Her chest felt tight and one of her arms was asleep too. She couldn't feel where ever it was but at least it didn't throb in pain like her head. Her other arm, however, that one felt something. A sharp and stinging pain that screamed through the grey flesh of her forearm. 

Other than that, the world was just breaths. Some short and sharp, some long and ragged. Those sounded far away. Near where the louder clanging noise was coming from. 

Nikki's eyes flitted open once...closed tightly and then opened to slits again. 

The scene before her was a blurry one, to say the least. A mess of wet and runny blues and blacks...strange patches of light danced across the wet surfaces and her head swam as she tried to look around herself. Her head was under so much pressure she could barely keep her eyes open. Her eyes shifted to her arm and she had to squint just to see it. Glass. There was a shard of it, a few inches in size, poking out of it. She turned her wrist over and felt a little relief to find it wasn't sticking all the way through her. It didn't feel too deep and as she flexed her fingers she found that she still had full control over the digits. Nothing severed. 

She could hear something crackling now too. Her mind began to wander as the thumping in her head grew louder. It sounded like the noise she imagined her magic would make if it were to actually make one. Like sparks licking at her skin. 

Nikki forced her eyes to her other arm and found it all there in one piece. No cuts or blemishes, it had just fallen asleep. She suspected it had to do with how tight her seat belt clung to her chest. It wasn't just taught, it was over-tight. Like she was fighting to get out of a Bear's arms. She looked to her window, thankfully still devoid of glass since she'd had it down, and soon found why her belt was so tight. 

The tar of the road was only inches from her face. The car had flipped when she'd rammed it into the troll….the…

The troll.

Her head snapped to her other side and found the seat empty and the door forced open, ripped from its hinges entirely. She squinted at the gap, now able to hear footsteps and grunts coming from outside the car. 

Had the troll survived the crash? She didn't remember much of the insane decision she'd made but she was pretty confident she'd hit him. The more she looked around the more she found the car absolutely destroyed. Not that she could see much. It was dark and damp and her head was still pounding. 

Nikki slowly moved her free arm to her seat belt release and drew in as deep of a breath as she could before pressing it. 

The belt released and she fell headfirst into the roof of the overturned car. The belt caught around her sleeping arm and yanked her around as she fell. When the back of her head hit the sparsely cushioned frame of the car her vision swam again and she heard another pink of metal on...something. her arm throbbed again and that was enough of an answer. The glass in her arm. 

She tried to spread herself out, glass and metal biting into the flesh of her back and exposed thighs as she did, but she needed her blood flowing again or she was never going to get out of this wreck. Just another problem with being tall. There wasn't much room to spread out when the car didn't look like an oversized crumpled beer can, nevermind when it did. 

A word came from outside the car. It was a bit of a garbled mess but Nikki thought it may have been her last name. She couldn't be sure, and she really didn't have the breath to respond either. The feeling was slowly returning to her other arm in the form of a million needles pricking into her skin. Her muscles tightened all across her body as she tried not to squirm at the strange feeling, the loudest thing in her muffled world. 

When she looked out the vacant door again though she spotted a great mass on the ground, mangled and bloody. She had hit the troll. She'd got him after all. He must have had more Knight's with him out of sight. 

"Maraaaa…" she groaned softly. She doubted anyone would even hear such a weak attempt at a call for help. 

When the pins and needles finally left her arm she pulled her arms together over her stomach and gripped her fingers around the shard of glass sticking out of her right wrist. She summoned every bit of strength she could and yanked it from her skin, the flesh crying out in pain as it came free. She dropped the blood-covered shard beside her and let the breath out through gritted teeth. 

She rolled onto her side and lifted her hand to her head, feeling herself all over and wasn't all too shocked when a sharp pain rose. She couldn't feel any glass in the wound but still, her hand came away bloody. She must have hit her head, that's all. She was getting less dizzy by the breath now that she wasn't upside down, so that was something. 

She looked down at herself and under her loose tank top, she could see the long imprint of a bruise indented across and up her chest where the seat belt had locked up. Her chest still felt tight but at least she could breathe now. She glanced around the front seat of the car and found her bag sitting on the pavement where the windshield should have been, its contents spilled all over the place. 

She looked toward the back seat of the car and suddenly realized that they'd had a third person in the car with them. 

Anya was out cold. 

She wasn't moving, eyes closed, face down on the ceiling covered in all the stray clothes and food wrappers that had been in the back seat with her. She hadn't even had a seat belt on since she been tied up. She was  _ still  _ tied up. Nikki would have felt guilty if her veins hadn't filled with adrenaline as soon as she'd spotted the blue girl. She crawled a pace or two and reached for the knot of clothing around Anya's wrists. This close to her she could at least tell the girl was breathing. She actually didn't look too bad all things considered. Disheveled for sure, but not injured. 

"Revin!" The voice came again. More of a growl than anything else. The car rocked a little as something or, more likely, someone was thrown into the side of the overturned mess of steel and plastic. Nikki moved for the missing passenger door and peeked out to find a knight pinning Dulcamara to the car. 

Nikki couldn't much tell but she was sure that her Knight was bleeding. Her eyes flicked down to her abdomen but she couldn't see where she'd stitched her up, the two combatants were pressed together too harshly. Her head was bleeding though and the red liquid was almost indistinguishable from her hair in the haze. 

Nikki looked around quickly and found more than a few dead Knight's lying around the car, as well as finding the smell of burning. 

The car was on fire. 

Nikki's eyes widened quickly before she looked behind herself and found the shard of glass she had pulled from her arm. She crawled out of the car as quietly as she could while Dulcamara fought to keep a knife from her throat. The world was becoming a little less blurry now but still, when Nikki stood the world seemed to sway beneath her. 

She gripped the glass so tight it bit into her skin and snapped her eyes shut for a moment to try and settle her vision. When she opened them again she found Dulcamara looking sidelong at her. There was something in her eyes...fury for sure but...worry too? Maybe. Maybe Nikki was just  _ that  _ dizzy. 

Nikki staggered forward a step before she planted her foot and thrust the glass forward. The Knight realized she was there far too late to do anything about it, and the shard sliced cleanly into the soft flesh right above his hip bone and drove nearly all the way in. It almost completely disappeared from Nikki's hand, it had gone in so easily. 

He staggered back a step before Dulcamara pushed him off of her. He fell backward and slammed his head into the pavement and in only a few moments his breathing had ceased. Both women stood in silence for several moments, trying to catch their breath before Nikki fell sideways into the car. Her hands flew up to catch herself but she still slid down until she was sitting on the pavement. 

She could still smell the fire but she needed to rest a moment. She heard Dulcamara come to rest beside her and crouch down. She felt her long fingers in her hair, removing mottled clumps of it from her wound to gauge if it was serious probably. 

"We need to get her out of the car," she said finally and pulled Nikki to her feet. It wasn't much of a rest but it'd have to do. Dulcamara pulled the back seat door open and fished through all the stray clutter until she could grab Anya enough to pull her free without dragging her too much. 

Nikki thought she should probably be helping but all she could do was look at the freshly mangled corpse of the car. She'd actually wrecked Thorn's car. Completely totaled it. She wasn't sure if that had been the plan but now that she actually had a moment to think about it...what else had the plan really been? There weren't a lot of options when you clearly intend to run a troll over. The creature was practically just as big as the car was so there weren't a lot of possible outcomes really. 

Thorn didn't seem to have a lot in life but...he'd had this at least. He'd had the power to go wherever he wanted to go. To get in something he owned and just...go. Now she'd taken that away from him. 

"Hey," Dulcamara grunted and Nikki's attention returned to the pale knight. She had Anya in her arms and Nikki jolted back to reality. She moved to grab Anya's feet and almost fell forward into the pavement again. She felt sick. Sick with guilt and worry. 

Still, she grabbed Anya's ankles and the pair carried her a safe distance away from the car before something ticked in Nikki's head. 

"Wait," she said as she turned back toward the car and did her best to jog back to it. When she got to the mess of metal she crouched down and looked back inside the wreck toward her bag. In the messy pile of her belongings, she spotted what she was looking for and grabbed for the little grey doll before she spotted her phone and grabbed that too.

She backed out from the wreckage and walked back down off the road and into the trees where Dulcamara was hunched over Anya. 

"What did you go back for?" She asked and looked up to find Nikki clutching the doll. Dulcamara rolled her eyes and returned to tending to the unconscious girl. "Oh."

"It's Thorns I...didn't want to lose it."

"Yes well," the knight huffed and stood. "She seems fine. Just passed out. We need to keep moving so find a place to keep that and grab one of her arms."

Nikki stuffed the doll into her waistband for lack of having pockets and moved to Anya's other side. Each of them pulled one of the blue girl's arms over their shoulders and began to walk back toward the road. "Where are we going exactly?" 

"Did your phone survive?" Dulcamara suggested and Nikki realized it was still in her hand. She pressed the home button and was a little surprised when the screen lit up. 

"Thank yooouuuuu OtterBox," she breathed in relief. There wasn't a mark on it. She pulled up the navigation she'd had set to bring them toward home and nodded down the road. "That way."

The duo started down the road and after a few moments of silence, Dulcamara spoke first. 

"I was wrong about you you know," she breathed softly and Nikki thought she may have imagined the words.

"Wrong about...me? In what way?" She asked, trying to focus on putting on foot in front of the other. She was still a little dizzy but it was getting a little better as she chugged the fresh night air. 

"About you not being a killer," a wicked smile spread over the Knight's lips and Nikki caught it out of the corner of her eye. 

"Was...was that...a joke?" Nikki snickered a little. 

"Hmm," Dulcamara hummed to herself. "Maybe."

"I guess you're right...you are a little more familiar with my world than I'd have ever guessed…" The Knight was silent for a long while as they walked before Nikki had to speak again. She had to keep her talking or the guilt was going to overflow from inside her mind. "You know I...I'm really glad you-"  _ BOOM.  _

The pair jumped a little in surprise and turned back to see a cloud of black and red smoke and sparks fly up into the night sky. The glow of light coming from back down the road was enough to warm their skin for a moment it burned so hotly. 

"Gas tank blew," Dulcamara said. "Come on, we need to move before anyone shows up. 

Their pace quickened and this time as they walked in the night, Nikki remained silent. 

/

It was hours and several breaks before they found themselves in a new town. They sat down at the first bus station they could find and anyone who came close got glamoured to the point of not even seeing them there at all. The pair had taken it in turns to go into the bathroom and clean up as best they could with water and paper towels. They'd at least washed most of the blood off of themselves and been able to tie up any lingering bleeding wounds. Anya finally woke up but was far too occupied with her new headache to say anything or try to run away. The trio sat in silence for at least an hour before a bus headed for New England came along. 

This was going to be a long ass ride, that was for sure. The trio sank into the old leather seats with Anya in the window seat so she couldn't just get up and run but something told Nikki she wouldn't be trying again. 

Her disposition seemed different now, and as the dull light of morning came over the horizon the pixie even fell asleep. 

"You should sleep as well," Dulcamara sighed toward Nikki. There were only a few people on the bus and none of them had any idea that the trio of Faeries was there with them. 

"So should you," was all she could manage to think of. 

"You first," she heard before she felt the Knight's fingers brush along her arm. Nikki felt sparks flicking through her blood and was suddenly even more tired than before. 

"Cheater," she breathed and felt a small smile pull at her lips. "Fine…" 

/

When Nikki woke up it was due to the sun shining straight into her eyes. She flinched backward toward the aisle which led her straight into Dulcamara's shoulder. When they bumped together she felt the other woman stretch out. She blinked several times before stretching out and found that not only had she just woken Dulcamara up but also that Anya was awake and studying her. 

"Why are you staring at me like that," Nikki asked worriedly but Anya just looked away and out the window. 

"I wasn't," she answered softly. Nikki sat up straight and pulled up her phone from her pocket. It was nearly dead now but it had just enough battery to tell her what time it was at least. Noon. 

"Hughhhh God this is going to take foreverrrr," she groaned and leaned back into her chair. 

"It's better than being dead," Dulcamara reasoned. 

"Maybe for you…" Anya chided.

"I don't think he could hurt you no matter how badly he wanted to…" the words trickled out of Nikki's mouth. Anya glanced over to her with a raised eyebrow. "Neither could I…" she admitted. 

"I thought you would be more than happy to kill me."

"I...I just want Thorn to wake up...if you can take the ring off of his finger then you'll be fine...if not...you might be losing a finger," Nikki shrugged. 

Anya actually laughed a little before returning her gaze to the window. "I've known I could take it off all along I...just...didn't...don't want to see him."

"Because you're afraid of what he'll do?"

"No…" Anya breathed. "Because I'm afraid I won't be able to walk away from him a second time if he doesn't order me to…"

"...Why'd you do it," the question came back to Nikki's mind. She really did want to know what had been the reason.

"Ironside is poison…" Anya shrugged. "I didn't think I could handle it anymore. I barely had any magic, I was losing my connection to the earth...I loved him...I'm afraid that...I'll always love him but...loving him was killing me."

"You couldn't have just told him that?" Nikki asked incredulously. "He would have understood, he probably would have left  _ with _ you-"

"That's why I didn't tell him," Anya cut her off and locked her pink orbs with Nikki's icy blue ones. Nikki's breath caught in her throat. "Thorn doesn't belong in our world…"

"The queen of all faeries' is a human being now. Why wouldn't Thorn belong with you?"

"Just because our precious Jude Duarte is fit for faerie land doesn't mean all humans are. Thorn wouldn't feel whole. He's far too human to have a fulfilling life with us."

"He could have learned to love it...he...you were everything to him."

"That's the problem. He would go to the ends of the earth to please me...whether he was happy or not it didn't matter. That's not how it's supposed to be...not for him."

"You...left him because you wanted more for him?" Nikki asked, trying to comprehend the silliness of Anya's reasoning. 

"Yes. He deserved more than the life I could give to him…"

The threesome fell silent for a long while as Nikki mulled the words over in her head. It sounded insane. The way she talked, it really wasn't hard to believe that in some weird way Anya definitely did love Thorn but...Nikki couldn't imagine ever feeling those things herself. Did that mean she didn't love Thorn? Or did it mean there was more than one way to love somebody? She didn't know. She couldn't even fathom leaving Thorn knowing that he was in love with her. 

Sure, she could picture her leaving him alone now so that he could get his life back on track but...that was before he'd confessed that loving her scared him. Before that, she could sort of understand what Anya meant but not now. Not after she'd learned that he wanted her back. 

The few times they'd spent tangled together she thought that he had just wanted someone to spend his nights with. Someone to take the edge off but when he'd confessed that all changed. Before the duel, he had convinced Nikki that he did have real feelings for her. If he hadn't, she might not be sitting next to his ex on a bus right now. 

"I guess you're right...he probably wouldn't understand," Anya turned back to see Nikki looking straight ahead, unwilling to look at her any further. "I don't understand you either."

"It's probably better that you don't...you may actually be able to give him what he deserves because of it."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

I gotta tell you

I had a dream last night,

You came back to me after our goodbye

My arms you fell into,

And you asked if I'd run away with you, I

Ain't felt that way before,

Like I couldn't wait just a minute more

And I don't wanna let you go,

But dreams slip away,

I know

-Tessa Violet, Dream

  
  


Chapter Thirteen

For the first time in Nikki's short life as a faerie, the adage 'Gone in one faerie's sigh,' had actually turned out to be a benefit. The bus ride had flown by really. The entire day and then most of the night too had breezed by them from behind the polished windows. Every time she'd blinked an hour would pass, even without having much more conversation with her two companions. She didn't want to talk to Anya and Anya didn't want to talk to her. 

Sure they both had questions burning behind their lips but neither of them wanted to open up the possibility of an argument. She'd agreed to stop fighting and come quietly, that was all that Nikki needed to focus on. No need to let her emotions get the better of her and ruin it with uncomfortable questions. Besides, only half of her mind wanted the answers anyway. The half that couldn't just leave well enough alone. 

In truth...the other half of her mind had no desire to hear any of the answers that Anya could possibly come up with. They didn't matter. All they would do is serve to dig Nikki a deeper hole in her own mind. Besides, there was one thought creeping through her brain, infecting every cell of it with the realization it brought. 

Nikki wasn't going to be the first person Thorn saw when he woke up. 

This time when he woke up from something Nikki had gotten him into that threatened his life, his big black eyes would open and he would be face to face with the girl he really wanted to wake up in the arms of. The girl he'd thought that she was when she was singing to him after she'd pulled him out of the Court of Teeth. 

Anya. 

Those bright pink eyes would meet his and those two stupid blackbirds could do anything they wanted with each other. Between that and the fact that the room was probably going to be packed full with anxious friends, Nikki wasn't sure she even wanted to be there for it. Why would he choose her in the end anyway? She wouldn't. If she were Thorn...she'd pick Anya in a heartbeat. 

Her words had been flip-flopping in her mind since they'd quieted down and each taken it in turns to sleep. That she'd left him for his own benefit and her own. That they didn't belong together despite being in love. 

The more she thought about it the more sick she felt. Sick that she was almost starting to understand, despite having been adamant that she didn't understand the logic. 

Thorn was good for Nikki. He was the most good thing she'd ever come across. He knew how to help her, he could read her like an open book, understood her inside and outright from the start. 

But Nikki was not good for Thorn. 

She was a gateway into a more dangerous world. One that he so obviously wished her had a larger part in. He spent years working jobs for faeries', even after the one he was dating up and left one day. He courted trouble and Nikki was an excuse to do it more often. All she'd done in the almost year she'd had her glamour ripped off was make Thorn suffer. Sure, he didn't much care about that but in a sick sort of way, that only made it worse. 

The knowledge that she could get him killed and that he wouldn't mind made half of her brain scream, and the other half swoon. She loved and hated the thought of it. The  _ reality  _ of it. In her little world of made up and imaginary creatures and monsters, Thorn was the most real thing she knew. He had real problems, tangible things that could be fixed and worked on. A job to keep, an apartment to maintain...a totaled car to replace.

He was just too real...

Nikki's problems were all pure fantasy, like some sappy book where the girl's only problem is how to land prince charming. She didn't have to try to keep her job, the last eight months had proved that well enough. The only thing she had in common with him was that they each had no family to worry about but she'd suspected that that was much more of a factor in Thorn's life than it was in hers. 

He probably missed them. Probably wished they were still around, unlike Nikki who, after discovering they were imposters, didn't much feel the difference. She'd never had any extended family and she was never that close with her 'parents' to begin with. Just another way she couldn't relate to Thorn. 

The thoughts haunted her all the way up until when they got off the bus. Dulcamara had glamoured the driver to let them off right in front of the coffee shop and as the big silver machine drove away Nikki found her eyes focused upon the second-story windows. She stayed just like that until she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked over to see Dulcamara staring up at the same window she had been. 

"He's uhmmm…" Nikki stammered a little before taking a breath. "He's up in Corney's living room…" Nikki said, turning her attention to Anya. 

The Blue girl's skin, much like Nikki's, had been glamoured enough to appear pale and her ears had shrunk down to human size. All three of them appeared nearly human and it was enough to not draw much in the way of attention. It was barely sunrise after all so there weren't many people around. 

All Anya did was nod her head and step off the sidewalk and into the street. Nikki watched her cross the road and head into the tea shop which was still open of course. A disgruntled, and then surprised Kate stared back at Anya from behind the counter. She didn't appear to say much but Nikki wasn't really listening. The pair crossed the road and Nikki sat down on the sidewalk, propping her chin up in her hands as Anya disappeared into the back of the shop. 

"You are not going inside?" Dulcamara asked as she looked her over. 

"Why bother...I'll just be in the way."

Dulcamara huffed and looked between the shop and Nikki once before she took a seat beside her on the concrete walkway. The women were silent for a few seconds before the questions came crawling up Nikki's throat. 

"You loved a human...didn't you…" well, more of an accusation than a question but still, she wanted to know. She'd suspected for a while but couldn't find the time to ask. Not to mention she wasn't sure if Dulcamara would want to answer. 

The scarlet haired knight was quiet for a long while before she seemed to formulate her answer. "There's not much seems to get passed you, Nicole…"

"And you don't like to give direct answers," Nikki smirked a little, to her own surprise. 

"Hah," Dulcamara chuckled a little, a strange and silly smirk spreading over her own lips. The noise was so jarring that Nikki actually laughed too. 

Dulcamara's eyes dropped to the pavement between her legs and Nikki watched as she dragged her nails over the tar lightly. "It's not a lie if you don't say it," she replied in what had to be the most gentle tone she'd heard from the knight thus far. 

"Thank you for coming with me I...couldn't have done this without you...I owe y-" 

"You owe me nothing," Dulcamara cut her off. "I owed the wolf...that debt is now paid," she reasoned. 

"Still I...thank you," Nikki croaked. "I know that faeries don't say that kind of shit but...I do."

"You…are welcome then. If that's what you want to hear," Dulcamara sneered. 

"Will you do me a favor," Nikki asked as a smile spread across her lips and Dulcamara gave her a curious look. "Not that kind of favor," Nikki laughed softly and shook her head. "Do yourself a favor I guess is what I mean."

"What is it?"

"...Talk to Kaye," Nikki sighed. She saw Dulcamara huff and turn away from her. Nikki reached over and threaded her fingers into the Knight's hand though and she saw the woman's shoulders drop as she exhaled. "She just moved away from all of her friends and she has no one to talk to in that entire Court and...I'm betting you don't either."

Dulcamara's eyes dropped to the pavement again and Nikki felt her fingers fidgeting in her grasp a little. She could see the knight chewing on her lower lip a little in thought as well and for the first time, she looked truly human. 

"You don't have to be the best thing since sliced bread you know?" Nikki chuckled. "Just...give each other someone to talk to. Like this...like we can," Nikki smiled as Dulcamara finally met her gaze. "I know you've got the whole, bad bitch thing going on but," she said as Dulcamara couldn't help but let a sharp and amused breath leave her nose. "But you're also really nice and trust me...she's probably almost as lonely as you are."

Her face had it written all over it. She wanted to be able to lie and say that she wasn't lonely but Nikki knew she couldn't. "Just think about it," she said, squeezing her hand. "Okay?"

"Fine," Nikki watched the word escape the Knight's mouth, teeth still jabbed into her lower lip. "One condition."

"Yeah?"

Dulcamara stood and held her hand out to Nikki. She took the gesture and Dulcamara lifted her quite easily to her feet. "Go inside. Stop being afraid of what you feel for him and go tell him…"

Nikki took a breath. "Little hypocritical, don't you think?"

Dulcamara took a long breath and Nikki was afraid she'd hurt her feelings. She hadn't really meant to say those words but the thought of Dulcamara having feelings for Thorn hadn't escaped her mind.

"Don't make my mistakes," Dulcamara jabbed her pointer finger into Nikki's shoulder. "Tis' a human saying, no? Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," she recited. 

Nikki gave her a quick and impressed look. "So now you listen to human music  _ and _ read human books?" She smirked. 

"No," the knight shook her head. "I've heard Kaye say that before…"

Nikki looked between the door and the knight before speaking again. "What about you?"

"Time to go," she shrugged. "Job complete. I need to get back to where I belong." 

"Okay well...be safe okay?" Nikki said and suddenly felt a little silly for it. Dulcamara smiled a crooked smile and turned away from her. 

"I should be telling you that," she laughed to herself and Nikki watched her go for a few moments. 

She turned back to the building and drew in a long breath, closed her eyes, and let it out slowly before she grabbed for the door handle and ventured inside. Kate was gone, probably followed Anya upstairs to watch or interrogate her. Nikki walked through the shop, into the back hallway, and up the stairs until she came to rest outside the apartment's door. She could hear Anya breathing but nothing else coming from inside the open door. 

She plucked up all the courage she could and stepped inside to find Anya kneeling on the floor in front of the couch and clutching something in her hands over her heart. Her eyes were closed and she almost looked like she was praying. Kaye was nowhere to be seen thankfully.

"Did it work?" Nikki asked hesitantly. 

Anya opened her eyes slowly and opened her hands for Nikki to see the small black ring resting in her palm. "It came right off when I tugged on it...the spell is gone but...he didn't wake up."

Her voice was horse and Nikki could see that her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with fresh tears already. She'd only left them alone for a few minutes. 

"Wha-" Nikki gasped before her breath hitched in her throat. "What does that mean?"

"It means that this stupid ring didn't matter!" Anya shouted and chucked the ring across the room. It smashed against the wall and even from several feet away Nikki could see that it had left a mark in the plaster. Nikki watched in silence as the realization washed through her. The answer. The truth she had been wondering about all year crashing through her. "It means he still loves me," Anya whimpered as her vision fell back to the floor and she wrapped her arms around herself. 

The string was gone and yet...he was still asleep. Anya was right. She had to be right. There was no other explanation. Nikki walked to the edge of the couch and fell to her knees beside Anya on the floor. It was all for nothing. 

"I really wanted it to work you know…" Anya sobbed. "I really wanted this to work...I wanted you to be right…"

Nikki just sat there in silence. No tears came, no words crawled up her throat and nothing passed through her mind. Just...nothing. It really had all been for nothing. She'd really killed him. 

"Kill me," Anya breathed and Nikki was dragged back to reality. She looked to her side and locked eyes with Anya. The pixie girl had the most serious expression Nikki had ever seen, pink eyes hardened and red with tears. 

"What?" Nikki breathed. 

"I said kill me!" Anya shouted.

"How is that going to help?!" Nikki yelled back as they both stood up. "He still loves you! It doesn't matter if you're dead or not!" 

"It's worth a shot! Better me than him!" She cried and Nikki froze. Nikki slapped her hand over Anya's mouth and pressed a finger to her own lips. Anya struggled for a moment but when she began to hear it too she froze up much like Nikki had. 

"Hm mm hm mm hm hmmmmmMmm hmm," they heard so softly it was almost inaudible, even to their better than normal hearing. Like a ghost's whisper in the night. It was like a dream you could hardly remember it was so soft and far away. Both girls looked down out of the corner of their eye and waited. 

It felt like an eternity passed between them as they stared in stunned silence down at Thorn's still unmoving body. Nikki removed her hand from Anya's lips and lowered her other from her own mouth. 

"Did I imagine that?" Nikki gasped and Anya rushed to the side of the couch and pressed her finger into Thorn's throat. She closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated on trying to feel for his pulse. "Anything?" 

"He's...he's breathing but...it's incredibly slow. His Bpm is usually pretty slow but not  _ this  _ slow," she replied worriedly and pressed her ear down to his chest. Nikki felt her ears burn and she had to resort to digging her nails into her own forearms to keep them out of Anya's skin instead. "It's like...like he's having trouble coming out of it but… he is waking up!" Anya gasped and sat up. 

"Well, what...what do we do to help?" 

"Blackbirds," Anya said as she shot Nikki a glance. "You must know it by now. I heard you play it on the radio in the car."

"Devil in my Bloodstream?" Now that Nikki was thinking of it, that did make some kind of sick poetic sense. Anya motioned for Nikki to join her beside him on the couch and Nikki hesitantly came to sit beside her. 

"Come on, you sing," Anya encouraged her. 

"I…" Nikki breathed softly. "It can't be that simple can it?" 

"What do we have to lose by trying?" Anya huffed and cleared her throat. 

When Anya began to sing Nikki was shocked. Her voice was like velvet, far more smooth than she'd ever heard the girl speak, that was for sure. Her thick accent almost completely melted away too which took her even more by surprise. She almost sounded like she was actually from New England while singing, rather than Russia where Nikki suspected the faerie girl had come from. It was beautiful. Far more beautiful than what Nikki imagined she must sound like. 

She felt Anya nudge her in the back as she continued to sing and watched the girl wave her hands toward Thorn, reminding Nikki that she was supposed to be helping. 

Nikki slipped her fingers into Thorn's hand and, after sucking in a nervous breath, and by the time she started to sing, Anya had already reached the chorus. 

"Two blackbirds on a highway sign, their laughing at me at four in the morning," Nikki's eyes flicked over to the window, just barely able to see the light rising this early in the morning above the city skyline. The sun wasn't up yet but the world still glowed in the barest bits of dawn. "They play the war drums out of time, but I'm not sure where I've been marching," Nikki's eyes widened as the lyrics sank into her mind and heart as she slowly began to realize the truth. 

This song has been her entire journey. 

From the blackbirds she'd seen on top of the sign on their way to the hospital in Maine or to New Orleans, to the many sunrises she'd been forced to watch with no sleep, all the fighting she'd done, not knowing where she was going, sixteen-hour drives each day, knowing what it meant to live in a world that had never loved her, constantly hoping her hunches and awful thoughts were wrong and more than all the rest of it…

Wanting to be strong, even though it wasn't easy anymore. 

The barest little twitch. The faintest, tiniest movement she'd ever felt in her life. Just as possibly imaginary as the humming had been. There was more movement too, this time though it was far less hope-inspiring. Thorn's throat began to squirm and his eyelids pulled taught. They had already been closed to begin with but now they seemed snapped so tightly shut that they may rip. His hand clenched around her fingers and she yelped in surprised pain as the bones of her fingers pressed into each other. 

Her singing cut off, she watched in horror as the squirming in Thorn's throat grew more violent and shot upward toward his mouth. His lips pried open and in his semi-conscious state, he began to growl and wretch. 

Up through his lips wormed a vine of deep green twisting plants. Nikki saw blue hands shoot by her and grab for the plants, soon followed by another growl of pain coming from their owner behind her. She turned to see Anya making quite the pained face, but was surprised when she kept grabbing for them. 

There was already blood trickling out of her grip and down onto Thorn's shirt but she seemed determined not to let go. 

The plants were covered in thorns and prickers. 

"Help me!" Anya grunted over the small distance between them and Nikki snapped too, turning back and grabbing for the vines as well. Pain shot up through her hands as they closed around the prickers and both girls stood from the couch and began to heave. 

The pair threw all their weight back and it only served to rip up their hands more as the plants slowly made their way out of a now shaking and seizing Thorn. 

The only solace in the situation was that it seemed the prickers weren't pulling Thorn to pieces from the inside out. The girls couldn't see any blood coming out of his mouth at all actually. That realization was all it took for the two of them to pull one more time with all the strength they had and after a moment the plants slipped from Thorn's mouth. 

The girls fell backward into the far wall and dropped the plants, the prickers slipping from their now deep cuts and to the floor as they hugged their sliced up arms and hands to their chests. 

Nikki's knees felt weak with the pain but as she fell to the floor against the wall she noticed that Thorn had shot upright on the couch, blinking and breathing heavily. He was drenched in sweat now and breathing ragged but a smile still made its way over Nikki's lips with ease as the room around her turned black. 

He was awake. 

She'd actually...done it…

/

"Nik...hey!" 

She could hear a far off voice. A familiar one that caught her ear in such a way that her weary mind and body sang. She wanted to hear more of it. Maybe if she stayed asleep it would keep talking to her. "Nikki wake up!" 

Something was grabbing her shoulders. Swaying her from side to side as she grinned like a drunken fool at the beauty of the words. The touch was so warm. So disgustingly and wonderfully warm in the summer heat that she thought it may burn her. 

Her eyes slowly creaked open and there, in front of her, stood the boy she'd been dreaming of. "Hmmmm," her grin spread as she squinted up at him. Her hand lifted up to his face and she poked her finger into his cheek. "Hiiii Thornnnn," she swooned before pain rippled up along her finger and into her arm. "Ow," she frowned and looked at her hand. There were bandages all the way up her fingers, hands, and arms to around her elbow and they were stained red all along the way. "Wait…" She squinted again and looked back up toward the boy who now looked more worried than anything. 

Those big dark puppy dog eyes met hers as she studied him. His messy greying brown and black hair. The big and well-used shoulders, heaving chest, sharp eyebrows, and strong jaw. 

Those big, stupid, puffy red lips. 

"Are...you real?" She asked timidly. She felt fuzzy. Everything felt fuzzy. The light coming in the window had brightened significantly and the whole world looked like a blur behind his large frame. 

She looked around and found she was sitting on the couch that he had previously occupied. There were people everywhere. Blurry faces that she could barely recognize as she tried to blink the sleep and pain from her eyes. 

"Yeah Nik I...I'm real...I'm here," he said and butterflies rippled through her stomach as he flashed her a short smile. 

"Oh...that's a relief," she sighed dramatically and let her vision drop back to the floor. She felt his fingers on her though. They moved under her chin and lifted her face back up to look her over. 

"Are you alright?" He asked and looked into each of her eyes one at a time. "Ravus made you both something to counteract the poison in those plants. You seem pretty loopy."

"Looooo-py," the word bubbled up out of her throat and her head rolled back until it was rested against the wall. "Heee...funny word," she giggled and saw his smile widen. 

"Hah...yeah you'll be alright," he said as he backed away and stood up. With him out of her view, she was able to look around the room more and make out some of the faces more clearly. She watched him take a step away and then crouch down beside her with a much more serious expression. But then there was someone else in front of her. 

Red hair bobbed as they crouched down in front of her and again, Nikki felt fingers on her cheeks. "Oh Nik...you really did it," the gentle tone came out of the woman's mouth and finally Nikki placed the face. 

"Hii Vallll," she mused and giggled again. "I mished you," her head tilted forward and Val caught her gaze and held her head up. 

"You did really great you know," Val smiled and Nikki squinted to get a better look at her blurry face. Her green eyes were wet and her expression was tight, even though she was smiling. Like she was wearing a mask stretched too far. 

"Why are you saaaadd," Nikki asked as she reached up to touch her fingers to Val's cheeks. When she did she got a sharp pain and quick reminder that her hands were all cut up. "Ow."

"I'm not sad," Val shook her head and laughed. "I was just really worried about you. Now put your hands down," she chuckled. "You're both gonna be fine."

"Both?" Nikki blinked and cocked her head lazily to one side. She closed her right eye tight and focused on Val to try and stop the room from spinning. "There's two of me?" 

"No Nik…" Val sighed and looked to Nikki's immediate left and nodded her head. That's where Thorn was looking too. Nikki turned her head best she could until she could see the flash of blue skin sitting down on the couch beside her. 

The long pink hair was splayed out so far that it was even on Nikki in a few places. Thorn seemed to be studying her intently but Nikki noted, quite happily, that he wasn't actually touching her. The hair though. There was something about hair she'd wanted to ask the wolf boy when he woke up. What was it? Long hair...something about long hair and...about Kaye? 

"Do you like Kaye's hair?" Nikki blurted out and Val and Thorn looked her way with strange looks. It took several breathes for Nikki to realize those were not the words she'd wanted to say. "Sorry...uhm," she closed her eyes tightly and pressed the bass of her palm into her forehead. Pain shot through her hand but she tried to ignore it, biting down on her lower lip to try and focus. "Looooong hair," she blurted out again. "Do you like long hair?" She asked in Thorn's direction and this time, when he studied her she saw his eyes flicking between her face, her hair, and Anya's hair. 

Eventually, a small smile crept over his lips and his cheeks went tight like he was trying to hold down a laugh. "I like your haircut, yes Nikki," he shook his head with a smile and stood from the floor. 

"Heee," she giggled breathlessly and let her head fall back against the wall again. "Thannkkssss." 

"I'm gonna go get her some water and food. Knowing you," he pointed down at her. "you probably haven't eaten anything in days and that's why the meds have you so fucked up."

"You know me soooo well," she grinned from ear to ear and she heard him laugh fully and heartily as he headed for the door. 

"Keep an eye on them alright?" He nodded toward Val and the other faces. 

"Always," Val nodded happily and Nikki could feel her starting to run her fingers through her hair, untangling the mess it had become over the last day. 

"Thanks, moommm," Nikki slurred and Val couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up from her throat. She could hear some of the other faces laughing as well and that sent her into another giggling fit. 

"Anytime sweetheart."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

If you walked me home, I know that I'd have flashbacks

Of snow angels and good laughs

If you walked me home, but you won’t, you’re all alone

One some bullshit, pill-bottle vision quest

If you walked me home, Well I don't know when I would finally 

Work up the backbone

To walk alone.

I'm letting go, 

Cus I loved you

but I have to.

-The Wonder Years, Cul-De-Sac

  
  


Chapter Fourteen

"Can I ask you something?" Nikki asked, her voice soft and tired. 

Her strength was starting to return to her now that she finally had something in her stomach to help soak up whatever it was that Ravus had given the two faeries for their pain. The troll had also hauled off the vines that had been strewn around the room, his thick skin unaffected by the bright pink prickers and thorns that lined them. He'd told Val something about making use of them but at the time, Nikki had been having far too much fun poking and prodding at her numb cheeks and lips to listen. 

Thorn had returned with a take out container for each of them and Nikki had scowled, even through her stupor, at the thought of more fast food. Instead, when Val opened her box to start feeding her, Nikki's goofy smile had come back at the sight of a chicken salad. Sure it wasn't made fresh, but it was going to sit in her stomach in a much more pleasant way than anything else would right now. 

Val had fed her while Ruth, one of the other previously blurry faces, had helped Anya to eat her box. Anya had woken up shortly after Thorn had left to go find something for them to eat but she hadn't really said anything. She seemed out of it too, just more quietly. She didn't really have anyone to talk to, Nikki figured. All these people used to be her friends but after what she'd done...Nikki wasn't shocked that she didn't want to talk. 

Food had never tasted so good and yet she hadn't been able to finish it. As she got closer and closer to the bottom of the ceaser soaked greenery and grilled bits of meat she had come to her senses more and more. As her thoughts and mood finally began to level out, all of her worries slowly crept back into her head and stole her appetite away. 

Thorn was awake. 

He was somewhere in the shop, she could tell. She could smell him somewhere in the building but she didn't know where. Once she could see mostly straight, Nikki had taken over for Val and started picking at the food herself but she hadn't eaten much since then. Her hands and fingers hurt a little but it wasn't anything that would cause her to drop the fork anymore. She just needed something to keep her hands busy. Anya seemed to be in much the same boat except she had eaten even less. Ruth and Val had left the room a while ago to grab some glasses of water and the two faerie girls were alone. 

They sat in silence for several minutes, side by side before the words had leaked out of Nikki's lips. 

"Yeah," Anya replied flatly without looking at her. Both girls stared straight forward across the room into the far wall. Nikki was tracing lines with her eyes, following the patterns of the wallpaper to try and sharpen her slowly returning vision. 

"Are you happy?" She asked, her voice quiet. 

Anya didn't answer. Not right away anyway. Out of the corner of her eye, Nikki could see her fidgeting. She was twirling her fingers around each other and thumbing the ends of her shorts. 

"No…" she admitted finally. Nikki wasn't sure if the meds were making her more willing to answer or not but either way...she couldn't lie. 

"Do you regret leaving then?" Nikki pried. 

Again there was a long silence and this time, Nikki shifted her gaze over to the blue girl's face. She found her staring down at the floor between her legs and touching a finger to her lips, poking and prodding at them as if she also couldn't feel them. 

"No," she said against her fingers. "I don't."

Nikki sighed and lay her head back on the edge of the couch, turning her eyes up to look into the ceiling. This time though, it was Anya's turn to ask a question. 

"Are you going to tell him?" She asked, her accent rearing its head a little, and Nikki had to stifle a small giggle. 

"Tell him what?"

"That you love him," Anya scoffed and Nikki felt her eyes on her. She let her head roll to the side to meet Anya's gaze and the intensity in those pink orbs cut right through their shared stupor. Nikki's breath left her lungs and her mind went blank as she stared back at the pixie. 

She didn't know the answer anymore. She wanted to...god she wanted to. Now that she was so close though it didn't seem real. None of this felt real. She'd spent so long knowing that Thorn was asleep that now it felt like she was the one dreaming. Like all the world had flipped on its head and she was the one who'd been cursed. Cursed to love a boy who probably didn't want anything to do with her. Not after all the bullshit she'd gotten him into. 

He'd smiled at her though, she thought as her eyes dropped to the small amount of space between the two of them. He'd looked happy to see her but...that could be misread pretty easily. Being happy someone was alive and being in love with them was _not_ the same thing. She didn't want her hopes to get in the way of seeing things for what they really were. 

"I don't know if it's such a good idea…" Nikki turned her head back up to look back at the ceiling. 

"Why not?" Anya asked in genuine curiosity. 

"I just...he's better off without somebody like me. I'm not...a good person." It hurt to admit it out loud, especially to someone so strange to her as Anya was but...it was true. At least in her own head anyway. "All I do is hurt him…"

"I doubt that," Anya huffed and Nikki felt the couch shift a little as the pixie lay back to mimic Nikki. "You can't be worse than I am."

"It's not a competition," Nikki sighed. "Besides, you don't go around throwing yourself at other people...wanting them to touch you."

Anya snorted a short laugh and Nikki raised her eyebrows at the girl's odd reaction. "Perhaps when we were together I didn't, but that certainly isn't true now." 

"Really?" Nikki asked as she let her head roll to the side again.

"I'm lonely...it's my own fault, obviously but...I can't tell you how many times I've woken up still drunk in some court that I don't even know the name of, tangled up with other faeries." Anya tilted her head to meet Nikki's gaze. "Sure, you may crave being touched more than your average folk but...that doesn't mean you allow it to happen as much as the rest of us do. Am I right?"

"I mean I…" she stammered. "I-i try not to let it happen because I…"

"Because you want to stay faithful to Thorn? Yes?"

"Yeah…"

"Then you're already better than ninety-nine percent of Faeries," Anya shrugged and tilted her head back up. "Like Kaye. Like a changeling."

"What do you mean?"

"That's what you are, no?" 

"I mean I wasn't swapped but...I was raised as a human, yeah."

"Then those are the values you will carry for your entire life. Not ours. We like to make the humans out to be monsters and simpletons but, in truth...a lot of their morality is quite a lot better than ours. Bodies are just flesh to us. Love and sexuality do not need to share a bed and...it leads to a lot of eternally scarred hearts. But you...you could love a mortal and be faithful to them for their entire life...not like me."

"But you said you didn't cheat on him," Nikki frowned. 

"I didn't. But we were only together for five years. If that were twenty, or fifty I may not have been so faithful. He will grow old and I will not. You could love him longer and better than I ever could...that is why I left. Tis' why I do not regret leaving. He is not better off without someone like you. He is better off without someone like me."

Nikki digested her words slowly for a moment before she sat up and rested her chin in her hands, elbows on her legs. "What if he doesn't love me back…"

"You'll just have to find that out for yourself. But I'll tell you this much," Anya began as she pushed herself to her feet and shook the remaining dizziness from her head. "He's only ever had one roommate before you...and he was in love with her too," she smiled weakly and held her hand out to Nikki. 

Nikki almost laughed at the silly analogy and let Anya help her up to her feet. The girls slowly stumbled their way out of the apartment, down the hall and down the stairs, careful to help support each other the entire way. 

When they emerged from the back room of the shop they found it devoid of customers despite it being midday. Nikki figured they must have closed for the day but she thought that that was a bit extreme. They spotted Val and Ruth hunting for a pitcher to fill with water behind the counter and when the girls looked up at them they rushed over to help them stand up straight. 

"You should be resting," Val hissed as she slung Nikki's arm over her shoulder. The commotion attracted the attention of the rest of their friends who were sat around one of the tables. Hazel was the first out of her chair and she rushed over to take hold of Nikki's other arm. The pair led her to a chair and she felt Thorn's eyes on her the entire way. 

"I'm fine guys," Nikki almost laughed at how quick they were to snap into action. "I feel a lot better." 

The group pulled out two more chairs at the table and sat Nikki down. They were about to sit Anya down too when she began to protest. "I need to get going," she said before she looked down to where Thorn sat in his chair. "Though I...should like to talk to you...before I go…" 

Nikki watched Thorn huff, watched his fingers flex a few times before he sucked in a deep breath through his nose and exhaled, "fine," the word drifted out with his breath as he unclenched his fingers. 

"In private…" Anya pleaded and Nikki felt the tips of her ears start to burn furiously. She didn't like the sound of that at all. She shot Thorn a desperate glance, trying to silently plea with him to turn Anya down but he didn't look her way. His eyes were locked with Anya's and they were hard. Tightly focused and full of anger or disbelief. When his words did come, Nikki breathed the fullest sigh of relief she'd ever breathed. 

"If you have something to say to me then you can say it in front of her," he warned and gave the barest hint of a nod in Nikki's direction, clearly trying his best to keep himself calm. Nikki almost gasped. His words had sucked the air right out of her. Ruth let go of Anya and Val and Hazel walked away from the table and Nikki heard them distantly grabbing a plastic coffee cup to fill with water. 

Anya looked stiff. Like she was holding in much too large of a breath and didn't know what to do with it. "Can we at least go outside," she finally let out softly, her eyes darting over to the counter where the other three women stood. 

"Fine," Thorn rolled his eyes and headed for the front door of the shop. Anya was close behind him and Nikki had to struggle a little to get up quickly and catch up with them. She'd barely made it out the door and Anya was already speaking. 

"How are you feeling," she asked softly and Thorn snorted in surprise. 

"Like there's a rainbow coming out of ass," his tone was far too harsh and, what was probably a joke didn't do anything other than make Nikki's stomach turn. "Now what do you wanna say? I'm not gonna sit here and play twenty questions with you."

Nikki looked back to Anya and found that some part of her actually looked a little hurt. Another part of her looked like she knew she deserved that though. There was a visible conflict in her face and posture. 

"Fine...you're right I...deserve that...I just want to tell you that...I'm sorry." Nikki watched as it became Thorn's turn to freeze up. His lips parted like he wanted to say something but he seemed to swallow the words and clamp his teeth together. "I don't expect you to ever forgive me but…"

"Forgive you?" The words came out as a chuckle and Nikki could see the muscles in his hands and arms begin to flex. His teeth were showing as his jaw hung open, his long k-nines seeming to grow a little. Nikki was moving before she even realized it. He sucked in a breath like he was going to say something more but it caught in his throat when Nikki's bandaged fingers closed around his closed fist. His eyes were wild when they met hers, filled with hate and anger. They softened and his fangs seemed to shrink a little, the wicked look on his face fading as he stared down into her eyes. 

"Please...just listen to what she has to say," Nikki pleaded softly. She wasn't even sure why she was speaking of where that request was coming from. She didn't want them to argue but...why not? 

"Why," he mimicked her thoughts. "Why could you possibly want me to do that," he asked in what had to be the most confused tone she'd ever heard from him. 

"Because she means it...because it's real…" Nikki answered slowly and let go of his hand. She turned away to leave after that. She didn't want to hang around just so Anya could spill her guts out to Thorn...even though she was the one encouraging it. 

This wasn't about Nikki wanting Thorn anymore. It wasn't even about Anya still loving him either. This was about so much more than that.

"Nik," she heard as her hand touched the door handle. She looked back to see him reaching out for her but found that he had hesitated. A small smile crept over her lips as she realized that he really was learning not to just grab her when he wanted her attention. The look on his face was desperate enough to grab her soul though and it hurt to look. "Where are you going?" 

"I'll be inside...it's okay," she tried to say steadily but her voice betrayed her. She was barely holding back her feelings at this point and choking down tears. He didn't need her crying right now. No one did. 

She didn't look again. Before he could say anything else she was through the door, head down and walking as fast as her dizzy legs could take her toward the back. 

"Nikki?" It was Val. She didn't look up. She needed to be alone right now and nothing was going to get in her way of it. No more crying in front of her friends. No more making them worry about her for no reason. She went into the back, pulled open Kaye's old office, and locked the door behind her. She paced across the floor several times before she let the tears start to flow out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. She slumped against the wall and slid down onto the carpet. 

She buried her face in her arms and tried as best she could to keep her whimpering as silent as she could and then…She waited. This wasn't about her or Anya's feelings anymore. 

This was all about his'.

/

Thorn ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his palms into his face. He was alone with her. Well, alone was a strong word really. There were plenty of people walking by on the sidewalk but none of them seemed to pay them any mind. It was a busy city after all and just because their shop was closed for the day didn't mean everyone else's were. The pair leaned up against the glass, looking out at the crowds of people for a long while before she broke the stalemate. 

"She's a great girl you know…" Anya began. They'd been silent for several minutes now, neither of them sure what to say. Anya hadn't expected Nikki, of all people, to defend her like that. Just another reason the pixie had found to respect the grey antlered faerie girl. "Young and pretty too." Thorn didn't answer. What was he supposed to say to that anyway? "Do you not see that?" Anya continued and Thorn sighed. 

"Of course I do…" he grumbled. He shoved his hands into his pockets and let his vision drop to the pavement. He felt...guilty somehow? The world was still a bit of a haze around him. He'd slept for so long that, even with the magic maintaining his health, he still felt empty and strange. Sitting here talking to his ex was the very last thing on earth he wanted to be doing but...it was apparently what Nikki wanted him to be doing, so that meant he had to. 

"Then why is she just your roommate?" Anya rolled her eyes with a mocking tone.

"Why do you care?" He breathed as he looked down at her. 

"I never stopped," she replied without sparing him a glance. "I love you now as much as I did then...perhaps even more so…" she thought aloud and Thorn gave a disbelieving smile. 

"Oh yeah. Totally. I'm really feeling the love here," he snorted and even Anya had to laugh a little. 

"Well," she huffed. "You do not have to believe that if you don't wish to...but believe this if nothing else…" She said as she pushed herself off of the floor to ceiling window and righted herself. Thorn watched as she brushed her hair behind her ears and out of her face. "You deserve better than what I gave to you Thane…" she hesitated and watched him shift uncomfortably at her choice of words. "And I think she can give it to you," Anya choked the last words out, stifling her own tears. 

Anya stepped up to him then and he stood up straight in reaction to it. He held his hands up to stop her advance but she came to rest about a half step away from him. 

"What I did to you was wrong...I regret not ending things face to face but...I do not regret ending them.." she started and his hands and expression drooped. Anya reached into her pocket and produced the small metal band she'd taken from his finger. They both looked down at it for a long while as she turned it over in her fingers. "I may still love you...but…" she sniffled as she looked up into his eyes, pink orbs filled with tears clinging on for dear life but shockingly, she was smiling. The smile that had always knocked the wind out of him each time she'd shared it with him. "I am glad to know that you no longer love me."

She leaned up then. He wanted to stop her but some small part of his body just wouldn't let him. Up on the tips of her toes, she went and it was only a breath before her deep blue lips brushed against the mildly haired skin of his cheek. 

It was fleeting. No desire at all in the touch and she was there for less than a heartbeat before her heels returned to the pavement. 

"What was that for?" He asked as he brought his hand up and wiped it against his cheek. She laughed that little giggle that used to make him smile. Used to. Now, all it did was turn his stomach. 

She took a step back from him again and lowered her head a little, a half bow, if anything. 

"It was goodbye," she smiled. 

Thorn felt his cheeks warm and cursed himself silently for the way she was still able to get under his skin. He didn't have to love her for her lips to fluster him. "Where will you go?"

"I'm not sure," she thought aloud and brought a finger to her lips. "I doubt Roiben would let me back into his court but...I've got nothing to lose," she shrugged and let her hands slap against her sides a few times as if she were still thinking. "Could try to go home but...I doubt there's much left if anything."

"And you hate boats," the words slipped from his mouth without warning, followed by a short snort of air from his nose. There was a small pause before Anya began to laugh. Harder than she'd laughed months, years even. That stupid and silly contagious laugh that made him unable to hold in his own laughter. They laughed for what felt like an eternity, to the point where her squinted eyelids were pinching off the tears she'd been holding back.

Anya wiped a bandaged finger across her cheeks and took a deep breath to steady herself again and Thorn folded his arms over his chest. She gave him one last look and a smile before she turned to face away from him. 

"Aleksin is a long way, that's for sure," she mused. "We'll see...I'll let the wind make the choice for me," she shrugged. 

"You would," he smirked.

"I'll end up where I'm supposed to be," she shrugged. "I always do," she smiled as she glanced back at him one last time. "Even if it's not forever…"

Thorn looked at her long and hard and she just couldn't look away. She was going to miss him. She knew that. She already had missed him before but now...now that she had to leave while he was awake...somehow it ached more than it had before. 

"I'll miss you…" she said, her bright pink eyes locked with his black orbs. Thorn watched the wind whip her long pink locks around her face for a moment, a little deeper in thought than he figured he should be. She clearly wanted to hear... _something_ in response. But the truth was that his feelings toward her were a bit more complicated than love or hate. Something more strange and abnormal than simply missing a person when they weren't there. 

It was meant for him...somehow. He knew that he was supposed to know this. Supposed to have the right answer somewhere in his mind. Music. It had to be. It always was between them. Their lives were just song lyrics all jumbled together. Lazy afternoons spent curled in bed with the radio on, tangled together both sexually, and not. Their minds were just a shared and melted pool of bands and words and feelings that they'd never had to share out loud. 

"And I'll Miss Missing You," he realized and the gentle smile that pulled across her cheeks said it all. That was the right answer. Anya nodded her head, and without another word, she turned away from him. 

She took one step...and another...and another. Before long, she was out of sight...and they were done. 

Finally...truly...and equally, done. 

/

She could hear the breathing outside the door again. Her crying had mostly stopped by now. It was, more or less, silent at least. Val had come to try and give her the glass of water, among other things, but she'd shooed her away. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now. She didn't want to be seen like this any more than she already had been. Like a crying and disheveled mess. 

Why had she done that…

Of all things, why had she decided to let Anya and Thorn talk alone? That was asinine. She knew that Anya loved him still and after that whole schpeel about how faeries' acted when they were free...stupid, stupid, stupid decision.

A knock finally came at the door and she sniffled loudly, "go away Val," she groaned through her tears. "I wanna be alone."

There was a long silence before she got any sort of sign that she'd actually been heard. "Can I at least give you the water?" The voice said, but it wasn't Val's. It was deep, and familiar, and wanted. 

"Thorn?" She asked in a small voice, surprised. She stood from the floor and paced to the door. She unbolted the lock and pulled the heavy wooden and glass door open to find him standing there with a plastic cup filled with ice and water, looking for all the world like he was trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. "What are you still doing here?" The question shot right by the filter she really didn't have and out of her mouth. She regretted it as soon as it had but, hey, that was nothing new. 

"Bringing you water," he shrugged nervously. He wasn't looking at her though. His eyes were elsewhere. Anywhere else really, they flicked from her face to different corners of the room at random like he was having a hard time looking at her. 

"Just...bringing me water?" She asked and wiped her arm across her face before folding her arms under her chest. 

Thorn scratched the back of his head with his free hand and sucked in a breath before finally meeting her gaze. "Look I…want to talk to you too...okay?" 

Nikki exhaled and grabbed the cup from him before she turned back into the room and walked away. She sat herself on the vacant desk and began to sip at the water nervously. She needed something to occupy her lips before any more awful things came out of them without her permission. Thorn came in and shut the door behind him and she watched as he thrust his hands into his jeans. He leaned back against the door and drew in a long breath before he finally spoke. 

"Anya's gone," he began softly and Nikki's head perked up. That was not what she'd expected to hear at all. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean she left…" he shrugged. "She apologized and...we said goodbye...she's gone," he reiterated and Nikki felt a lump grow in her throat. 

"Oh," was all she could manage to croak before her teeth clamped down on the plastic straw and she began to bite at it. 

"Thank you for...telling me to just listen to her…" he said and Nikki felt another wave of dread pulse through her veins. 

"Don't remind me…" she grumbled and Thorn chuckled a little at that. 

"Couldn't have been easy for you but...I think I needed to hear what she had to say. If you weren't there….if you weren't here I don't think I'd have ever gotten the closure I needed."

Nikki's head perked up and she met his gaze for a moment. Her cheeks were on fire and her legs felt like jelly. She was lucky she was already sitting down. God...just looking at him was enough to do this to her. Seeing him upright and talking, moving around, and being alive made her skin prickle and burn. 

"Well…I'm happy for you," she said slowly, trying to police her words as best she could. Nikki forced her gaze to the carpet and away from him at that. 'God he needs to shut up or I'm gonna lose it,' she thought to herself as her nails bit into her thighs. 'Stop looking at me like that,' the words rang out in her head. She was gross. No shower in three days, bloodstains in her hair, loose and haphazard bandages all up her arms, loose tank top and a pair of she'd had to buy at a bus station, no bra or underwear to speak of and her newly cut hair was in knots, tied around her horns in places and an absolute rats nest. 

She heard Thorn kick off the wall and pace over to her and her skin began to crawl. She flinched visibly and her nails bit brighter into her skin so she could try to stay still. She still dared not look at him. "Hey," he said as he came to rest before her. She stared straight ahead and into his shirt. A shirt still stained with blood from his duel with the Undersea Knight and now also with her and Anya's blood. "Nikki," he breathed softly, and finally, she tipped her head up to look at him. 

He didn't look much like he had while she was high on whatever pain meds she'd been given. He looked more like she remembered him now. Bloodstains in his grey hair, skinny jeans that were worn and cut in places, that ruined t-shirt he'd fought in. His hair was in little curled tangles and pressed down on the right side where he'd slept on it and he was even a bit sweaty. It was air-conditioned in the shop but he'd been outside talking with Anya for at least twenty minutes in the sun. 

He wasn't exactly a masterpiece either right now, she realized. Besides, technically, even though he didn't smell like she was sure she did, he hadn't showered in eight months. 

"What were you going to tell me before the duel…" he asked and she bit down on her lower lip to stifle the words. "I've been," he began again and pressed his hand into his face to rub at it again. "Dreaming about it the entire time and couldn't hear what you were trying to say."

"You," the air pressed out of her lungs as her lips parted. "You were...dreaming?..about me?" She tripped over the sentence as she gulped for air. 

A small and easy smile cut across his face and Nikki's heart fluttered at the sight of it. "Every day," he answered, the first confident thing he'd said to her since entering the room. "Who else would I be dreaming about?" He asked with a sarcastic smile. 

She wanted to punch him. Her fingers balled up but she didn't follow through. She didn't have the energy to be wasting it like that. 'Stupid...perfect...asshole,' she smiled. 

This was it. The words were building up, climbing their way up her ragged and bruised chest and throat and clawing their way towards her lips and this time, she didn't think she could squash them, even if she wanted to. She'd wanted to tell him for months now...wanted to tell him how badly she ached for him at all times of the day and night. She wanted to confess every horrible thing she'd done while he was asleep and how sorry she was for it, and for everything she'd gotten him into. All of that would need to boil down to just three, little, simple words that she'd been too scared to admit before she'd lost her chance. 

"I love you." She'd expected the words to come out rushed, or broken up, or too slow and awkward but...they hadn't. They'd come out smooth, and gentle, and everything they needed to be and as they did, a weight so great lifted from her shoulders that she felt she could float. 

Thorns hands came up, his thumbs brushed against her cheek and she shut her eyes against his warm skin. Finally. Finally, she could touch him and he could touch her back. The heat that she'd craved was finally there as well, the part that every shameful copy of him she'd made had lacked. The thing she couldn't replicate no matter how hard her magic tried. 

Compared with the coolness of the air-conditioned office, his hot touch sent a shiver down her spine. 

"And I love you," he murmured gently down to her and she felt the breath of the words on her mouth. Her lips parted before his even touched her and all at once, they were finally touching. Nikki's thighs parted and her fingers found his waist. She pulled him toward her and felt his pelvis crush to hers on the edge of the desk. Their lips mashed over and over again, each of them more hungry than the last had been. Their tongues danced between their lips and her fingers moved into his shirt, tracing lines around his abs while his stomach twitched. 

The motion brought a scheming smile to her lips as she continued to kiss him and she hooked her fingers into the waist of his pants. He laughed at that and the sound of it made her melt. She almost didn't notice when the door opened. 

"Are you guuuuuuookkkayyyyyy," Hazel began as she stepped inside, spun around, and headed back out into the hallway immediately. "Yeah they're fine," she called back toward the main room and Nikki melted into a laugh she hadn't had in nearly a year. She pulled him to her and laughed into the valley of his neck and spoke through kisses. 

"Lock the door on your way out," she managed to giggle out before she heard the door click shut and felt Thorn's hands go under the back of her thighs.

He lifted her from the desk and she locked her ankles together behind his back, rested her arms on his shoulders, and pressed their lips back together. This time it was his turn to laugh. 

"You...know…" he began between her kisses. "We really….should...get back...out there."

Nikki pulled her lips back from his and pressed her forehead to his as she bit down on her lip for a moment. "As if I'd let you stop touching me...you've been asleep for eight months," she kissed him again. "You're not going anywhere," she said as she buried her face back into his neck and licked and nibbled her way up to his ear. She felt his knees buckle for a moment when she bit down on the cartilage of his ear and then licked at its center. 

"Mmm someone has a weak spot huh?" She giggled before returning her tongue to his ear. 

"Hah," he laughed shortly with her before she felt him twitch a little and press his ear harder into her touch. "Fine fine," he chuckled before walking around to the other side of the table and falling into the vacant office chair that was there. Nikki pressed her weight down into him for a moment before his fingers slipped up to her abdomen under her tank top. She sat up straight and let him lift it off of her before she watched him laugh again. 

"What?" She blushed as she looked herself over. There was a bulge in the shorts on her right thigh and his hand went to it. Her spine tingled and she almost twitched as his fingers drew up her outer thigh and grabbed for the culprit. When he pulled the small grey doll from within her shorts he began to laugh again and this time she did not follow suit. Instead, she sucked in a nervous breath through her teeth and covered her mouth with her palm. 

"I don't suppose there's a reason my car isn't out front of the shop...is there?" He said in that smart ass way like he already knew the answer. 

"Tomorrow," she dodged with a groan and took the little doll from him and set it on the table behind her. "Tomorrow, I'll tell you everything tomorrow just please...please don't stop," she begged as she grabbed for his hands and placed them back on her hips. "Less talking, more touching."

Again he was sent into a laughing fit by her words and even through it, his grip tightened on her hips. "What now?" She giggled. 

"No no it's," he said as he tried to stifle his laughter a little. "It's not you. Just...you reminded me of a song," he said as his fingers stroked at her thighs and she felt absolutely drunk with his touch. 

She leaned back down and let her lips hover only a breath away from his. She pressed her bandaged fingers into his chest as a smirk played across her lips. "Oh yeah?" She asked and breathed against his lips. She watched them part and felt him try to stretch upward to kiss her but she held him there, drinking in his desperation. "Care to share with the class?"

The smirk on his lips matched hers before the words trickled out of his mouth. "A Little Less Sixteen Candles," he began, and then it was her turn to laugh. She snorted a short laugh before pressing her lips back to his, her tongue sweeping and looking for his. They danced for a moment before she pulled back. 

She sat up straight and pulled him up with her before she grabbed up the edges of his shirt and he let her pull it up over his head. Nikki threw the piece of fabric across the room and her nails were on his chest in only another breath, the same smirk tipping the edges of her mouth in a love-drunk high. 

"A little more Touch Me."

  
  


The End


	16. Epilogue

I love freaks, I don't care if you're a wild one

And me

I, I'm not the prettiest you've ever seen

But I have my moments, I have my moments

Not the flawless one, I've never been

But I have my moments, I have my moments

I can get a little drunk, I get into all the drugs

But on good days I am charming as fuck

-Tove Lo, Moments

Epilogue

July isn't the right time to be moving into a new apartment, even in the best of circumstances. It's hot, it's sweaty, it's disgusting, and it's a lot of hard work. Especially when you're moving from the third floor of one building to the sixth floor of another, an entire state away from where you started. Not to mention that their air-conditioner was buried at the back of the moving truck they'd had to rent.

Hauling garbage bags full of clothing and blankets up five flights of stairs wasn't her idea of a good time but hey, at least they had help. Each of them would only need to take around two trips up and down all the stairs when all said and done so that was something. She hauled the bag over the last step and down the hall and through their door. Their crap was everywhere. Well, his crap, and her clothes. That was all she really had.

Thorn had boxes and bins of collectibles, his hockey bag, his desk, and rolling chair. Lots of things. He hadn't left much of anything behind. At least they hadn't had to haul his gaming computer up the stairs, instead, leaving it in Kaye's not-so vacant office.

His office. It still didn't feel real. Still felt like a dream. When Thorn had woken up Nikki had spilled her guts out to him about everything. Every single little, or large, thing she'd done wrong while he was asleep and was a little more than shocked when he hadn't scolded her for it. Even the car.

When she told him she was thinking about moving to New York to be closer to their friends, he'd asked if he could move with her. Not told her that he was going to, or asked her why.

_If she would let him_.

The answer had quite obviously been, yes, but she had been shocked and silent at his choice of words for more than a few heartbeats that afternoon.

Now they were actually here. They'd asked Hazel and Ruth if they knew any vacant apartments and it turned out that they had one right on the floor above them. Nikki and Thorn had gotten cleaned up and gone to talk to their building owner and when he'd agreed to let them rent the room, Nikki had sped things along a little with glamour. At least he'd agreed under his own will, but she'd just made him think it was okay for them to move in immediately instead of waiting until then end of the month.

Two days later and here they were, Hazel and Ruth, helping them move into the small studio. The walls were mostly red brick and the carpets white and not very cushiony. No furniture to speak of and what could barely pass as half a kitchen. But they could fix it.

They could grow here.

Not to mention now they would be close to work, only a block away from the coffee shop. Thorn wouldn't need a car anymore as long he took local jobs and they didn't have anywhere to keep it parked anyway. She was sure that that had been a big factor in him wanting to move in with her but it surely wasn't the only one.

It had only been a few days with him awake but the air about him had changed. That hard outer shell seemed cracked and that sweet disposition he'd had the day she'd met him had returned.

He was still an asshole, of course, but only in the ways that he knew she liked. The snarky remarks, the confidence, and the sarcasm remained and she was undeniably glad of it. He was still Thorn.

Still a prick...and still perfect.

Nikki dropped her bag near their soon to be shared closet and let herself fall into the plastic-wrapped mountain of clothing to rest. The plastic stuck to her skin in an unpleasant way but still, it was better than standing.

She could hear shuffling in the hallway and watched as Hazel brought in Thorn's desk with Ruth scurrying behind her, hands in the air like she may have once been helping, but had fallen so far behind that she was little more than emotional support for her much stronger partner.

"Shhh," the goth sucked in a breath through clenched teeth, "you got it?"

"I told you I had it in the truck," Hazel chuckled as she set the desk down with ease against the back wall between their two windows. The large windows didn't have much in the way of a view, just the metal railing of their fire-escape and the building across the alleyway but still, they let in enough light so that they didn't need to have the actual lights on in the middle of the day.

The two women headed back out of the apartment without sparing Nikki much of a glance. She thought they were probably done. The last thing that needed to come in was the bed by her estimation, and the mattress was already sitting up against the far wall. Thorn probably had the frame on its way up right now.

Clang

'Yep,' she smirked and watched him try to get it through the doorway. Like a dog with a stick, it took him several rotations of his body to get the metal framework to fit through the doorway and she couldn't stifle the laughter that fought its way up her throat.

At least that didn't hurt too much anymore. Her throat felt a lot less tight than it had a few days before and the long bruise down her chest was fading nicely. The marks on her shoulders and knees were all but healed too and the briar marks up and down her arms were closing up too. That's what Thorn had called them anyway.

Nikki didn't much understand the remark at the time, but when he'd explained that the vines were covered in briars and that it was probably to do with the curse's owner and told her his last name she'd sort of gotten it.

Cardan Greenbriar. Got it.

She watched him set the frame down before he lifted the hem of his shirt to his face and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Her eyes clung to his abdomen and when he let his shirt fall he caught her looking.

That silly smirk crossed his lips as he leaned down over her and she let his hands go under thighs. She wrapped her legs around him and let him lift her into his arms.

"That everything?" She asked him as she rested her elbows on his shoulders.

"Yeah that's the last of it," he smiled and she giggled when he pressed his lips into her neck.

"You sure you...want to do this?" She asked for the millionth time that week and she watched him roll his eyes.

"Yes," he smirked. "I'm sure that I'm sure."

"Guys," they heard from the hallway, accompanied by footsteps. It was only moments before they found Hazel and Ruth struggling a little to carry a large and flat rectangular package through the doorway together. Thorn moved to the kitchen and set Nikki down on their little island of a countertop before taking the package from the girls.

"No way, that came so fast," Nikki gasped and grit her teeth. She hadn't expected that package for at least another week.

"You know what it is?" Thorn raised an eyebrow at her as he turned it over in his hands. It was nearly as wide as his shoulder and as tall as the gap between his waist and shoulders. It wasn't addressed to anyone either and had no return address.

"Yeaaahh…" she blushed and tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear. "It's like...a present for you...for us," she corrected quickly. "Go ahead and open it." If she hadn't been nervous before she was now. She had wanted to talk to him about this before it showed up but there was no waiting now.

His fingers tore into the brown paper covering and pulled it away with ease. When the black, etched lettering in the center of the large glass pane came into view he stopped. His eyes moved over to Nikki whom he found looking a little more nervous and shy than usual.

"Dooo...you like it?" She asked slowly as he pulled the rest of the wrapping off and let it drop to the floor. He set the pane of glass down on the countertop beside her. Ruth and Hazel moved around the table to get a glimpse at it.

"The Favor Dealers?" Hazel smiled and teased her elbow against Nikki's. "Nice work on the name." Nikki watched Thorn slowly run his fingers over the lettering as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips, as if he were holding back a laugh.

"I thought you said that not everyone lives their lives collecting debts?" He mused as his dark eyes finally met hers. She couldn't help but smile a little at that look.

"I'm not everyone," the smile grew and she watched him lean in toward her. His lips met hers and she smiled giddily against them.

"Dealers? Like plural?" Ruth asked as she looked to Nikki. They broke their kiss before Nikki's mind could start to swim and she shook herself a little to focus on the question.

"Yeah, I was...I was gonna work with him if…" she turned back to Thorn and again felt a small wave of nervousness wash through her. His eyes had returned to the words etched in the glass. "If you'll have me…"

"I'm not your keeper," he sighed and Nikki noted that he actually sounded a little sorry about that fact. "I don't own you, you can make your own decisions."

"Well I figured you wouldn't want to stop working and," she flushed, "I could help and maybe even keep you out of a little trouble."

"You are trouble," he laughed and ran his fingers through her hair, scratching lightly at the back of her scalp. She leaned into his touch and swore that if she had a tail, it'd be wagging at his touch. She'd have to do a little more experimenting to see if he felt the same, but that would have to wait until later. "But yeah."

"Okay," the goofy smile returned to her lips and she leaned up and kissed his cheek one more time before Ruth cleared her throat.

"Well before you two get all mushy on us," she said, nodding her head back toward the door. "Why don't we go return the truck and we can get out of your hair."

"That's probably a good idea," Thorn laughed and Nikki sulked.

The trio headed for the door while Nikki hopped down from the counter, but when she made it to their door she found Thorn blocking it with his body. She nearly walked right into him. "What is it?" She asked and caught his gaze.

"Thank you," she heard him say and felt her cheeks grow hot.

"For what?" She asked breathlessly. "Kaye had the glass made. I didn't really have to do anythi-"

"For not trying to change me," he cut her off and lifted her hand to his lips. She watched as he kissed the backs of her fingers. The heat in her cheeks spread through her chest and she felt her spine tingle a bit. Nikki closed her eyes for a moment, chasing the thoughts of tearing his shirt off from her mind. Instead, she took another step into him and forced her arms around his back and pulled herself into his grasp. Her smile returned as she looked up into his eyes and hummed.

"I wouldn't have you any other way."


End file.
